Why are hot people mean (reposted from another site)

[CaliGuy]

Aye, aye, Caliguy.

 

It's so sad that people are sometimes so insecure that they would rather be treated badly than alone, to try their luck at someone better. People's need for companionship can be so strong that it overrides reason.

 

The funny part about that is, the less vibe you give off that you want to be with someone, the better odds you will be. People who are comfy with themselves and not "needy" when it comes to being in a relationship are the ones who often find the most success. Being happy and carefree = very attractive.

 

From experience... I agree with you, Cali.

 

lol, was this posted about you, CaliGuy? haha, be a little nicer next time.

 

Haha, naw though I have been accused of being mean before in this situation. And it's always because I wasn't interested in them. I've had women come up to me and literally get in my grill. That's very annoying. If I am not interested in you other than friendship, I really don't want you in my face

 

I agree, but many attractive people are mean, and you know it too. I have met some of the coldest women and men in the world who had it all physically and got the job only because the "bosses" wanted them around to look at or because they though if they look good you know they can be trusted. But these people were extremely repulsive and disgusting. Not all attractive people were like that but many are. Its pretty sad.

But I do have many interesting conversations with attractive women, but I don't want to ruin what fun we have because I ask them out.

But you should have seen the line I dropped on one, I was shocked but impressed.

 

I've met many attractive people who are not mean. It's all in how they perceive you to be treating them. If you're cool and not "bothering" them (ie: getting giddy on them, asking them a ton of personal questions, etc) then there is usually not a problem.

 

There are attractive jerks and there are unattractive jerks. I think it has less to do with looks and more to do with their own self-esteem and confidence issues.

[Rebellious]

B u l l s h i t, I'm as hot as they get and I'm very kind and generous though somewhat impatient:bunny:

[shadowplay]

In my somewhat limited experience, I've found that women who are really hot have this inflated sense of entitlement. I mentioned this in another thread but I can't find it at the moment. Anyway, I have a very hot neighbor who's always getting stuff handed to her - discounts from her mechanic, people paying for stuff for her, more invitations on dates than she knows what to do with. And she's got this enormous "it's all about ME, ALL THE TIME!!" thing going on.

 

I think it borders on narcissism (though that's a clinical diagnosis and I don't have the background to make that determination).

 

It's not just her. I've seen this dynamic play out over and over and over again with those who won the genetic lottery and are considered "hot," both male and female.

 

And you know what? THEY'RE RIGHT! Being "hot" brings with it all sorts of benefits that they don't have to work for, people just treat them differently - better - because of how they look. The world really does revolve around them. So when someone who's not particularly "hot" asks them out, they'll often get treated with disdain because the not-so-hot one is seen as somehow lower in the social strata.

 

wrong. unless you're talking about world leaders, the world doesn't revolve around anybody. anybody who feels that because they're hot the world revolves around them is a deluded narcissist. sure, they'll have a few sycophants of no value, but who wants those? narcissism is never justified, and if it is ever is, it's because somebody has worked really hard to achieve something great. a superficial trait you're born with that millions of other people possess and will disappear with time isn't something to build your self worth around.

[Thaddeus]

wrong. unless you're talking about world leaders, the world doesn't revolve around anybody. anybody who feels that because they're hot the world revolves around them is a deluded narcissist.

I guess I didn't make the point clear enough - that's my fault.

 

My point was that those who are hot are under this delusion that the world revolves around them simply because many of them have an easier time of it, from (like in my real-world examples) discounts on car repairs and all the rest.

[shadowplay]

I saw a thread today on another site where the user posted a question:

 

Why are all hot people (guys) mean?!

 

Ok a couple things I noticed. She wasn't very attractive and no, I am not judging here, it's important to point out because whenever I have heard that statement made, it's always in the context of the following.

 

1. Unattractive person is interested in very attractive person.

2. Very attractive person is kind, but shows no interest.

3. Unattractive person assumes kindness = interest and keeps pursuing.

4. Very attractive person gets frustrated after numerous kind/gentle messages of no interest go un-heeded.

5. Very attractive person has to get mean to get the message across.

6. Unattractive person post on a message forum that *ALL* attractive people are "mean".

 

In every case where there was someone interested in me whom I did not find attractive (to me) and I tried to turn them down gently, eventually I had to get mean because they interpreted my kindness as interest.

 

Agree/Disagree and/or why?

 

apparently you identify as "very attractive." In my experience, the most attractive people are usually more modest in their self descriptions because they're not trying to compensate.

[Rebellious]

wrong. unless you're talking about world leaders, the world doesn't revolve around anybody. anybody who feels that because they're hot the world revolves around them is a deluded narcissist. sure, they'll have a few sycophants of no value, but who wants those? narcissism is never justified, and if it is ever is, it's because somebody has worked really hard to achieve something great. a superficial trait you're born with that millions of other people possess and will disappear with time isn't something to build your self worth around.

