Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Entitlement. The world is full of it today!No kidding. The person being pursued, rarely asks for unwanted pursuit. So now, it's their responsibility to pander to the unwanted pursuers' egos.
looking4 green grass Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 No kidding. The person being pursued, rarely asks for unwanted pursuit. So now, it's their responsibility to pander to the unwanted pursuers' egos. That seems like a disaster in the making.
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 so you've told somebody directly "you're not my type," and they still keep pursuing you? I find that kind of implausible unless they're loopy. I have a feeling you're being less direct. Wow... You brought up an issue, I addresed, and now Im a liar because I didnt say what you wanted? I said 'I think youre fun and all, but I dont feel a spark romantically, and dont want to pursue a relationship' almost those exact words, and the girl still IM's me and wants to hang out, makes comments about me being her 'date' for nights out, and its been 6+ months. I dont have the energy to make up stories to get a rise out of people here. You forget that the person being pursued, also has feelings and is human. Not too many people enjoy rejecting others. Thank you! Its like its your fault someone likes you and you arent interested.
Isolde Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I hardly think being direct to someone you're rejecting so that they don't misunderstand, is having the "onus" put on you. It's just a way to get them out of your face, and have them understand once and for all, that you're not interested. As someone who's been on both sides of the coin, I think I can say this with some understanding of what's involved.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Thank you! Its like its your fault someone likes you and you arent interested.I think most people try to reject in the kindest way possible at the outset but after awhile, it gets annoying. Then when they get into a snit over the rejection and start to get mean about it, that's when being mean back usually happens. Yesu, we're all human so try to see both sides. I try to see it when I'm rejecting, even giving men the opening to deny they ever were interested in the first place, that they were just kidding, to save their egos. So it's so annoying when people do the blanket generalizations of "all [insert stereotype] are evil and mean".
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I think most people try to reject in the kindest way possible at the outset but after awhile, it gets annoying. Then when they get into a snit over the rejection and start to get mean about it, that's when being mean back usually happens. Yesu, we're all human so try to see both sides. I try to see it when I'm rejecting, even giving men the opening to deny they ever were interested in the first place, that they were just kidding, to save their egos. So it's so annoying when people do the blanket generalizations of "all [insert stereotype] are evil and mean". TBF, that kind of goes back to the sense of entitlement issue people have. The fact that you like someone does not mean they are now required to like you back or come up with a good reason why they dont. As someone who has been blown off and ignored, it doesnt feel good, but at the end of the day, the point got accross. It is annoying when I have to tell this same girl over and over 'remember how i said i didnt want to pursue anything with you?' just because I want to use my IM which she also has. People DONT take 'no' for answer sometimes, and its really frustrating. How can you not get upset after a while?
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I saw a thread today on another site where the user posted a question: Why are all hot people (guys) mean?! Ok a couple things I noticed. She wasn't very attractive and no, I am not judging here, it's important to point out because whenever I have heard that statement made, it's always in the context of the following. 1. Unattractive person is interested in very attractive person. 2. Very attractive person is kind, but shows no interest. 3. Unattractive person assumes kindness = interest and keeps pursuing. 4. Very attractive person gets frustrated after numerous kind/gentle messages of no interest go un-heeded. 5. Very attractive person has to get mean to get the message across. 6. Unattractive person post on a message forum that *ALL* attractive people are "mean". In every case where there was someone interested in me whom I did not find attractive (to me) and I tried to turn them down gently, eventually I had to get mean because they interpreted my kindness as interest. Agree/Disagree and/or why? This happens to me, a lot! I mean literally yesterday I had some guy on campus yell out the back window of his friend car to me saying "YOUR BEAUTIFULLLL!" I'm use to being hit on and asked out. I only get mean if a guy keeps going past 3-6 months and more so if I don't know the guy too. If he is a friend I'll be straight forward and honest but I won't crush him and get all b***hy. I've been rejected as well too. But I was a lot younger then and sort of last year too. But it didn't have anything to do with looks both times. It was more the fact of conflicting situations and the other was a very deep bond of friendship. But I have seen the very attractive guys and girls get really mean to some people. I've been told I'm pretty, beautiful, hot, gorgeous, and everything else under the sun. But I remember everyone is human and we all have egos, so I try and be nice unless the guy is literally about 5-10 inches from my face and he doesn't get it cause he had one too many drinks, then I'm mean. Its called personal space and respect buddy lol... To anyone that doesn't feel attractive enough and has gotten burned by someone who is: don't worry they weren't good enough for YOU, cause 9 times out of 10 those types have half of a brain and its the half that held the personality that makes a person interesting in the first place...
