brokenglass Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 So, its been quite a while since I've posted on here. The past few months have been much easier on me emotionally, especially considering I've lost an enormous amount of weight (I've lost a total of 140lbs now) and all of the dating I have been doing/meeting new women. For the most part, I feel like I've let go of my ex, but not entirely. Its been one of those things; I accept what I've done and take responsibility for my actions and thoughts, and I lay the blame where appropriate (aka I don't blame myself entirely for the collapse of our relationship). I feel like a completely different person than I did months ago and everyone in my life recognizes this, especially my ex. Shes met another man, through means that make me and our mutual friends extremely uncomfortable, and have essentially let her feelings run rampant. I was sort of aware she "loved" this new guy but, it wasn't something I've visually experienced nor heard about except for a few times she'd mention him "being so good with our son" (even though he's spent a total of a few days with him over the course of their LDR). Well, the past week or so has been interesting. Her and I have been texting, mostly about our son but its trailed off a little bit into our personal stuff and what we both have going on as individuals sans relationships. She has been very sick the past few days, and considering I still have enormous feelings for her I've done what I could to help. Soup, liquids, etc. I don't expect anything in return and conduct my life accordingly. The other day I go to her house to drop off our son, and he flips out. He's been having behavioral problems with her a lot lately and is good wherever else he goes. I brought him outside, tried to calm him down, he didn't and put him down for a nap. He passed out within moments. I go back downstairs and she is bawling, which in turn set off all kinds of emotional triggers in my chest. I consoled her, reminded her how much of a wonderful mother she is and that shes doing her best and it is good enough even though it doesn't seem that way. To make a long story short, she calmed down, I helped her with the dishes (they were piling up), cleaned the kitchen a little bit for her...we talked and laughed the entire time. It was very pleasant and nice and remind me of our good times together. Later on she offered to smoke with me, which we did, and had a cute little "lets see who can text faster to each other" on our respective phones. After a few glances from her and some choice words she said, I got into an emotional frenzy and bailed. Said goodbye and left. Before I went to the gym yesterday, her mother calls and tells me she can't breathe and was going to the hospital. They wanted me to watch our son, and for some reason I offered to take her there instead, which she accepted. We went to the hospital and I made sure she was taken care of. We sat in her room and talked about funny times from our relationship, laughing, etc. She made it a point how I didn't look like a "giant gorilla" anymore (not intended to be negative, we used to buy plush gorilla's for eachother on holidays). So, as we're leaving I feel like, we're making a connection again. Platonic it seemed, but a connection nonetheless. I am catching glances from her, staring, smiling...it could mean nothing but I'm noticing regardless. Her boyfriend called in the car on the way home, and this was the first time she didn't tell him she'd call back. The spoke for a few minutes, I ignored most of the call. And then the I love you's were exchanged... I felt like someone punched me straight into my stomach. She's been texting me this morning, talking about how much her prescriptions were and what not, and I've mostly ignored them. A part of me doesn't want her to think that I'm available for her at a whim (even though I want to be). I ended up leaving depressed and went drinking with some friends...surprisingly not getting "depressed drunk" and just had a decent time and went to bed. Sorry for the wall of text. I just, I've done so much to push her out of my mind and shes starting to slowly creep back in. I love and care about her, I cannot help myself. Seeing my son and spending time with him and being the father I always should have been only solidifies my feelings. Hearing her tell another man she loved him was probably one of the more difficult things I've internally had to deal with but I commend myself for not reacting to it. In the meantime I keep telling myself: continue to date, continue to meet people, continue to be there for her (but not exclusively), continue to be an excellent father and see where this road called Life takes you.
Author brokenglass Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Haha did I really write this the other day? I'm already over it
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Hmmm why??? did you stop trying to rescue her and know your just a single father now??? Sounds to me like she kinda co-dependant on you. She's a big girl she can take care of herself. And im not saying have no compassion for when she's hurting but for you to still have feelings and she calls her new man or he calls her back and she tells HIM she loves him. That really hurts... and you should just distance yourself. But what has changed so soon?
Peanut9330 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Haha did I really write this the other day? I'm already over it Lol wish I read this before reading the long post lol, good to hear that your doing well!
Author brokenglass Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Hmmm why??? did you stop trying to rescue her and know your just a single father now??? Sounds to me like she kinda co-dependant on you. She's a big girl she can take care of herself. And im not saying have no compassion for when she's hurting but for you to still have feelings and she calls her new man or he calls her back and she tells HIM she loves him. That really hurts... and you should just distance yourself. But what has changed so soon? She took it upon herself to remind me why it'll never work out again. I forgot her child support check at home. I asked if she could run by my house after I got out of the gym and she started cursing me out over text message. I then apologized and told her I'd bring it by so she didn't have to worry about wasting gas, and was met with yet more tirades over text messages. I've bent over backwards for her and 99% of the time she treats me like complete ****. I'm a better man than I was and I've done my best to be there for our son. It's not my fault shes terrible at managing money. It's not my fault shes terrible at actually going to work and keeping a job. It's not my responsibility to take care of her, only our son. As far as compassion goes, that will continue. I feel for her, shes still stuck in her rut and I think shes starting to realize that, wow, its not his fault (me). I care about her, that won't change. I want her to be happy but, she apparently isn't willing to put in the hard work necessary to make those changes. I saw my therapist today and he really put things into perspective for me. I've done a fantastic job at distancing myself, I just need to stay consistent and be there for her when she needs me and it doesn't compromise my emotions. Oh and also, something I forgot to include in my OP, I met a wonderful woman on Monday night...we went out last night for dinner and she seems like the type of woman I'd really be interested in so...just a nice reminder that I can find what I need elsewhere in life.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 You need to distance yourself more from her. if you guys are truly broken up and never getting back together, than there's no reason to be close. Only be there for your son, that is all... Do not be all up in her personal space and ask her probing questions? Leave her alone and next time she acts a fool on you over the phone, hangup and cool off... I think you should stop with all that love crap... there is no more love. all you are is a co-parent. She might make your life a mess when YOU decide to get serious with someone else.
Author brokenglass Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 You need to distance yourself more from her. if you guys are truly broken up and never getting back together, than there's no reason to be close. Only be there for your son, that is all... Do not be all up in her personal space and ask her probing questions? Leave her alone and next time she acts a fool on you over the phone, hangup and cool off... I think you should stop with all that love crap... there is no more love. all you are is a co-parent. She might make your life a mess when YOU decide to get serious with someone else. First off, the L word hasn't left my mouth since the week after we split. Second, I stay away from her personal space as far as I can. She brings it upon herself to tell me what her personal business is, which I usually turn my face, pick up my things and get ready to leave. I never tell her anything about my personal life (who I'm dating, ****ing, etc.) Third, we don't speak over the phone unless its absolutely necessary. Most communication is through text message and anything that doesn't pertain to my son or finances goes ignored. I understand that I've expressed that I care about her in my OP but I've really given no indication that I am obsessing or anything like that. Your advice is sound, but is old news to me at this point and has been in action for many months now.
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