Viking Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 So, this is a long(ish) story. I have a friend who I first got to know when I was dating another girl about two years ago, but I feel like she always wanted to date because she always treated me differently than most girls treat guy-friends. Anyways, fast-forward two years, I am single she isn't per se. She told me that she has grown tired of the relationship that she's in and that her bf isn't all that great anymore for a multitude of reasons. She hasn't seen him but once during the entire summer and when she did, it was on her birthday and she didn't even want to see him then either. He had to move back home due to not finding a job and her working two jobs and living in the same town she goes to college in. Well, a few nights ago, I bumped into her at a bar and we started chatting and I ended up staying til closing time and left when the bar closed. She texted me the next day saying we should hang out again sometime, and we did, either the next day (Thursday) or two days later (Friday) but I can't remember. Anyways, she ended up coming over to my house and I gave her a tour blah blah blah and she left because she had to work the next morning. Come Saturday, I was out with my roommate and some buddies and she texted me telling me that she'd like to meet up with me downtown but she was with an old classmate who had asked her out on a "date", but she wasn't feeling it so she came and met up with us, but brought him along. We had plenty of beer to go around so it wasn't a biggie at all. After that, we went across the street to get some food, so this big group of us goes to this little place and we're chillin and her "date" leaves and she went to check on him. Basically he told her that he felt that he didn't have a chance (which she confirmed to me to be true) and that he figured it out by how she was acting. I went back to the bathroom and and as I was leaving the bathroom, she walked up to me and kinda playfully put her arms around me and we spun around a little almost to the "kissing pose" you might say. We hung around there for a while and then decided to head back home, so I drove all of us back and she crashed at my place, and I gave her my futon to sleep on (which I still haven't gotten it to fold back up yet...). She had to work at 10:30 so I drove her back to her place and went back home, but she texted me to tell me that she had a good time. So, we have seen each other every day for quite a few hours at a time since Saturday. Last night we went for a walk downtown and at the marina in town and on the way back she pretty much vented her problems and frustrations with the relationship that she was leaving and that's what killed a lot of my interest. I was pretty stoked about all of this as I thought I found a really interesting girl who was really into me, but then she went on and on and on and on about her bf. Anyway, we walked back to her place and hugged and went our ways to bed. She texted me today and came in to where I work because "she was in the neighborhood", but I was so tired that I didn't really get too excited. She invited me over to watch her frog eat a mouse (crazy I know!), but then texted me to tell me that if I didn't want to come over, I didn't have to. So I called her after I got out of work and she told me that she broke up with her ex and how she felt terrible and she was crying while she was talking to me. So I invited her to my house for a movie and some BBQ ribs and we hung out, watched the movie and ate dinner. Didn't mention the ex til we were driving back to her house. She then invited me back to watch her frog eat the mouse when I get off work the next day. My question, what does she want from me? Does she want to date me? Am I a walking, talking box of kleenex? A sympathetic shoulder to lean on? I'm interested, but I don't know what to do really or how I should feel about this. This is the first time I've actually felt like I found someone I wanted to date since being single for over a year now. But the whole discussion on the way back to her house last night made me have second thoughts. Any advice? Should I just keep hanging out with her or should I consider myself friend-zoned? She told me that she friend-zoned her ex, but did not give me an indicator for me being in the friend zone. It feels like its moving to fast for me if she wants to date. I'm not sure I like her tom-boyish nature though. WhAt sHoUlD I dO? Thanks.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 She then invited me back to watch her frog eat the mouse when I get off work the next day. I think this sounds like the weirdest mother****ing date suggestion ever. My question, what does she want from me? Does she want to date me? Am I a walking, talking box of kleenex? A sympathetic shoulder to lean on? Hrmph. So far from what I've read in your post, the words "Emotional Tampon" kept flashing through my brain (thanks for the term, Carhill). I could be wrong, but I don't think so. You sound like a good buddy. Girls that have guy friends are sometimes flirty with them - it gives them some kind of "boost." I personally think it's kind of cruel because it incites posts such as yours.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 It seems like she is doing all the pursuing. You should really be a man and just kiss her already. It's obvious that her relationship was on her last legs and she was/is looking for a replacement bf. Don't be a pu$$y.
JustLooking123 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 What do YOU want? If you want to date her, step up and ask her out on a date. Frankly, she sounds like drama. Bringing her "date" out to meet you and your buddies? Come on. And were she and her ex even broken up yet? Proceed with caution!
Author Viking Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I don't want to be a replacement bf. I too find her behavior frustratingly mysterious. She has been doing all of the pursuing and that is really different to me as usually guys should be/are. I'm not sure if I want to date her though. She has some issues that obviously need to be worked on. If I just up and kiss her that could be problematic because I'm not 100% into her and sorta feel like I'd rather have someone a little more feminine as a gf. She is strong enough to carry me on her back as she's a runner, but lacks upper body strength. She also always mentions her boobs. Ever night at least once. Nice body on her. I'm just not sure what I want. After I got out of my last relationship, I told myself that I wanted to date someone who shared my religion. She doesn't and I feel like that would be a compromising decision on my part.
DustySaltus Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Catch 22- Move too quick and she may see you as insensitive. Wait too long and you may be friendzoned. I mean the fact that she slept over your house while she was still kind of with him sets off a red flag to me. Who says she wouldn't do the same to you? Add the fact that you may not even be attracted to her like that, I say just move on. You can be friendly and maybe revisit down the road but in the interim stick to the goals you set for yourself.
Author Viking Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Well, I think I may have messed up...last night while at a club (of sorts), I kissed her and she kissed back. SHE JUST BROKE UP TWO DAYS AGO! I don't know how to tell her that we either need to a) Take it slow b) not go anywhere with this due to her breakup c) forget it completely. I don't know if I want a relationship right now, but I don't want someone to be friends with benefits either. I am looking at going to Germany in less than a year and I want to STAY there for as long as possible and I don't want to have anything holding me down or back. WTF did I do? Is that something that one can easily recover from? Oh, and I stayed over at her house...
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