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Sometimes being attractive means that everyone seems to want a piece of you. And sometimes you just want to be left alone, feeling there is not enough of you to go around. Or sometimes it feels like if you had sex with every guy who asks there'd be nothing left of you. On the other side, if you are feeling resentful of someone because, hey, they're hot and you're not, then it's likely they can pick up on that. Sometimes though they do have a sense of entitlement or their pick of lots of people. But they're not always mean, sometimes they're just being self-protective. Personally, I find very unattractive people a lot more mean than the very attractive ones. But that's not PC to say, is it. People who have something going for them make easier targets. ICA! Thank you for posting this! And its true. I go onto campus everyday and I get stared down by guys left and right. Its so annoying! Its makes me want to shout and say "Take a picture it'll last longer!"... And the worst is the guys who watch me from about 30-40 feet away as I'm coming in their direction to go to class. I even get checked out by teachers of the opposite sex sometimes... its so annoying! And its true. Its about protecting one self. I've had experiences where guys get so offended that they get actually violent due to not being liked back by some girl. It didn't happen to me, but I've had friends that have been through this and its not pretty. And I always find its the kind of "tough" guy who thinks he is GOD because he is good looking, has money, the best car, and got a top notch degree at a good school. A**holes lmao thats what they are cause they have no personality and think about the dumbest shyt ever! I like substance in my convos thank you very much! lol
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Because lots of people are spineless idiots who allow themselves to trampled on by those they deem "hotter" or "better" than them. A general statement: if you are being treated badly, it's your own fault. There is no excuse for abuse/neglect/rudeness, but if you don't ditch bad people, I don't feel sorry for you at all. Self-respect is a must. You sound like you've been burned by someone who you were attracted to in the past. Your very negative and very negative people are unattractive to anyone. You can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar you know...
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well, yeah. The reason why so many hot women are single is the lack of understanding that guy's desire for a relationship does not linearly correlate with girl's hotness. After some basic - and very attainable - treshold of being conventionally pretty/attractive, the likelyhood of a relationship is determined by the woman's attitude and character. Very hot women like the one described above tend to think that their hotness alone makes them eligible for a relationship (and that they can have their pick too - as in "I'm so hot, I don't have to do a thing"), while this is simply not the case. This is not to say that all hot women are delusional , but that all else equal hotness may leas to responding to the wrong incentives (such as mistaking steady sexual interest due to hotness to inner worth). Its very true. Guys need something, well the smart ones, need a brain in a girl. Not just a body and pretty face. You can stare at pretty faces and hot bodies online all day, but it won't talk to you. Its like that for guys I've noticed.
looking4 green grass Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 No kidding. The person being pursued, rarely asks for unwanted pursuit. So now, it's their responsibility to pander to the unwanted pursuers' egos. Wow... You brought up an issue, I addresed, and now Im a liar because I didnt say what you wanted? I said 'I think youre fun and all, but I dont feel a spark romantically, and dont want to pursue a relationship' almost those exact words, and the girl still IM's me and wants to hang out, makes comments about me being her 'date' for nights out, and its been 6+ months. I dont have the energy to make up stories to get a rise out of people here. Thank you! Its like its your fault someone likes you and you arent interested. You are not alone! While standing on my front porch Dude: I think you're great, I see us as being more than friends. Me: I am flattered, but I am not interested in pursuing a relationship. (Could I be more blunt??) Insert six weeks of non stop calls and texts (which I did not answer or respond to) about how he wants to see me again and how beautiful he thinks I am, etc. Me: (finally via text...yep, it was mean.) I'm not sure what part of I do not want to pursue a relationship you did not understand. I was serious when I said that. Several days later Dude: I have so many things running through my mind, please call so we can talk this over. I think you're so great. Me: silence........... Really? Will it ever end? How much more blunt do I need to be? lol I feel your pain!
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Really? Will it ever end? How much more blunt do I need to be? lol I feel your pain! Here is a recap of EVERY convo I have with this girl: her: hey how are you? me: not bad, just doing x (whatever im doing) her: hey my friend is having a party X day, wanna be my date? me: remember I said I didnt want to be romantic with you? her: yeah...i do me: I dont want to be mean, but that would be awkward for me her: yeah, lets still be friends though ok? me: sure, Im not mad or upset, but we're just not compatible like that her: i think we are and then I usually sign off. Its happened no less than 15 times. I can sign on YIM right now and have the same thing happen again. I dont know what the best thing to do is, some people just dont get it. Im not even being subtle, neither are you...its just mind boggling.
Sam Spade Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 ^^ haha, you better watch it, she'll keep wearing you down until one day you're too tired to say no, and then BAM!
deux ex machina Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Those people aren't your friends - they are trying to get something out of you.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Wow, this girl is determined! I'm not completely kidding when I tell you to never put your drink down in her presence.
kizik Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 You sound like you've been burned by someone who you were attracted to in the past. Your very negative and very negative people are unattractive to anyone. You can catch more flies with honey then with vinegar you know... Thanks darlin'! I always love advice from bad spellers.
