Omega3 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Back in June my girlfriend and I broke up. I did all the normal stuff to get her back... obviously it didn't work. The begging and pleading. I wrote her a letter and she came back to my house... I thought I had won her back. Then she disappeared. I kept in contact (though rather limited) up until late July. Then I went complete no contact. At the time it was only to get over her, not to win her back. Her story: She left me because I wasn't exactly treating her well. She gave me a ton of warnings, but I didn't act on them. She waited until someone else showed her enough attention, and she jumped hoping the grass would be greener. Well, the guy ignored her for a month straight. At about the time I went NC, he finally showed interest in her. Fast forward to late August. Apparently he quit showing interest again, and randomly she tells a mutal friend that she misses me. Next thing you know I receive a call from her asking if she can see me. She comes over and tells me similar stuff. At this point, I'm thinking we may try to work things out. I ask her out to dinner, but she declines. A week goes by and she decides to go to dinner. At this point, I'm pissed again, and figure she's jumping back and forth... only I find out from the same mutual friend that he's still not showing interest in her. None the less, I've already asked her to dinner, so I go. Haven't heard from her in the last few days. Most people believe that she's keeping me on backup until she's certain it's not going to work with him. However, it's now at 3 months, and the guy still hasn't committed to dating her. So we're assuming she's being strung along much like she's stringing me along. So in the meantime, I found another girl to talk to. That's my story... I hate relationships....
ecm Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Hi Omega 3. Are you wondering what to do? She doesn't sound like she's being very nice to you. I would not ask her out to dinner or even give her the opportunity to hurt your feelings. It's hard. I also wouldn't let her come over if she just disappears again.
Author Omega3 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Hi Omega 3. Are you wondering what to do? She doesn't sound like she's being very nice to you. I would not ask her out to dinner or even give her the opportunity to hurt your feelings. It's hard. I also wouldn't let her come over if she just disappears again. Just telling my story for those who may have the same thing happen. My current plan is to do my own thing. I still miss her, even though I'm in second place right now. However, I won't be attending dinner or even seeing her in the near future until I'm certain she's moved on. She continues to chase a guy who promised her the world, but won't date her after 3 months. He always has a new excuse... he's busy with work, school, not over his ex, or just doesn't really want a girlfriend right now. She buys it all. So I assume her plan is to keep me around until she's certain he's out of the picture. So I'm looking for other females right now. Should she show back up, I'll cross that bridge when I get there, but for now, I'd rather just move on.
ecm Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 It sounds like you have the right idea. You should never allow yourself to be anyone's back up plan. (Now if I could jsut take my OWN advice...)
Author Omega3 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 It sounds like you have the right idea. You should never allow yourself to be anyone's back up plan. (Now if I could jsut take my OWN advice...) Sadly, I'm still the backup. Atleast until I find someone who can make me not want to be the backup. I think she's a backup for her new guy though, so atleast that makes me feel a little better.
logitech Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Damn ey. My ex broke up with me but if I became a backup I don't think I would be able to talk to her. She claims that she isn't interested in dating anyone for quite a while. Maybe she just says this so she doesn't feel as guilty for leaving me but I can't help but believe it. I'm still firmly in the denial phase I guess...
Author Omega3 Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Damn ey. My ex broke up with me but if I became a backup I don't think I would be able to talk to her. She claims that she isn't interested in dating anyone for quite a while. Maybe she just says this so she doesn't feel as guilty for leaving me but I can't help but believe it. I'm still firmly in the denial phase I guess... I would certainly say you're in the denial phase. Very rarely do they break up just to be single. Backup doesn't bother me too much. I'm talking to someone right now who I'd consider a backup if my ex and I don't work out. People do it all the time. Oddly enough, my ex sent me a text message out of the blue last night while I was out with the other girl. Strange how that works.
Author Omega3 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Another month has gone by, and... same situation. She's still chasing a guy that isn't showing interest in her. I've restarted no contact. I'm still seeing someone else, and I have another one who's interested in seeing me, yet I still miss my ex. She's still telling people she misses me, but feels it would be wrong to come back to me while she's still interested in another guy... even if he's not into her. I guess she assumes that she'll wear him down eventually, and he'll want to date her, I just can't imagine trying for 4 months. I usually give up after a couple days.
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 Date these other chicks and others until you find someone to replace her. Simple as that. How much do you want to bet that after you have moved on she will realize what she lost and freak out? I agree with you that relationships blow ass. I kinda acted like your ex though...wasn't ready to commit to her and sorta made her my backup (not with another girl but just was always wondering if there was better out there). Then my ex found another guy and I fell head over heels for her all over again. Now I'm the one on these forums trying to get better while she's happy. You don't realize what you have until it's gone sometimes. Your ex is stupid. So was I.
