Why are hot people mean (reposted from another site)

[CaliGuy]

I saw a thread today on another site where the user posted a question:

 

Why are all hot people (guys) mean?!

 

Ok a couple things I noticed. She wasn't very attractive and no, I am not judging here, it's important to point out because whenever I have heard that statement made, it's always in the context of the following.

 

1. Unattractive person is interested in very attractive person.

2. Very attractive person is kind, but shows no interest.

3. Unattractive person assumes kindness = interest and keeps pursuing.

4. Very attractive person gets frustrated after numerous kind/gentle messages of no interest go un-heeded.

5. Very attractive person has to get mean to get the message across.

6. Unattractive person post on a message forum that *ALL* attractive people are "mean".

 

In every case where there was someone interested in me whom I did not find attractive (to me) and I tried to turn them down gently, eventually I had to get mean because they interpreted my kindness as interest.

 

Agree/Disagree and/or why?

[alphamale]

Why are all hot people (guys) mean?!

because they can get away with it and people will still like them

[silic0ntoad]

because they can get away with it and people will still like them

 

 

Short, sweet and to the point. But I agree with it whole heartedly.

[Hkizzle]

Well I tried to address this in my delusions of grandeur thread and lots of people flamed me (as expected). Attractive people (not just physically, but all rounded) have a choice, so why should they trade down?

 

People don't seem to want to accept that in order to attract attractive individuals, they have to make themselves more attractive.

 

They find all sorts of excuses, and some people will just accuse the attractive person of being mean.

 

Any excuse not to get off their lazy butts and elevate themselves.

[Isolde]

On this board and elsewhere, very attractive women often complain they haven't been treated well by very attractive men, (and sometimes vice versa) so I'll have to qualify your statement.

 

Personally, I haven't seen a big correlation between a guy's attractiveness and his behavior towards me but then again, I leave guys alone the moment they hint they are not interested, whatever the reason.

[CaliGuy]

On this board and elsewhere, very attractive women often complain they haven't been treated well by very attractive men, (and sometimes vice versa) so I'll have to qualify your statement.

 

Personally, I haven't seen a big correlation between a guy's attractiveness and his behavior towards me but then again, I leave guys alone the moment they hint they are not interested, whatever the reason.

 

If I show interest in a very attractive woman and she doesn't reciprocate, then I leave her be. I don't take it personal (she could be dating, just out of a bad relationship, whatever).

 

I think very attractive people are used to being hit on a lot as well and thus, can be immune to it.

 

I'm not sure that they feel they can be mean and people will still like them. I have never, ever met an attractive person who was mean that remained attractive to me.

 

Mean people suck and are NOT attractive to me.

[Isolde]

 

Mean people suck and are NOT attractive to me.

 

Aye, aye, Caliguy.

 

It's so sad that people are sometimes so insecure that they would rather be treated badly than alone, to try their luck at someone better. People's need for companionship can be so strong that it overrides reason.

[Leia]

I saw a thread today on another site where the user posted a question:

 

Why are all hot people (guys) mean?!

 

Ok a couple things I noticed. She wasn't very attractive and no, I am not judging here, it's important to point out because whenever I have heard that statement made, it's always in the context of the following.

 

1. Unattractive person is interested in very attractive person.

2. Very attractive person is kind, but shows no interest.

3. Unattractive person assumes kindness = interest and keeps pursuing.

4. Very attractive person gets frustrated after numerous kind/gentle messages of no interest go un-heeded.

5. Very attractive person has to get mean to get the message across.

6. Unattractive person post on a message forum that *ALL* attractive people are "mean".

 

In every case where there was someone interested in me whom I did not find attractive (to me) and I tried to turn them down gently, eventually I had to get mean because they interpreted my kindness as interest.

 

Agree/Disagree and/or why?

 

From experience... I agree with you, Cali.

[Jaytb]

lol, was this posted about you, CaliGuy? haha, be a little nicer next time.

[Hkizzle]

On this board and elsewhere, very attractive women often complain they haven't been treated well by very attractive men, (and sometimes vice versa) so I'll have to qualify your statement.

 

The reason is this. A man has a mimimum threshold in terms of attractiveness. A woman doesn't have to be amazingly looking. If she's above the guy's looks requirement, he's going to look at her personality after that. Being amazingly good looking has only a small advantage over a relatively attractive female.

 

That's why so many rich men marry women that are not super hot.

 

It's much better to have a dependable BMW than a Ferrari that breaks down every 30 miles.

 

As for the very attractive men, probably using the attractive women for sex, since they are not interested in their personalities.

[New Again]

Speaking of which....I hope this isn't off-topic...

 

An acquaintance of mine (we have a lot of mutual friends; see each other maybe a couple times a month) recently asked me to set him up with one of my friends. The male acquaintance is a nice guy as far as I can tell, but he's definitely not physically attractive by many people's standards (although he is losing weight, so thumbs up to him for the good health choice).