 

 

It’s not a superficial trait, it’s nature’s prime force of procreation, based on a million years of evolution, and that is true for other species as well.

[caramel c]

Mean people come in all levels of hotness!

[RedDevil66]

Not to toot my own horn, but I am very attractive and am not mean at all. I don't get hit on often, but when I do and the guy is not my taste, I am very nice to him but won't lead him on.

Many people who are good looking, do have huge ego's, but they really just have not found their spirit yet!

[Trialbyfire]

Cali, there's just no way to discuss this in any kind of adult fashion, without all the resentments towards attractive people coming out.

 

Those who have, whatever they have that others want, will always be portrayed as the "bad guy".

[loveslife]

Sometimes being attractive means that everyone seems to want a piece of you. And sometimes you just want to be left alone, feeling there is not enough of you to go around. Or sometimes it feels like if you had sex with every guy who asks there'd be nothing left of you.

 

On the other side, if you are feeling resentful of someone because, hey, they're hot and you're not, then it's likely they can pick up on that.

 

Sometimes though they do have a sense of entitlement or their pick of lots of people. But they're not always mean, sometimes they're just being self-protective.

 

Personally, I find very unattractive people a lot more mean than the very attractive ones. But that's not PC to say, is it. People who have something going for them make easier targets.

[AlektraClementine]

At a minimum, what criteria should there be to attain "hot" status?

[BeSteady]

I don't think I am mean at all!

[espec10001]

Umm I'm always hot. Literally. I think my body gets over heated or something, cause I'm always sweaty. I've talked to other "hot" people and they sweat a lot too, and people, no matter how "hot" you are, get offended by sweat. Thus "hot" people often have attitudes because when they get close to someone and they touch some sweat they get all uppity so it kinda makes them be *******s and distant to people sometimes.

[Trialbyfire]

Umm I'm always hot. Literally. I think my body gets over heated or something, cause I'm always sweaty. I've talked to other "hot" people and they sweat a lot too, and people, no matter how "hot" you are, get offended by sweat. Thus "hot" people often have attitudes because when they get close to someone and they touch some sweat they get all uppity so it kinda makes them be *******s and distant to people sometimes.

Consider getting your thyroids checked. They might be hyper-active, whereby treatment is painless and easy!

[kizik]

Because lots of people are spineless idiots who allow themselves to trampled on by those they deem "hotter" or "better" than them.

 

A general statement: if you are being treated badly, it's your own fault. There is no excuse for abuse/neglect/rudeness, but if you don't ditch bad people, I don't feel sorry for you at all. Self-respect is a must.

[espec10001]

Consider getting your thyroids checked. They might be hyper-active, whereby treatment is painless and easy!

 

I did a while ago, it wasn't that. Like I said, I've talked to what many would consider "hot" people, and a lot of them have this sweating problem. It can either turn them into the biggest *******s on the planet or very considerate and kind. I think they call it "the hots" for someone?

[kizik]

Those of you who constantly talk about how attractive you are: I find this trait unattractive.

 

Attractiveness is subjective.

 

End thread...

[letinmotion]

The reason is this. A man has a mimimum threshold in terms of attractiveness. A woman doesn't have to be amazingly looking. If she's above the guy's looks requirement, he's going to look at her personality after that. Being amazingly good looking has only a small advantage over a relatively attractive female.

 

That's why so many rich men marry women that are not super hot.

 

It's much better to have a dependable BMW than a Ferrari that breaks down every 30 miles.

 

As for the very attractive men, probably using the attractive women for sex, since they are not interested in their personalities.

 

You have this so backwards its not even funny. Most rich men are naturally ALPHA. Thus, our big time executives are even more prone to look for a mate based on looks alone. Men's circuitry naturally assesses a woman's value by her looks NOT by her personality. The stakes are even higher for your ALPHA-MALE type dudes with money.

[Trialbyfire]

I did a while ago, it wasn't that. Like I said, I've talked to what many would consider "hot" people, and a lot of them have this sweating problem. It can either turn them into the biggest *******s on the planet or very considerate and kind. I think they call it "the hots" for someone?

Too bad there isn't an easy, physical solution to reducing sweat glands...

 

There's two ways to look at this entire "hot or not" aspect of people. It starts with the fact that no one enjoys being rejected. Most decent people also don't enjoy rejecting people. When people are attractive, particularly women due to men generally-speaking, being the pursuers, they have to do a lot of rejecting and some won't take no for an answer or that some get really upset when they're rejected, even if a person is being kind and civil about the rejection. It's a damned if you do (as in being kind) and a damned if you don't, situation.

[Sam Spade]

Speaking of which....I hope this isn't off-topic...

 

An acquaintance of mine (we have a lot of mutual friends; see each other maybe a couple times a month) recently asked me to set him up with one of my friends. The male acquaintance is a nice guy as far as I can tell, but he's definitely not physically attractive by many people's standards (although he is losing weight, so thumbs up to him for the good health choice).

