boogieboy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 OMG tom, no wonder she friend zoned you, youre too nice! You didnt tease her, didnt bust her chops, didnt tell her anything interesting, you werent fun at all in that convo. Y^ou were waaay too sweet. There was too much niceness and nothing else. If this is the way all of your conversations went, you're gonna keep getting friend zoned.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 OMG tom, no wonder she friend zoned you, youre too nice! You didnt tease her, didnt bust her chops, didnt tell her anything interesting, you werent fun at all in that convo. Y^ou were waaay too sweet. There was too much niceness and nothing else. If this is the way all of your conversations went, you're gonna keep getting friend zoned. Oh I've definitely teased her and busted her "chops" as you say. That portion of the convo I pasted was a small snip, and of course I was nice about it then. What was I gonna say in that situation? But that niceness and sensitivity wasn't and definitely isn't in my full-time "game" hahaha..........but I do consider myself a good guy and am proud of it.
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I think you should be thinking about what youre going to do next. Personally, I say you have as little contact/conversation with this girl as humanly possible from here on out.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I think you should be thinking about what youre going to do next. Personally, I say you have as little contact/conversation with this girl as humanly possible from here on out. I agree with this. At the very least, distance yourself. It sucks to be in a situation where you want someone that can't reciprocate. Yep, the girl has friend-zoned you, and once that has happened~ it's hard to undo. It's got nothing to do with you being "too nice", it's simply a lack of chemistry.
kizik Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Glad to hear your not a sad Kizik anymore. I wouldn't go that far. But at least that awful wench is outta my life.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 I think you should be thinking about what youre going to do next. Personally, I say you have as little contact/conversation with this girl as humanly possible from here on out. And this would be for the purpose of luring her in? Cuz at this point I don't even know I care that much. I liked her and definitely wanted to see what would happen, but I don't know if I wanna play any games to lure his in or anything like that........and I have to see each occasionally anyway, we work on events for a nonprofit together.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 If you just got out of a tough relationship, and someone you might be interested in asks you out, what is your response? I divorced a year ago from a total douche. I wasn't really into dating for a little while after that, then had *kind* of a rebound boyfriend from Jan to July of this year...although I wouldn't consider it a typical rebound because I wasn't transferring feelings or using him to necessarily get over my XH. But when I ended that one, I was just TIRED of the dating scene altogether. I didn't want to meet anybody, didn't want to go out with anybody, didn't want to feel lovey-dovey feelings with anybody - I just wanted some freaking alone time. My life being set up like it is, it's actually REALLY hard to meet anybody. Freaking Mr. Sneak-Under-The-Radar came into my life at the beginning of August. Because I was sure I didn't want to date anybody, I thought "Maybe he just wants to be friends." I talked with him and the more I talked with him, the more I liked him as maybe somebody I could date if he could give me some time. We agreed to meet up in person and it was a 6-hour date. Now, I was still trying to tell myself, "Maybe he wants to be friends" in spite of the chemistry that we were both feeling. Just a hug at the end of that date. He asked to see me the very next day and at the end of THAT date, we had THE hottest make-out session. LOL Dammit. No - if I really like a guy, I agree with Will Smith's character in Hitch about "excuses" from a woman. She's just not into you, dude.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 No - if I really like a guy, I agree with Will Smith's character in Hitch about "excuses" from a woman. She's just not into you, dude. Yeah, I figured and have come to terms with it, which is fine. I recently broke up with a girl that otherwise was perfect, but I just didn't feel like we meshed and I started to lose that attraction. So, now, other than being momentarily disappointed, I understand it, and am not taking it personally, although it's natural to feel just a bit rejected.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 And this would be for the purpose of luring her in? Cuz at this point I don't even know I care that much. I liked her and definitely wanted to see what would happen, but I don't know if I wanna play any games to lure his in or anything like that........and I have to see each occasionally anyway, we work on events for a nonprofit together. Absolutely not. Has nothing to do with luring her, you shouldnt have to do that with anyone. The entire point of this is to distance yourself from her so you dont go through the same thing over and over, and so you dont erode your self esteem too much. Having a working relationship is fine, but you wanted to date her - not make another buddy, so keep that in mind.
sunshinegirl Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Not to give you false hope, but I "friend-zoned" a guy earlier in the summer that I am now becoming interested in. At the time I was on a "guy-aitus" and was really clear with him that I wasn't dating...still getting over someone, etc. All true. I was putting the kabash on any guy who was expressing interest at the time. So the guy I friend-zoned could have written your initial post, OP - not the chat details but the overall gist. We've since seen each other in a couple of mutual-friend situations and I have to say, the more I see him interact with his friends, the more I like him. He has periodically asked me to do things (mutually understood as being strictly platonic) and I have put him off until last weekend, when I went to a Journey concert with him (hilarious - took us both back to junior high). He's a good guy, makes me laugh, and we have a lot in common. I might just "un-friend-zone" him if he keeps being an interesting and cool guy. OP, while you should probably assume that she's not into you, she could be someone who actually does want to cope with her breakup before getting involved again, and maybe you will look different to her in a few months' time. Maybe.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Not to give you false hope, but I "friend-zoned" a guy earlier in the summer that I am now becoming interested in. At the time I was on a "guy-aitus" and was really clear with him that I wasn't dating...still getting over someone, etc. All true. I was putting the kabash on any guy who was expressing interest at the time. So the guy I friend-zoned could have written your initial post, OP - not the chat details but the overall gist. We've since seen each other in a couple of mutual-friend situations and I have to say, the more I see him interact with his friends, the more I like him. He has periodically asked me to do things (mutually understood as being strictly platonic) and I have put him off until last weekend, when I went to a Journey concert with him (hilarious - took us both back to junior high). He's a good guy, makes me laugh, and we have a lot in common. I might just "un-friend-zone" him if he keeps being an interesting and cool guy. OP, while you should probably assume that she's not into you, she could be someone who actually does want to cope with her breakup before getting involved again, and maybe you will look different to her in a few months' time. Maybe. Thanks for the post sunshine! I do realize this. The thing is that she doesn't even KNOW me, but we have known each other for a year now, saw each other here and there. So I don't think I got friendzoned because we were friends, but it didn't happen soon enough and my allure just went away. I became "tom, oh that guy I know....he's nice". In the least I know she respects and admires the person I am.......but as well know, that sometimes isn't enough. I'm not holding my breath on anything and I'm sure as hell not waiting for her or hoping something sparks, but I do realize that there is a possibility that what she is saying is genuine and she just wants all guys to be friends, even though odds are that is not the case. I'm just going to go on my way of being me and doing what I do, and we'll still interact, but as far as I'm concerned, it's not happening and if something does, it's up to her to make it happen.........and IF and when that happens, I might not be interested. Who knows what the future holds, we can only deal with the present, and that consists of me asking her out, she basically rejecting me, and me moving on.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Who knows what the future holds, we can only deal with the present, and that consists of me asking her out, she basically rejecting me, and me moving on. Wise words.
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