tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 So that one girl that I liked and wanted to ask out. Well last night I officially did it after a meetup we had for a nonprofit project we are working on (totally outside of work) I asked her out and as I was talking, she got a phone call from her mom that she had to take. Her mom is ill and she had to rush off as I was finishing asking her out.........she said she was super sorry but we would talk later that night. Later that night, she saw me on IM and we started to chat, and below is a snip of our convo. Now to remind you all, she's a 23 year old girl, super sweet, very nice and a bit inexperienced in the dating game (from what I have heard). What she says is an old time excuse, but let me know what you guys think anyway. You think there is an genuineness to it? or am I just now wasting my time? If not, how should I proceed? HER: ok sorry about earlier that I had rush off, my mom had a fall, but she's ok that's really sweet of you, TomI really like you as a person too, and I consider you as a really good friend and such a good person! and Im really glad I got to know you more and I am getting to know you more but just so you know I recently just got out of a relationship and I just feel like my heart is not ready to begin dating or anything but I hope that won't prevent us from getting to know each other more and becoming greater friends its just I feel a little fragile right now lol I hope you understand me: you don't have to say anything else, I completely understand......I've been there too! It does take some time to heal and move on! HER: I'm so glad you understand yeah, I think it will just take some time I'm sure everyone has been in the same place beforeme: it does, everybody's different!! you just gotta do what is best for you HER: true! me: and I totally respect that HER: thank you for understanding Honestly though Tom I am so happy I met you and that you are my friend I really think highly of you and think you are suchhhhh a good person and I'm proud to call you my friend :-) me: thank you, that means a lot to me and I appreciate that, you're sweet! HER: :-) its true me: and I think pretty highly of you too! You have a glow about you that I think you should be proud of HER: aww thank you!!! that's really sweet
GorillaTheater Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Based on the fact that she referred to you as her "friend" four times in the exchange you posted, I think you can probably take her at her word: you've been friend-zoned and no, there is no escape from that status.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Based on the fact that she referred to you as her "friend" four times in the exchange you posted, I think you can probably take her at her word: you've been friend-zoned and no, there is no escape from that status. That's what I thought too.........but if she's genuine about her excuse, what else is she gonna call me? I'm not too encouraged by the situation, but just wanted to get some perspective.
Thaddeus Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 GT is right (as usual... he's pretty smart). You're friend-zoned. Any chance of a more meaningful relationship can be safely considered lost. Sorry, but nothing good comes from being friend-zoned. Nothing at all.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Damn........ Any ladies want to chime in on this? If you just got out of a tough relationship, and someone you might be interested in asks you out, what is your response?
Island Girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Based on the fact that she referred to you as her "friend" four times in the exchange you posted, I think you can probably take her at her word: you've been friend-zoned and no, there is no escape from that status. I concur. Just an FYI very very few (in fact I do not know of one) people genuinely wait because of just getting out of a relationship, etc. When one meets a person they are absolutely attracted to it -- that gives them the *vavoom* feeling - they go for it. Saying she doesn't want to get into a relationship right now because it is so soon is just a convenient and nice way to let you know she is not romantically interested in you. She is letting you know she sees a lot of fantastic things about you but she doesn't want anything romantic. We all have what we are attracted to and not attracted to. Just because we find someone else appealing doesn't mean they feel likewise. And it is no one's fault and should not be taken in any way personally. Just keep this girl as a friend if you want to but look elsewhere for romance. Don't think this will change or hang on to any hope that it may work out. That will only serve to delay finding someone you are attracted to that is attracted to you too.
loveslife Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 How recently did her relationship end? How long were they together? Why did it end? I think if it were me it would depend on how I felt about the end of the previous R. If it were a longterm R and my heart was crushed I'd probably say something like, I just got out of a longterm R and my heart is crushed and I need some time to process everything. If it were me and I felt the guy could be potentially a romantic prospect in the future I don't think I'd bandy about the "friend" word, I'd just let it be whatever it would be. But then I'm older and understand how guys take the "friend" word. Hmmm although honestly thinking about it even when I was younger I didn't refer to a guy as a friend like that unless I had zero romantic interest. ("Like that" meaning in reply to him wanting to go out. I call guys I'm interested in friends in other contexts.) If the R I was getting out of wasn't that big of a deal I wouldn't need that time if it were someone I really liked. But then I'm not her.