 

My friend is ridiculously hot by many people's standards (like generally everyone I know - sometimes being around her is bad for my self-esteem ). In fact, my bf and my sister are the only people I've ever met who don't think she's all that (although they agree she's very good looking - just not as attractive/hot as people make her out to be). She's really smart, funny, kind, etc. Her biggest flaw is probably that she plays a ton of games dating, which is why (IMO) she hasn't had a bf in 4 years, despite claiming to want one.

 

Anyways, her dating life totally sucks and is non-existent right now, so I mentioned to her that this guy thinks she's "smokin hot" and wants to meet her. She asked to see his fb profile, and she was INSULTED that this guy would think he ever had a chance with her!

[silic0ntoad]

Speaking of which....I hope this isn't off-topic...

 

An acquaintance of mine (we have a lot of mutual friends; see each other maybe a couple times a month) recently asked me to set him up with one of my friends. The male acquaintance is a nice guy as far as I can tell, but he's definitely not physically attractive by many people's standards (although he is losing weight, so thumbs up to him for the good health choice).

 

My friend is ridiculously hot by many people's standards (like generally everyone I know - sometimes being around her is bad for my self-esteem ). In fact, my bf and my sister are the only people I've ever met who don't think she's all that (although they agree she's very good looking - just not as attractive/hot as people make her out to be). She's really smart, funny, kind, etc. Her biggest flaw is probably that she plays a ton of games dating, which is why (IMO) she hasn't had a bf in 4 years, despite claiming to want one.

 

Anyways, her dating life totally sucks and is non-existent right now, so I mentioned to her that this guy thinks she's "smokin hot" and wants to meet her. She asked to see his fb profile, and she was INSULTED that this guy would think he ever had a chance with her!

 

Well then, she is aloof and full of herself. Not relationship material until she realises that beauty is only skin deep. And ugliness runs alot further through the soul than appearance.

[C-i-C-u]

Mean people suck and are NOT attractive to me.

I agree, but many attractive people are mean, and you know it too. I have met some of the coldest women and men in the world who had it all physically and got the job only because the "bosses" wanted them around to look at or because they though if they look good you know they can be trusted. But these people were extremely repulsive and disgusting. Not all attractive people were like that but many are. Its pretty sad.

But I do have many interesting conversations with attractive women, but I don't want to ruin what fun we have because I ask them out.

But you should have seen the line I dropped on one, I was shocked but impressed.

[New Again]

Well then, she is aloof and full of herself. Not relationship material until she realises that beauty is only skin deep. And ugliness runs alot further through the soul than appearance.

 

Yeah...she's free to date whomever she likes, and she certainly isn't required to meet this guy just for my sake, but I was pretty disappointed at her reaction. She's pretty friendly and social for the most part, so I actually did expect her to at least be interested in meeting him next time we're meeting up at a bar with a bunch of other people.

[C-i-C-u]

Yeah...she's free to date whomever she likes, and she certainly isn't required to meet this guy just for my sake, but I was pretty disappointed at her reaction. She's pretty friendly and social for the most part, so I actually did expect her to at least be interested in meeting him next time we're meeting up at a bar with a bunch of other people.

Not surprising though.

[New Again]

Not surprising though.

 

Why not? I (maybe wrongly) consider myself to be on a par with my friend, as far as looks are concerned. Although she's "hot" and I would say I'm "pretty" maybe that's the difference...and I don't have that attitude she displayed.

[C-i-C-u]

Why not? I (maybe wrongly) consider myself to be on a par with my friend, as far as looks are concerned. Although she's "hot" and I would say I'm "pretty" maybe that's the difference...and I don't have that attitude she displayed.

Ok, but SHE doesn't know him as you do. And when she gets the first glance, of course she won't want anything to do with him when he isn't that "attractive". And also, her attitude is rotten, but because she is a women-an attractive one even!-she can get away with having a bad attitude so long as she delivers sexually.

[New Again]

Ok, but SHE doesn't know him as you do. And when she gets the first glance, of course she won't want anything to do with him when he isn't that "attractive". And also, her attitude is rotten, but because she is a women-an attractive one even!-she can get away with having a bad attitude so long as she delivers sexually.

 

True...but I'm still surprised and disappointed...I guess I just have a more open minded approach to dating than she (and attractive women?) do.

[C-i-C-u]

True...but I'm still surprised and disappointed...I guess I just have a more open minded approach to dating than she (and attractive women?) do.

That's right. You are a better person than your friend and most likely a better person than most attractive women.

From personal experience, my worse relationships have been with attractive women. And it doesn't help being ugly too, I prefer a middle-ground. But that may sound wierd to you(not likely?).

[New Again]

That's right. You are a better person than your friend and most likely a better person than most attractive women.

From personal experience, my worse relationships have been with attractive women. And it doesn't help being ugly too, I prefer a middle-ground. But that may sound wierd to you(not likely?).

 

I wouldn't say that! I just have a different attitude/approach I guess.

 

Why are your worst relationships with attractive women? Do you agree with the OP that it's because they're mean, have bad attitudes, need a lot of attention and validation outside of the relationship because of their looks....?

