livingnightmare Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Ok my situation is this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t202024/ I am now able to contact my daughter by phone, But because of the trauma and major depression I am going through I feel I really need to recover b4 making contact with my daughter as i am unable to function properly as a father at the moment and sadly cant disconnect the 2 of them from each other I feel terrible guilt over this but really feel it is better to get my self well in order 2 be a good father 2 her If i contact my ex to c my daughter i will be knocking myself way back and will be no good to my lil girl i miss her and want 2 c her badly but because i have been put through intentional pain i have uncontrollable desires to hurt my ex, im afraid she will say something which will trigger me of, i am very very unstable at the moment and for everyones sake i feel i need to stay a way for a while, Im not just saying these desires are just desires i really cant control my impulses at the moment I am mentally ill to some degree from the abuse i have been put through I know my lil girl needs me but am afraid I might do somthing stupid that will not help my lil girl one bit?? Please dont judge me I am seriously messed up in my head at the moment and only want things to work out for everyone in the future not just my self, really need advice on this matter just want to see my lil girl but dont want to create any problems for any one ! Am i doing the wrong thing? Just want to be a good dad and not do anything stupid.
BeSteady Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Ok my situation is this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t202024/ I am now able to contact my daughter by phone, But because of the trauma and major depression I am going through I feel I really need to recover b4 making contact with my daughter as i am unable to function properly as a father at the moment and sadly cant disconnect the 2 of them from each other I feel terrible guilt over this but really feel it is better to get my self well in order 2 be a good father 2 her If i contact my ex to c my daughter i will be knocking myself way back and will be no good to my lil girl i miss her and want 2 c her badly but because i have been put through intentional pain i have uncontrollable desires to hurt my ex, im afraid she will say something which will trigger me of, i am very very unstable at the moment and for everyones sake i feel i need to stay a way for a while, Im not just saying these desires are just desires i really cant control my impulses at the moment I am mentally ill to some degree from the abuse i have been put through I know my lil girl needs me but am afraid I might do somthing stupid that will not help my lil girl one bit?? Please dont judge me I am seriously messed up in my head at the moment and only want things to work out for everyone in the future not just my self, really need advice on this matter just want to see my lil girl but dont want to create any problems for any one ! Am i doing the wrong thing? Just want to be a good dad and not do anything stupid. It is understandable your concern. If you need a little time that is fine but push yourself. Make sure you keep in contact with her letters, calls, text msgs. You don't want your child to start blaming herself and feeling like your rejecting her. When you can, this is where you can use your family to help you. Have them pick her up and make sure to schedule activities, like a movie, pottery, yoga, concert something that will keep both of you busy doing something. Have someone else around like a trusted family member during the visits. They can be there to let you take a break or just keep things form gettign dark. Make sure you talk to your councilor about this.
smookie Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I know that in Canada that we can have our visits at a rec centre with a worker with us, How it works is your ex would drop off your daughter at the centre and a social worker who is very well trained is with you in another room. After your ex leaves the building you go and visit your daughter with the worker. This is a good thing for a few reasons, 1) Your resentment and anger towards your ex, (fully understandable) 2) You get to visit your daughter (will more then likly help you alot in your deppression) 3) If anything is said or done between the both of you (you and ex) the worker is there to witness this for you 4) You and your daughter will have a safe visit and you can start to reconnect with the baby 5) If there ever is court then you will have this worker as well as all her notes to back you up I do nto know where you are from however I would look into something like this. Hope this helps a bit.. best wishes
Author livingnightmare Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 good idea that is i live in the uk there might be a chance my daughter will be living with me soon
mr heartbroken Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Hey, I agree with be steady. Make plans through family or a very trusted friend. You dont need to speak to your ex.
silverfish Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 It is understandable your concern. If you need a little time that is fine but push yourself. Make sure you keep in contact with her letters, calls, text msgs. You don't want your child to start blaming herself and feeling like your rejecting her. When you can, this is where you can use your family to help you. Have them pick her up and make sure to schedule activities, like a movie, pottery, yoga, concert something that will keep both of you busy doing something. Have someone else around like a trusted family member during the visits. They can be there to let you take a break or just keep things form gettign dark. Make sure you talk to your councilor about this. That's really good advice. You need to keep it together around her if possible, even if you fake it - from what I read she's quite little, so not too hard to put on a brave face if possible. Have you got anyone in your family who can deal with the arrangements for you? Were you married to your ex and do you have a parental control order?
Author livingnightmare Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 My mother and sister will help me out, we were not married but i do have 50/50 parental responsibilty by law and i know she needs me more than ever now 4 moral guidance in life!
Recommended Posts