Author Omega3 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 Date these other chicks and others until you find someone to replace her. Simple as that. How much do you want to bet that after you have moved on she will realize what she lost and freak out? I agree with you that relationships blow ass. I kinda acted like your ex though...wasn't ready to commit to her and sorta made her my backup (not with another girl but just was always wondering if there was better out there). Then my ex found another guy and I fell head over heels for her all over again. Now I'm the one on these forums trying to get better while she's happy. You don't realize what you have until it's gone sometimes. Your ex is stupid. So was I. She knows I'm talking to someone else, and she doesn't like it. She's told a mutal friend it makes her very upset, and very jealous. Apparently not enough to want to come back though, so oh well. I agree, she is stupid.
quarterlifecrisis Posted October 19, 2009 Posted October 19, 2009 No, but you are still waiting around for her. Take these dates more seriously and move on. Stop waiting for her, then she will come around. It's retarded. Ok, again using myself as an example (though guys and girls are not the same). We dated for over a year and had a mutual break up because I wasn't ready (mostly me breaking up with her though). We both went on some dates, but I was NOT jealous (ok, I had like 2 days of being pissed) because I knew she still wanted me more than this random guy she was seeing. I also had other options, so I thought it was all fun and fair. I dated another girl for like a month. During this time, she didn't know specifics but she kept pining for my attention and she lost the other guy awfully quick. Then we were on and off again for like a year. There were times where she suggested that we should break up and I was cool and casual about it. I thought it would be for the best and even encouraged her to meet other guys. The moment she moved on FOR REAL though, it hit me like a wall of bricks. It's easy to take someone for granted. I fully admit it was my mistake and I was a complete douche to her for not committing when she was giving it 100%. I asked for her back and she said absolutely not. She cared about me ridiculously but she had learned to move on because I was never ready. For the past 2 months I have pretty much been the most depressed I have ever been in my life. I only realized how much I loved her when her feelings faded. Yes, I'm an idiot and a douche, but learn from what happened to me. No guarantees, but your ex will go crazy when you truly no longer need her. By not needing her and being able to stand on your own two feet while being validated by another woman, you instantly become more attractive to her. It's biology...In a way it defeats the purpose of it all because you have a > 50% chance of not wanting her back when she finally crawls back. Ironic huh? On a side note, after not talking to my ex for over a month, she starts asking around about me and randomly messaged me the other day. She's clearly missing me now even though she's in a relationship with another guy. Not enough to do anything about it, but this is more evidence that the less you need someone, the more attractive they find you. It's totally perverse...I would not be surprised if 6 months from now, she may find me more attractive than she does now IF I am happy and in a relationship with someone else. Moral of the story. You can WANT people but never ever NEED them. That will push them away.
Author Omega3 Posted October 19, 2009 Author Posted October 19, 2009 I have no problems moving on, just need to find another good one. These last few dates haven't panned out what I want in the long run. In time though, I'll find another. Not concerned about that as I once was. It does appear you're correct though, this guy doesn't seem to want her, but she's determine to try. He continues to pull away, and she continues to wait thinking he'll change his mind. He usually gives her the standard, "I'm not ready for a relationship", so I believe that's why she's waiting around. As for me, I'd love to find someone that made me forget about her. Just hasn't happened.... yet. No, but you are still waiting around for her. Take these dates more seriously and move on. Stop waiting for her, then she will come around. It's retarded. Ok, again using myself as an example (though guys and girls are not the same). We dated for over a year and had a mutual break up because I wasn't ready (mostly me breaking up with her though). We both went on some dates, but I was NOT jealous (ok, I had like 2 days of being pissed) because I knew she still wanted me more than this random guy she was seeing. I also had other options, so I thought it was all fun and fair. I dated another girl for like a month. During this time, she didn't know specifics but she kept pining for my attention and she lost the other guy awfully quick. Then we were on and off again for like a year. There were times where she suggested that we should break up and I was cool and casual about it. I thought it would be for the best and even encouraged her to meet other guys. The moment she moved on FOR REAL though, it hit me like a wall of bricks. It's easy to take someone for granted. I fully admit it was my mistake and I was a complete douche to her for not committing when she was giving it 100%. I asked for her back and she said absolutely not. She cared about me ridiculously but she had learned to move on because I was never ready. For the past 2 months I have pretty much been the most depressed I have ever been in my life. I only realized how much I loved her when her feelings faded. Yes, I'm an idiot and a douche, but learn from what happened to me. No guarantees, but your ex will go crazy when you truly no longer need her. By not needing her and being able to stand on your own two feet while being validated by another woman, you instantly become more attractive to her. It's biology...In a way it defeats the purpose of it all because you have a > 50% chance of not wanting her back when she finally crawls back. Ironic huh? On a side note, after not talking to my ex for over a month, she starts asking around about me and randomly messaged me the other day. She's clearly missing me now even though she's in a relationship with another guy. Not enough to do anything about it, but this is more evidence that the less you need someone, the more attractive they find you. It's totally perverse...I would not be surprised if 6 months from now, she may find me more attractive than she does now IF I am happy and in a relationship with someone else. Moral of the story. You can WANT people but never ever NEED them. That will push them away.
Author Omega3 Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 An update: Since no one ever gets to hear updates on this site, figured I'd take the time to do so. In late October my ex begin telling a mutual friend how badly she had made a mistake by breaking up with me. I wanted nothing to do with her though. About a week later, our mutual friend convinced me to give her another try, and I did, but kept up a barrier the entire time. We dated for about 3-4 weeks, with her spending the night most everynight. Things weren't the same, but I was determined to try and make it work. I figured things were once great, so certainly they're capable of being that way again. Ends up, we both didn't feel the same towards one another. She decided to break it off. I haven't spoken with her in four weeks and last I heard, she went back to chasing the previous guy again. So... a second chance occurred, but it was probably too early to try again.
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