[C-i-C-u]

I wouldn't say that! I just have a different attitude/approach I guess.

 

Why are your worst relationships with attractive women? Do you agree with the OP that it's because they're mean, have bad attitudes, need a lot of attention and validation outside of the relationship because of their looks....?

I would say that. I can tell from your posts you are more accepting of people.

 

I agree with the OP, but you know you can't really tell without having experienced it firsthand. One gf she was a 10 physically, and on all our dates she wanted to talk about her mom and how unfair she was to her and how she favored the little sister because she was "ugly"(and she really wasn't either, they looked practically the same!).

Another 10, she wouldn't stop checking out other people on our dates, and she was way too horny for me. Our first date we had sex in her parent's home. And I stayed for the weekend because she wanted me there. But I need time alone, and she disliked that. That's when she started to stare at other men and women.

Another 10, she was sexually abused by her dad and on top of that she was raped by some guy she thought was her friend. She didn't trust anyone, and you could tell that by the way she acted and she was paranoid(not in the medical sense, but social sense). She told me she had visions of me sleeping with other women because I "could". And I couldn't. I haven't had that many relationships:(

The attractive women always needed to talk always needed all the attention on her. If she felt like you were ignoring her or something she would stray. I had one even tell me she was doing me a "favor" by going out with me and having sex with me. She really wasnt she was terrible whenever we had sex, and I honestly believe she was trying.

[WTRanger]

I saw a thread today on another site where the user posted a question:

 

Why are all hot people (guys) mean?!

 

Ok a couple things I noticed. She wasn't very attractive and no, I am not judging here, it's important to point out because whenever I have heard that statement made, it's always in the context of the following.

 

1. Unattractive person is interested in very attractive person.

2. Very attractive person is kind, but shows no interest.

3. Unattractive person assumes kindness = interest and keeps pursuing.

4. Very attractive person gets frustrated after numerous kind/gentle messages of no interest go un-heeded.

5. Very attractive person has to get mean to get the message across.

6. Unattractive person post on a message forum that *ALL* attractive people are "mean".

 

In every case where there was someone interested in me whom I did not find attractive (to me) and I tried to turn them down gently, eventually I had to get mean because they interpreted my kindness as interest.

 

Agree/Disagree and/or why?

 

The bold part in the quote can stop steps 3-6 from happening if the attractive person doesn't play the passive aggressive game. You can call it stringing someone along, but they just are trying to be "nice" and hope that the other person "gets it." That's BS, if you are up front at step 2, you won't get to the mean step 6.

 

If you aren't attracted to someone and they are to you, just tell them. Don't duck them in hopes that they "get it" because in that situation the person who has the attraction will hold onto hope with a death grip. And you end up with a messy situation. Some pain now, saves death later.

[fawn]

Because they have choices? Not so hot looking people kind of have to take what that can in a way.

[Thaddeus]

In my somewhat limited experience, I've found that women who are really hot have this inflated sense of entitlement. I mentioned this in another thread but I can't find it at the moment. Anyway, I have a very hot neighbor who's always getting stuff handed to her - discounts from her mechanic, people paying for stuff for her, more invitations on dates than she knows what to do with. And she's got this enormous "it's all about ME, ALL THE TIME!!" thing going on.

 

I think it borders on narcissism (though that's a clinical diagnosis and I don't have the background to make that determination).

 

It's not just her. I've seen this dynamic play out over and over and over again with those who won the genetic lottery and are considered "hot," both male and female.

 

And you know what? THEY'RE RIGHT! Being "hot" brings with it all sorts of benefits that they don't have to work for, people just treat them differently - better - because of how they look. The world really does revolve around them. So when someone who's not particularly "hot" asks them out, they'll often get treated with disdain because the not-so-hot one is seen as somehow lower in the social strata.

[Phateless]

I saw a thread today on another site where the user posted a question:

 

Why are all hot people (guys) mean?!

 

Ok a couple things I noticed. She wasn't very attractive and no, I am not judging here, it's important to point out because whenever I have heard that statement made, it's always in the context of the following.

 

1. Unattractive person is interested in very attractive person.

2. Very attractive person is kind, but shows no interest.

3. Unattractive person assumes kindness = interest and keeps pursuing.

4. Very attractive person gets frustrated after numerous kind/gentle messages of no interest go un-heeded.

5. Very attractive person has to get mean to get the message across.

6. Unattractive person post on a message forum that *ALL* attractive people are "mean".

 

In every case where there was someone interested in me whom I did not find attractive (to me) and I tried to turn them down gently, eventually I had to get mean because they interpreted my kindness as interest.

 

Agree/Disagree and/or why?

 

Back when I was the person getting rejected all the time I used to get butt hurt about the same thing. After the longest relationship of my life ended I did a lot of introspection and growing.

 

I realized that I had always done it to myself.

 

Now that I have been on the other side of this, I still firmly believe that people do this to themselves, and once I have made it clear I am not interested, I have no pity for what they put themselves through.

 

I grew up and got over it. So should everyone else.