Author CaliGuy Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Those people aren't your friends - they are trying to get something out of you. Of course. They want sex, mostly. And if you're rejecting them, then they aren't getting what they want. Then the get angry or call you names (conceited, arrogant, snobby, etc). Immature people who don't get what they want WHINE about it. Mature people who don't get what they want don't complain. They just move on to the next great thing.
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Wow, this girl is determined! I'm not completely kidding when I tell you to never put your drink down in her presence. I hung out with her ONCE, and then told her I wasnt interested at the end of it. It wasnt even a date, she ran a few errands with me, and we got lunch on the go. I havent seen her since, we only chat on IM, and even at that, sometimes I just sign off without saying anything.
looking4 green grass Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I hung out with her ONCE, and then told her I wasnt interested at the end of it. It wasnt even a date, she ran a few errands with me, and we got lunch on the go. I havent seen her since, we only chat on IM, and even at that, sometimes I just sign off without saying anything. haha Sounds like one of my friends. She doesn't get it either. Her last bf told her to NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN, so she called him, no lie 20 times the next day. And somehow in her mind that made sense. To this day she STILL calls his mother whenever she hears a rumor about him. It's unreal. Let it go already. CLUE IN.
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 haha Sounds like one of my friends. She doesn't get it either. Her last bf told her to NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN, so she called him, no lie 20 times the next day. And somehow in her mind that made sense. To this day she STILL calls his mother whenever she hears a rumor about him. It's unreal. Let it go already. CLUE IN. I mean, Im sure guys are just as bad if not worse, but sometimes you really have to wonder about people. Ive NEVER had anyone be that direct, and yet Ive still managed to get the point, you know? I love when people say 'never call me again' and then the person finds some reason they have to call. But at the same time, Ive known people to say that to ex's and then wonder why they havent called, so...
looking4 green grass Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I mean, Im sure guys are just as bad if not worse, but sometimes you really have to wonder about people. Ive NEVER had anyone be that direct, and yet Ive still managed to get the point, you know? I love when people say 'never call me again' and then the person finds some reason they have to call. But at the same time, Ive known people to say that to ex's and then wonder why they havent called, so... I know for my friend she is very controlling in dating situations and since she was not in "control" of the split, he broke up with her, she continues to find ways to control the situation to make it still work out to her advantage. Maybe your crazy girl has similar issues.
BCCA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I know for my friend she is very controlling in dating situations and since she was not in "control" of the split, he broke up with her, she continues to find ways to control the situation to make it still work out to her advantage. Maybe your crazy girl has similar issues. Ive actually heard of that before. She probably just needs to know that she can do something that effects him in some way. I cant believe she calls his mom, I would be so pissed, that is SO obnoxious! I dont know/care what this girls deal is. I think I may just have to ignore her, even though I absolutely hate when people do that to me. Nothing else works.
deux ex machina Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Of course. They want sex, mostly. And if you're rejecting them, then they aren't getting what they want. Then the get angry or call you names (conceited, arrogant, snobby, etc). Immature people who don't get what they want WHINE about it. Mature people who don't get what they want don't complain. They just move on to the next great thing. In my experience, if they can't let it go, they usually turn into passive-aggressive weenies or just plain mean. It gets to me only when it occurs in a way that could truly hurt me - for example in work situations (THAT can get messy!), or when they try to bring me down in front of other men - up to and including lying. Are we outta junior high yet? Lol Good points as always, Cali.
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 You are not alone! While standing on my front porch Dude: I think you're great, I see us as being more than friends. Me: I am flattered, but I am not interested in pursuing a relationship. (Could I be more blunt??) Insert six weeks of non stop calls and texts (which I did not answer or respond to) about how he wants to see me again and how beautiful he thinks I am, etc. Me: (finally via text...yep, it was mean.) I'm not sure what part of I do not want to pursue a relationship you did not understand. I was serious when I said that. Several days later Dude: I have so many things running through my mind, please call so we can talk this over. I think you're so great. Me: silence........... Really? Will it ever end? How much more blunt do I need to be? lol I feel your pain! I think you need to be MORE direct. Say something like: "Your a nice guy and all, but I don't see a future with you, ever. You not my type and I'm not even attracted to you. There is probably some girl out there that is, but it isn't me. If I was I wouldn't be saying this stuff to you, not even one bit. So please stop with the repeated texts and calls, your coming off needy... I'm sorry..."
vanilla87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 her: hey how are you? me: not bad, just doing x (whatever im doing) her: hey my friend is having a party X day, wanna be my date? me: remember I said I didnt want to be romantic with you? her: yeah...i do me: I dont want to be mean, but that would be awkward for me her: yeah, lets still be friends though ok? me: sure, Im not mad or upset, but we're just not compatible like that her: i think we are and then I usually sign off. DAMN! lol wow that is denial in its fullest form! I think you need to ignore her, do NC for like a week or two so she gets the point, cause she won't stop till you cave in and give her a chance to be with you. She doesn't get the hint and sounds like the type that has always gotten what she has wanted in the past. DON'T GIVE IN! lol
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