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The hardest decision I have to make..


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Posted

Hi. I found this forum today and wanted to share my situation and hear your opinions about this. I know it's a real common situation, but your opinions would really help me to get out of this confusion..

 

Me and my boyfriend are working together and everybody including our families and co-workers know our relationship. They all are expecting our marriage. We're together for almost a year now. But in the mid of our relationship I started realizing that he's not the kind of man I've been imagining. In the beginning, I was deeply into him and he was just "she's a nice girl" mode. Or maybe I should say, I was in love with the imaginative person that I created about him. We were apart for few months after our get together and that kept me from realizing his true nature. But gradually I started finding his flaws and felt my feelings grow weaker. There were many times I have decided to break up, but each time something had stopped me. It was partly sympathy, partly hope for a change in him or in my feelings. Also there were few other factors that stopped me ending with him.

 

First one was that I'm 28 years old now and it's thought to be an old age for women in my country to get married and have children. I myself, want to have a baby now, and sometimes I do feel like we will work out fine if we'll build a family.

 

Second big factor is that we work together. There's almost no chance that one of us will change the job, because it's one of the nicest jobs in our country. So I almost feel that meeting him everyday after our break up would be harder than going on with him without love. And then, our parents met each other, which means one big step before engagement is done. I can imagine how hard it would be not only to him, but to his parents as well. They seem to like me and already considering me as their daughter-in-law.

 

I know it's my fault to take it this far. But I felt like I have to give it another chance, to him, to our relationship. He's not a bad person, actually he's a kind person. He's just not a mature enough, easy-going guy who doesn't like serious talks, taking life seriously.. I already told him that I don't feel for him anymore, and he then promised to try to be the man I want him to be. And now he's trying a lot, which seems to be melting my heart. But from time to time I still feel sadness of thinking about break up. Sometimes I feel like it's the only way. I know it will hurt him too bad and I'll be heartbroken, too. But I guess it's time for a decision..

 

So I would really appreciate your opinion about this. Thank you!

Posted

The most important thing is having kids will not make you love him more it will only make things more difficult. These children will grow up in an unhappy household and become unhappy adults. They are not pawns in your relationship; they are real people who will end up having real problems.

 

Please, please, please do not have children with a person you obviously do not love!!!!

 

Secondly the things that bother you now about this man will only bother you more as time goes by. If you stay in this relationship you will grow resentful and unhappy and you’re looking at years of depression. Break this off before it’s too late. Every reason you have given for staying with this person is the wrong reason. You are taking everyone else’s feelings into consideration but your own.

 

The job thing can be worked out, especially if you are careful to break this off in the most civilized way possible.

 

Good Luck!

Posted
The most important thing is having kids will not make you love him more it will only make things more difficult.
Quoted for truth.

 

One of the biggest misconceptions (no pun intended) that couples have is that having kids somehow cements the relationship between the couple.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Posted

Once you have children with someone you are forming a bond with him that will never be broken. The child or children deserve to be brrought up in a home with two loving parents and I know that doesn't always turn out to be the case. However, if you are having second thoughts right now and have children, you aren't giving them a fair shot right out of the gate. You have to be 1000% committed to him for that.

 

You need to do what is best for you, don't worry about friends, family and everyone else. They will respect your decision in time. He's either the one or he isn't. Take some time, figure things out for yourself and your decision will work out in the end. He did try and change for you, that's got to count for something..but it may not be enough. Listen to your heart. Good luck.

Posted

If you stay with him because it is easier at some point in the future you will hate him or he will hate you or you will hate yourself for doing so. At that point all of the reason that is keeping you in this relationship will magnify and the problem of leaving it will too.

 

If you do care for this person doesn't he desire to be with someone who loves him for who he is?

  • Author
Posted

Thank you for your opinions. I guess you all right. I think I just needed someone's support on my decision of breaking up. Now I realize that in the long run it would be for his sake as well, not only for mine..

Wish me luck!! I'll write again after-wards about what happened.

Thanks again!

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