 

My friend is ridiculously hot by many people's standards (like generally everyone I know - sometimes being around her is bad for my self-esteem ). In fact, my bf and my sister are the only people I've ever met who don't think she's all that (although they agree she's very good looking - just not as attractive/hot as people make her out to be). She's really smart, funny, kind, etc. Her biggest flaw is probably that she plays a ton of games dating, which is why (IMO) she hasn't had a bf in 4 years, despite claiming to want one.

 

Anyways, her dating life totally sucks and is non-existent right now, so I mentioned to her that this guy thinks she's "smokin hot" and wants to meet her. She asked to see his fb profile, and she was INSULTED that this guy would think he ever had a chance with her!

 

Well, yeah. The reason why so many hot women are single is the lack of understanding that guy's desire for a relationship does not linearly correlate with girl's hotness. After some basic - and very attainable - treshold of being conventionally pretty/attractive, the likelyhood of a relationship is determined by the woman's attitude and character. Very hot women like the one described above tend to think that their hotness alone makes them eligible for a relationship (and that they can have their pick too - as in "I'm so hot, I don't have to do a thing"), while this is simply not the case. This is not to say that all hot women are delusional , but that all else equal hotness may leas to responding to the wrong incentives (such as mistaking steady sexual interest due to hotness to inner worth).

[BCCA]

I personally thought the thread about dellusions of grander had a lot of good points in it, but since its about looks, it got flamed really hard.

 

Its really not that difficult of a concept, if someone thinks they are a '8' and you are a '5-6', why should do they want to date you? Sure, you can say personality goes a long way, and it does, but at the end of the day no one wants to date someone who they think is below their threshold of attractiveness.

 

People who are turned down because the other person doesnt find the attractive enough then think people are shallow, when chances are, they would do the exact same thing if the shoe was on the other foot. I realize no one likes being rejected, but very few people have a hard time doing the rejecting. Its a catch 22.

 

For example, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. She is nice enough, but I work out everyday and try and take care of myself, and she is at least 80 pounds heavier than me, which I just dont find attractive. Now, you can say Im vein, or whatever else, but I do not find her attractive, and that doesnt make me a bad person. (btw, said I wasnt interested in a very nice way and she told a mutual friend I was a douche, and I just wanted a skinny princess... nice)

 

There's two ways to look at this entire "hot or not" aspect of people. It starts with the fact that no one enjoys being rejected. Most decent people also don't enjoy rejecting people. When people are attractive, particularly women due to men generally-speaking, being the pursuers, they have to do a lot of rejecting and some won't take no for an answer or that some get really upset when they're rejected, even if a person is being kind and civil about the rejection. It's a damned if you do (as in being kind) and a damned if you don't, situation.

 

Well put.

[loveslife]

For example, I ran into a girl I used to go to school with. She is nice enough, but I work out everyday and try and take care of myself, and she is at least 80 pounds heavier than me, which I just dont find attractive. Now, you can say Im vein, or whatever else, but I do not find her attractive, and that doesnt make me a bad person. (btw, said I wasnt interested in a very nice way and she told a mutual friend I was a douche, and I just wanted a skinny princess... nice)

 

 

Yeah.

 

People hit on people they find attractive (for the most part.)

 

People get rejected sometimes by people they hit on.

 

Some people can't handle the rejection and villify the person who rejected them.

 

So, who are the villians? The horrible people? Those that people find attractive.

[Isolde]

People who can't take rejection well, carry each rejection with them like so much baggage. The sum weight of all these experiences then becomes a distractor from actually finding someone compatible. Of course it is human to become weary of repeated rejections, but very few of us will never be accepted by someone we like, and in any case, it's far more rational to rid oneself of each "piece" of baggage before it accumulates.

 

Of course, strong unrequited interest can be difficult to deal with, and I've experienced it myself. But ultimately, I always found it easy to get over my crushes, once I knew for certain the guy wasn't interested.

 

This is why I ALWAYS advise to be upfront in rejecting someone, rather than "soft." Some people will throw a fit but then they would do it no matter how you rejected them; while rational people will appreciate your directness.

[sally4sara]

I think the only time I've been mean to anyone was when they were being inappropriate or not taking my nice rejection seriously.

 

I do think sometimes we don't see our actions so well as others do and sometimes we're all more harsh then we think we are being. Then other times the person who sees our actions is much more sensitive about being rejected.

[New Again]

Well, yeah. The reason why so many hot women are single is the lack of understanding that guy's desire for a relationship does not linearly correlate with girl's hotness. After some basic - and very attainable - treshold of being conventionally pretty/attractive, the likelyhood of a relationship is determined by the woman's attitude and character. Very hot women like the one described above tend to think that their hotness alone makes them eligible for a relationship (and that they can have their pick too - as in "I'm so hot, I don't have to do a thing"), while this is simply not the case. This is not to say that all hot women are delusional , but that all else equal hotness may leas to responding to the wrong incentives (such as mistaking steady sexual interest due to hotness to inner worth).

Insightful post...that about sums it up