Older men

[Trialbyfire]

In the past, studies were focused from the perspective of the age of the female, in mind. These days, there are studies being done with the age of the couples in mind, especially with the advent of fertility clinics where it's not possible for biological reasons for infertility to remain hidden. They have to get to the root cause of the couple's infertility, so both sides of the equation are now being analyzed, with no gender bias.

 

Edit - anyways, I personally prefer older men but that's not because they're more or less fertile.

[CaliGuy]

Come on Caliguy, now you're justifying with that better breeder rationalization. Just admit you find younger women more attractive, due to personal preferences, and it's all good.

 

DNA fragments within sperm, as a man ages. With this in mind, even if there's inception, the percentage of birth defects and genetic diseases increases, within the child.

 

Also, as men age, they lose the strength of propulsion, that a younger man has, in order to give their sperm the jump start necessary to get to their end goal, which is the egg that's lodged further up, within a woman's body.

 

Sperm also lose their vigorous action, as men age, necessary to break through the wall of the egg, in order to fertilize the egg.

 

Somewhere between 50 to 60% of the time, where infertility strikes a couple, the reason for infertility, is within the man.

 

Nah. What I am noticing is people are picking up on bits and pieces of what I say and biting on it rather than looking at what I say as a whole.

 

I've said, time and time again, that if I found a woman my age who was on the same level I am (fit, wanting to start a family, no baggage, never been married, life is in order, etc), I'd be all over it. And don't think I haven't tried, because I have.

 

The fact is, most women my age are done with kids, have been married and divorced (some of them more than once) and have more luggage than Imelda Marcos (sp?!).

 

Is it bragging to say that I *can* date women much younger than me? No because I am trying to make the point that I *can* do it and therefore do not have to "settle" for someone who's already lived out what I have yet to experience.

 

I shouldn't be pigeon-holed into a classification based on my age. I'm youthful in looks, attitude and spirit -- which also makes dating women my age an issue.

 

Do I prefer younger women?! Sure. But it's not all about looks. It has much more to do with ME and where I am at this point in my life than it does with THEM.

 

Cheers.

[clv0116]

I date younger women and I don't see anything wrong with it.

[CaliGuy]

I date younger women and I don't see anything wrong with it.

 

According to some, the motives for dating younger women are "evil" and not socially acceptable.

 

I say: DATE WHOEVER YOU WANT! (and who wants to date you).

 

It's your life to live, not theirs. Don't let people tell you how to live your life (within the law, remind you!). The only person on this planet responsible for your wants, needs and happiness is - YOU!

[ReturnToSender]

Ive been following this thread with a lot of interest...and I have to say Caliguy really is holding his own.

 

Seriously, there is no specific timeline where one must do A then B then C. Some people choose to focus on themselves and their career before having a family. Some people choose to start with the family and then work on their career. Some people only want a career with no desire to settle down. Some people only want a family with no desire to work on a career.

 

No matter what age a person is...there needs to be attraction, compatibility, and shared goals in life. While finding that match isnt always easy...the concept itself is so simple.

[CaliGuy]

Ive been following this thread with a lot of interest...and I have to say Caliguy really is holding his own.

 

Seriously, there is no specific timeline where one must do A then B then C. Some people choose to focus on themselves and their career before having a family. Some people choose to start with the family and then work on their career. Some people only want a career with no desire to settle down. Some people only want a family with no desire to work on a career.

 

No matter what age a person is...there needs to be attraction, compatibility, and shared goals in life. While finding that match isnt always easy...the concept itself is so simple.

 

Thanks.

 

I've already admitted to being a slow starter in this arena. I didn't want to be married and settled down in my 20s and early 30s. It wasn't until I hit my mid 30s that I was like "Ok, I'm ready to settle down."

 

There are older women here who prefer younger men. I don't hear them being raked over the coals for it. There's also people alluding that I just like younger women so that's the reason, totally ignoring the fact that I'm at a different point in my life than women my age -- even when I've pointed out that most women 40 years old are done with having kids.

 

I think the only time I have chastised anyone for their "dating" preferences has been when it's come to dating a married man/woman. That's about the only time I put my foot down and get angry.

 

Marriage is something to be treasured, not taken for granted. It really chaps my hide that someone says "To death do us part" and they go off boinking someone else.

 

Cheers.