loveslife Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Just an FYI very very few (in fact I do not know of one) people genuinely wait because of just getting out of a relationship, etc. When one meets a person they are absolutely attracted to it -- that gives them the *vavoom* feeling - they go for it. I think this is often correct. Not always, but often. If someone is giving you the vavoom feeling then you're ready for another R.
bluewolf17 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Damn........ Any ladies want to chime in on this? If you just got out of a tough relationship, and someone you might be interested in asks you out, what is your response? Reading your post, it seems like she appreciates your ego boost, but she's not interested. She could be getting over someone, and that's good on her for being honest. Either way, I would let it go unless she indicates she is ready for somthing more with you. You have already filled her in that your interested. I don't know how most girls handle this type of thing, but my feeling is you shouldn't accept dates if your hung up on someone else. No one wins in that.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Well alright...........you guys have definitely brought me down today, thanks!! hahaha, I appreciate the input though, even if it sucks hearing it! Oh well.......we move on.
Island Girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well alright...........you guys have definitely brought me down today, thanks!! hahaha, I appreciate the input though, even if it sucks hearing it! Oh well.......we move on. Look at it this way - you won't be wasting time sitting around hoping for something and getting your heart stomped on. Now you can actually just refocus and move on. Glass half full or half empty, right? Don't EVER get upset over someone not being interested in you -- it's THEIR loss. Just move on to someone who appreciates you.
loveslife Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well alright...........you guys have definitely brought me down today, thanks!! hahaha, I appreciate the input though, even if it sucks hearing it! Oh well.......we move on. Yeah, it is hard to take. But it's not really personal. We can't help who we are attracted to. I've had some really good looking male friends (smart, successful, fun, kind, etc.) who I just didn't feel it for when they felt it for me. So, as much as it feels like a rejection of who you are, it's not. It's about her more than anything. Don't let this define you. Okay?
Author tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Thank you! I know what you are saying is true and I appreciate the kind words. Just sucks when you do get that initial rejection, but as far as confidence in myself.......I still have it and will be fine. I appreciate the input once again! Will probably be bummed for the rest of the day, and tomorrow will be a new day .
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Tomtom, Ive been through this before. Ive talked to female friends of mine about it, over and over. Its an excuse. If a woman met a guy 38 seconds after ending a relationship, they would give it a shot if they liked the guy. What she is doing is shedding responsibility for not being interested, which is natural. She feels guilty because youre a nice guy, but she made it pretty obvious, by saying what a good 'friend' you are over and over, that she doesnt want anything romantically with you. It sucks, but at least you know now. It happens to the best of us dude.
GorillaTheater Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Just a note to the ladies on this thread to let you know how cool I think you all are.
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 my feeling is you shouldn't accept dates if your hung up on someone else. No one wins in that. No kidding! I got "rebounded" on twice in the last few months, and just wanted to be like, "Sweetie, just stay home with your cats instead of torturing good guys like me."
bluewolf17 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 No kidding! I got "rebounded" on twice in the last few months, and just wanted to be like, "Sweetie, just stay home with your cats instead of torturing good guys like me." Is this some sort of back handed compliment?
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Nooo, what do you mean? And anyway, you seem pretty "over it".
bluewolf17 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Nooo, what do you mean? And anyway, you seem pretty "over it". Well I guess you would know
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Haha, yeah. Got my heart busted up about a year and a half ago. Was just noticing today how rare it is that I ever think about her anymore.
Author tomtom26 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Just a note to the ladies on this thread to let you know how cool I think you all are. Agreed! But most of the people are cool.........this is an awesome forum for stuff like this. I've gotten a lot of insight and help over the past few months on this site and I try to help out others too...........
Island Girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Just a note to the ladies on this thread to let you know how cool I think you all are. Back atcha GT!!
bluewolf17 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Haha, yeah. Got my heart busted up about a year and a half ago. Was just noticing today how rare it is that I ever think about her anymore. That's awesome. Glad to hear your not a sad Kizik anymore.
Island Girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Agreed! But most of the people are cool.........this is an awesome forum for stuff like this. I've gotten a lot of insight and help over the past few months on this site and I try to help out others too........... Glad you are happy you found us tomtom. We're glad your here too.
Recommended Posts