Suzy Lee Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Hello all Here I come to pick your advice about a weird situation (well not that weird for some of you I guess). So this is my story : We are both divorced, he has two kids and I have a daughter. All along the past year, we have been on and off, each time because he left me. He gave different reasons, but none of them happened to be a good one, proof is he always came back. We love each other, so much. We've got everything : sufficient income, health, we're on the same page regarding moral values, we love to cuddle a lot, sex is great (it has never been so great if I trust him... and I do). When he is Mr Nice Guy “Dr Jekyll”, confident and hopeful, it's all going fine. Problem is when Dr Hyde shows up. Then, I have to face someone who believes he is not capable to make a woman happy, he doesn't deserve love, and so on. I think that his marriage turning into a divorce affected him a lot. Not that he is still in love with his ex-wife, for he is definitely not the kind of guy who could be with a woman while he loves another. He cannot even THINK of seing his friends when he is with me, I have to tell him “don't let your buddies down because you're in love, give them a call from time to time, ask for news and share your happiness with them by the way”. But the fact is, despite his recent decision to go for a commitment (that was 2 months ago ; his words : “I know I have to change my attitude and be more positive”), and despite the wonderful holidays we had, with all the kids around us, he has never introduced me to any of his relatives or friends. I have to admit I found it a bit uncomfortable, and I told him several times (I encourage him to talk to me the same way when he feels something might be wrong, and never let a doubt or a question unspoken, I know communication is a great part of succeeding in a strong relationship ). He would then reply such thing as : “Later, when it's possible, I promise”, and I have to be happy with that. When we returned from holidays, he brought the kids back to their mom, and they organized the schedule for the next months. This is where the very strange thing is coming ! He decided he would spend Christmas with the kids and his ex wife and his ex parents-in-law, just as he used to before he knew me. That was a shock to me. As a divorced mother, I have my daughter either for Christmas eve, either for Christmas. I have to share her with her father, that's absolutely normal, and we can't be both at the same place at the same time. He has his life, I have mine. Am I crazy to think the children might feel a bit lost with their divorced parents gathering for such occasions (“good ol' times” !!), especially when these parents have a boyfriend/girlfriend ??? I mean, is there something wrong with me being astonished at the news and lost myself ?? So yes, by then he could see I was more and more uncomfortable with the situation, it was obvious. And so he left. Again. He broke up with a text (ridiculous, childish!) and wouldn't say anything to me except “I've had enough, things are over between us, goodbye”. But he agreed to see my daughter (who loves him a lot), and he told her “I love your mother, but it's not enough. I'm sorry I make you go through hard times again, but I have no choice.” Apparently, he is devastated. And so am I. But he doesn't want to see me or talk to me. I feel I have to help him some way but I don't know how. Now please, tell me what you think about what I consider a real huge waste.
Scottdmw Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 It sounds like a really difficult situation. The on-again off-again thing can be very confusing and heartbreaking in a special way. The only thing I can think to suggest is this. He may come back again, that would seem to be his pattern. If he does, I would suggest that you not make it easy. I'm not sure what exactly may have happened the other times, but certainly don't just welcome him with open arms. You devalue yourself when you do this both in his mind and subconsciously in your own. You teach him that it's okay to treat you this way, and that he can keep getting away with it. I mean, you might want to consider just forgetting about him. If he's left you several times, he may just not be interested enough to maintain a relationship. You might well be able to find someone better. But if he does come back and if you still want to be with him, make him work hard for it. Make him convince you that he's serious this time. Think about it for a while before you tell him you agree to be back with him. You talked about wanting to help him. Be careful though that in trying to help him you don't enable him in bad behavior. If a person treats you badly, it may be that the best and most helpful thing you can do to them is stay away from them and force them to shape up their behavior. Best wishes with it, Scott
Author Suzy Lee Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 First of all, thanks for reading me. Secondly, thanks for answering. I badly beeeded a help.
Author Suzy Lee Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Ouch, sorry for my poor typewriting, tears wouldn't let me use the keyboard properly
petikz Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 "Discover how I got my ex back and never have to worry about relationship problems ever again: http://www.payzeno.com/a/yourid/19":bunny:
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