[loveslife]

I'm really surprised that people get so riled up about a total stranger's dating preference. Like it's the downfall of civilization if someone wants to date a type of person you yourself thinks you would not.

 

And it's not just on LS. It's everywhere. People think they have the right to judge other people's private life.

 

One thing I have learned in my fortysomething years is to never say never. And know right now that your life will take twists and turns you cannot imagine today.

[Trialbyfire]

Nah. What I am noticing is people are picking up on bits and pieces of what I say and biting on it rather than looking at what I say as a whole.

 

I've said, time and time again, that if I found a woman my age who was on the same level I am (fit, wanting to start a family, no baggage, never been married, life is in order, etc), I'd be all over it. And don't think I haven't tried, because I have.

 

The fact is, most women my age are done with kids, have been married and divorced (some of them more than once) and have more luggage than Imelda Marcos (sp?!).

 

Is it bragging to say that I *can* date women much younger than me? No because I am trying to make the point that I *can* do it and therefore do not have to "settle" for someone who's already lived out what I have yet to experience.

 

I shouldn't be pigeon-holed into a classification based on my age. I'm youthful in looks, attitude and spirit -- which also makes dating women my age an issue.

 

Do I prefer younger women?! Sure. But it's not all about looks. It has much more to do with ME and where I am at this point in my life than it does with THEM.

 

Cheers.

I don't care what your preferences are. It's your life and something I've always said. Just don't use lame rationalizations, like the above ones or the better breeder argument.

 

As for baggage, find me anyone who's ever experienced anything, who doesn't have some form of baggage or another. Both you and I have baggage from prior relationships so to expect that someone you're dating, has no baggage is unrealistic, regardless of age. IMO, it's the bitterness towards the opposite gender, that's a turn-off, rather than having experience.

 

And once again, my preference has always been for older men. It's about the stage in life, someone who's been there, done that, with no bitterness, and is realistic in their expectations of a partner. And that's what I've found with my man. His maturity level far exceeds his biological age. Sure he has baggage, in that he's determined to have a family which to me, is one of his strong selling points, as opposed to "baggage".

[Isolde]

Cali, I'm surprised you haven't met a lot of thirtysomething women who've never been married. There are plenty out there...

[ReturnToSender]

So true loveslife... I dont get it either...all the hostility towards someone for their preferences. From the second I was legal up till a couple years ago, I was attracted to and only dated older men...not just a couple years older...15-25y older.

 

I got so much slack for it, but I really didnt care less. In all my infinite teenaged wisdom, I once told someone...my life, go get your own life. And as far as I was concerned, the conversation was over. I found that the people who were busy dissectting the why and the phychological reasons and whatever else they could think of for it being wrong, had so much going wrong in their own lives, that they were looking at me as a distraction from what they should have been focusing on...themselves!

 

Seriously..even if your only reason for liking younger women is because they are hot Caliguy...I could care less. We all do that...we see..we like...we investigate. No one goes after someone they have no attraction to.

 

But hey, maybe when guys stop mistaking me for 25 and shocked I have a kid, then Ill get offended and decide younger women are evil LoL! But for now..."they're people too!"

[loveslife]

So true loveslife... I dont get it either...all the hostility towards someone for their preferences. From the second I was legal up till a couple years ago, I was attracted to and only dated older men...not just a couple years older...15-25y older.

 

I got so much slack for it, but I really didnt care less. In all my infinite teenaged wisdom, I once told someone...my life, go get your own life. And as far as I was concerned, the conversation was over. I found that the people who were busy dissectting the why and the phychological reasons and whatever else they could think of for it being wrong, had so much going wrong in their own lives, that they were looking at me as a distraction from what they should have been focusing on...themselves!

 

Seriously..even if your only reason for liking younger women is because they are hot Caliguy...I could care less. We all do that...we see..we like...we investigate. No one goes after someone they have no attraction to.

 

But hey, maybe when guys stop mistaking me for 25 and shocked I have a kid, then Ill get offended and decide younger women are evil LoL! But for now..."they're people too!"

 

Something else I find really odd is how people expend energy defending their choices to strangers on a message board.

[CaliGuy]

I don't care what your preferences are. It's your life and something I've always said. Just don't use lame rationalizations, like the above ones or the better breeder argument.

 

As for baggage, find me anyone who's ever experienced anything, who doesn't have some form of baggage or another. Both you and I have baggage from prior relationships so to expect that someone you're dating, has no baggage is unrealistic, regardless of age. IMO, it's the bitterness towards the opposite gender, that's a turn-off, rather than having experience.

 

And once again, my preference has always been for older men. It's about the stage in life, someone who's been there, done that, with no bitterness, and is realistic in their expectations of a partner. And that's what I've found with my man. His maturity level far exceeds his biological age. Sure he has baggage, in that he's determined to have a family which to me, is one of his strong selling points, as opposed to "baggage".

 

There are no lame arguments from my perspective. Maybe I am one of the unlucky ones who ends up meeting a lot of women with personal issues -- but I am confident enough to walk away from them.

 

I have my crap together. I don't think it's too much to ask for the same from a significant other.

 

Whether someone chooses to put a label on that (bitterness or whatever) or not isn't my problem

 

Cheers!

[CaliGuy]

Something else I find really odd is how people expend energy defending their choices to strangers on a message board.

 

I find it just as odd that people spend so much energy attacking the choices of strangers on a message board.

 

[Isolde]

Maybe I am one of the unlucky ones who ends up meeting a lot of women with personal issues -- but I am confident enough to walk away from them.

 

I think the board is basically on your side Cali. I for one believe once you find a woman that shares your outlook and optimistic attitude, you will know it.

[clv0116]

According to some, the motives for dating younger women are "evil" and not socially acceptable.

 

Older women often find it unacceptable, but I'm OK with that. Sometimes they get support from younger women and men, and I'm OK with that.

[Jersey Shortie]

According to some, the motives for dating younger women are "evil" and not socially acceptable.

 

God Caliguy, no one went that far. It has nothing to do with being called "evil". That is quite the over the top statement to make.

 

I will say I am confused because you said you would love to find a woman your age but then you say you prefer younger women. So which is it? Your message is pretty confusing. And yes I am sorry but I do think you are proud of the fact that you look younger and act younger. There is NOTHING wrong with that but you do sometimes brag about it.

 

I am fine with people dating who they want. However, I find alot of men's attitudes toward women frigthening and depressing.

 

 

From the second I was legal up till a couple years ago, I was attracted to and only dated older men...not just a couple years older...15-25y older.

 

As someone who has dated older men as well, I have often asked myself if they would have still dated me if I was 15 or 25 years older myself.

[Jaytb]

God Caliguy, no one went that far. It has nothing to do with being called "evil". That is quite the over the top statement to make.

 

I will say I am confused because you said you would love to find a woman your age but then you say you prefer younger women. So which is it? Your message is pretty confusing. And yes I am sorry but I do think you are proud of the fact that you look younger and act younger. There is NOTHING wrong with that but you do sometimes brag about it.

 

I am fine with people dating who they want. However, I find alot of men's attitudes toward women frigthening and depressing.

 

So it can't be both right? you can't enjoy both older and younger women, you have to only stick with one or the other? lovely.

 

Also I'm waiting to see at least one post of JS's that talks about men without resorting to weasel words.

 

Also I find JS's typos hilarious. Frigthening? sounds like some form of female masturbation

[CaliGuy]

I think the board is basically on your side Cali. I for one believe once you find a woman that shares your outlook and optimistic attitude, you will know it.

 

Thanks. I'm not trying to convince anyone on this board of anything. When I find the right woman, I will know it -- and I won't worry about her age.

 

Older women often find it unacceptable, but I'm OK with that. Sometimes they get support from younger women and men, and I'm OK with that.

 

Exactly.

 

God Caliguy, no one went that far. It has nothing to do with being called "evil". That is quite the over the top statement to make.

 

I will say I am confused because you said you would love to find a woman your age but then you say you prefer younger women. So which is it? Your message is pretty confusing. And yes I am sorry but I do think you are proud of the fact that you look younger and act younger. There is NOTHING wrong with that but you do sometimes brag about it.

 

I am fine with people dating who they want. However, I find alot of men's attitudes toward women frigthening and depressing.

 

As someone who has dated older men as well, I have often asked myself if they would have still dated me if I was 15 or 25 years older myself.

 

The problem I have with your posts, JS, is that you question my motives and desires. It's that you take an attacking position against age gaps. I seriously think that your past experiences are heavily weighting your opinion. And that's fine, you have a right to your opinion -- and I simply do not need/care to defend my position.

 

I like who I like and if it bothers you, again, that's your problem, not mine.

 

So it can't be both right? you can't enjoy both older and younger women, you have to only stick with one or the other? lovely.

 

Also I'm waiting to see at least one post of JS's that talks about men without resorting to weasel words.

 

Also I find JS's typos hilarious. Frigthening? sounds like some form of female masturbation

 

Meh, she's jaded and I understand that. I just don't think that anyone should "assume" they know the motivation of another person in earnest. That's just really silly.

 

Don't tell me who I *should* like and I won't tell others who they should like (as long as it's not infidelity! Now that is evil!)

[aquafina]

I had always dated women who were younger than me, from 11-12 years my junior to 3 years. But after hitting big 40 just recently I'm now looking at younger women who are in their late 20's. :) Although I refrain from stating the reasons in this post as to why I'd like to date women who are younger than me by more than 13-14 years...(most of you could guess the obvious... ), the following are the facts I've learned from dating younger women that were at least 7-8 years junior than my own age at the times;

 

(I admit that I haven't read all the posts on this thread, so please excuse the redundancy if it happens...)

 

most women don't mind how old the guy is if the guy does(is) these things;

 

1. in tip-top shape and healthy. This is a must before anything else can happen. It's so biological and even more true for the older guy as he has to show the younger girl that he's at least as physically attractive as and can hold his own when up against much younger guys...

2. has a great personality, e.g., witty/funny, intelligent, caring, considerate, thoughtful, etc. etc. This might take some time to show as the relationship matures and develops but a guy has to be able to entertain the younger woman at will.

3. doesn't hurt if the older guy is financially secure although it's not the most important thing. #1 & #2 are more important. But as a rule of thumb, much younger woman expects this in an older gentleman.

4. have to be very patient and don't rush things. This is when experience and maturity can make the difference or break the relationship. I don't care what people say about the maturity of females or about their learning curves; from my own experinces, women were pretty immature and inexperienced in certain situations and I really had to be the one who had to work harder to hold the relationship together. But this is what's to be expected in this kind of relationship, so be ready for those moments.

 

That's all I can think of right now.

 

The thing is that it really depends on the individuals. The chemistry is really important as you know. Age is really just the number if you play the cards right...

[deux ex machina]

Cali, I'm surprised you haven't met a lot of thirtysomething women who've never been married. There are plenty out there...

 

I don't get it either. Bad juju?

[Citizen Erased]

I think the board is basically on your side Cali. I for one believe once you find a woman that shares your outlook and optimistic attitude, you will know it.

 

I really don't think they are.

[CaliGuy]

I had always dated women who were younger than me, from 11-12 years my junior to 3 years. But after hitting big 40 just recently I'm now looking at younger women who are in their late 20's. :) Although I refrain from stating the reasons in this post as to why I'd like to date women who are younger than me by more than 13-14 years...(most of you could guess the obvious... ), the following are the facts I've learned from dating younger women that were at least 7-8 years junior than my own age at the times;

 

(I admit that I haven't read all the posts on this thread, so please excuse the redundancy if it happens...)

 

most women don't mind how old the guy is if the guy does(is) these things;

 

1. in tip-top shape and healthy. This is a must before anything else can happen. It's so biological and even more true for the older guy as he has to show the younger girl that he's at least as physically attractive as and can hold his own when up against much younger guys...

2. has a great personality, e.g., witty/funny, intelligent, caring, considerate, thoughtful, etc. etc. This might take some time to show as the relationship matures and develops but a guy has to be able to entertain the younger woman at will.

3. doesn't hurt if the older guy is financially secure although it's not the most important thing. #1 & #2 are more important. But as a rule of thumb, much younger woman expects this in an older gentleman.

4. have to be very patient and don't rush things. This is when experience and maturity can make the difference or break the relationship. I don't care what people say about the maturity of females or about their learning curves; from my own experinces, women were pretty immature and inexperienced in certain situations and I really had to be the one who had to work harder to hold the relationship together. But this is what's to be expected in this kind of relationship, so be ready for those moments.

 

That's all I can think of right now.

 

The thing is that it really depends on the individuals. The chemistry is really important as you know. Age is really just the number if you play the cards right...

 

So let me summarize:

 

If you are an older guy who prefers to date younger women, you have to work MUCH harder to attract and keep them than if you dated women your own age.

 

I don't get it either. Bad juju?

 

Nah, I've tried. Really hard. Most of the ones I have met are either high maintenance or have a lot of luggage that I prefer not to deal with.

 

As I have said many times, I bring a LOT to the table with little to no baggage (other than an odd personality quirk or two, but nothing bad).

[sally4sara]

Although I refrain from stating the reasons in this post as to why I'd like to date women who are younger than me by more than 13-14 years...(most of you could guess the obvious... ), the following are the facts I've learned from dating younger women that were at least 7-8 years junior than my own age at the times;

 

 

4. have to be very patient and don't rush things. This is when experience and maturity can make the difference or break the relationship. I don't care what people say about the maturity of females or about their learning curves; from my own experinces, women were pretty immature and inexperienced in certain situations and I really had to be the one who had to work harder to hold the relationship together. But this is what's to be expected in this kind of relationship, so be ready for those moments.

 

 

I don't understand either of the bolded statements very clearly. It sounds like the poster feels there are very defined benefits of women 13- 14 years younger than whatever his age is, but then it sounds like the poster is complaining about immaturity and a lack of intelligence one might find within this age difference. I think I'm not comprehending the statement being made because it sounds like complaining about a situation you intentionally sought out.....

[JohnP82]

Yeah I can believe it. I was recently told at a party that I was too old, I'm 25, by a 22 year old girl. However, I know a girl that's my age and is marrying a guy who is almost 40.

[Jersey Shortie]

Because for some women 25 is too old at 22. And for others 40 is too old. And for some, it isn't. But wait another 10 years when that guy hits 50 and it might be a different experience for her then what she was expecting. Or perhaps it's a matter of finacial security. Already at 40 he is aging faster then her in her 20s though. That's nature. The older you get, the faster you age.

 

 

So it can't be both right? you can't enjoy both older and younger women, you have to only stick with one or the other? lovely.

 

No, not at all. If a man can enjoy both younger, older and women his age, I think that's great. If you can enjoy all ages and types of women I think that says a level of appreciation for what a woman is rather then being interested in her because she is younger then you first. It's the men that only can enjoy women younger that send a very clear message. I mean, even the girl he is dating is going to get older. What happens then? Does he keep living his life as a revolving door for women to come in and check out when their time is up? Does he get to revel in his masculinty and revealing in the fact that his partner gets older and apparently in quite a few men's eyes, less feminine and worthy of love, sex and respect? Do you think any woman on the face of this planet wants to live her life that way or wants to live her life with a man that is her age, younger or even older then her that has that mentality?

 

 

 

Also I'm waiting to see at least one post of JS's that talks about men without resorting to weasel words.

 

What weasel words?? Because I said I was disheartened? That's a weasel word? Alot of men are tooting their own horns about how fabulous they are well old-age and about how completely crappy women are after 30. What do you expect women to take from that? If anything, it's men putting women down here. Not women putting men down. At least we look at you with respect even when you do age. I don't think enough men can say the same. We're kind of screwed no matter what we do. Sure, you might date us when we are younger but heck, no one stays young forever so I guess alot of guys are just on a constant revolving door for the next new generation of legal ladies. But good for you, that's how it should be right? It seems to me that there the worth of a man is apparently more then that of a woman. That seems to be the viewpoint of many men here.

 

 

The problem I have with your posts, JS, is that you question my motives and desires. It's that you take an attacking position against age gaps. I seriously think that your past experiences are heavily weighting your opinion. And that's fine, you have a right to your opinion -- and I simply do not need/care to defend my position.

 

CaliGuy, I never personally question your personal motive and desires. I don't think you liked the honesty I used in talking about older men. I am not asking you to defend anything. I was just confused because you said you would date a woman your age if you found one then you said you prefered younger women.

 

I like who I like and if it bothers you, again, that's your problem, not mine.

 

It doesn't bother me. I was trying to figure out what you were trying to say because you said two conflicting things. To me, it seems like you partied when you were younger (your own words), now you expect someone younger to settle down with you.

 

 

Meh, she's jaded and I understand that. I just don't think that anyone should "assume" they know the motivation of another person in earnest. That's just really silly.

 

Maybe if you read this board from a woman's eyes you would undestand what its like to hear alot of you guys just rip us to shreds. I am sure if alot of women had the options they wouldn't age because that is clearly something men find unacceptable in women.

 

Don't tell me who I *should* like and I won't tell others who they should like (as long as it's not infidelity! Now that is evil!)

 

No one ever told you who you should or shouldn't like.