Butterfly5525 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 EXBF broke up with me this past 4th of July, but he's been trying to pursuade me to give him another chance by sending flowers, etc. However, last night he admitted to sleeping with another girl only a week or two after our break up. He claims it only happened once, although of course that could just be a bunch of b.s. Whether it happened one time or 10 times, either way I'm feeling totally devastated. I kind of suspected all along that he probably had sex at least once with someone else at some point this past summer. I asked him several times over the summer if he had slept with anyone else and he outright lied to me and said no. Even though I already suspected that this had happened, it totally has broken my heart now that I know for SURE it happened and to actually HEAR him admit it. I realize that it technically wasn't cheating since we were broken up, but I still think he acted like a real jerk to run right out and sleep with someone else so soon after our break up, especially seeing as how we had been together for two years. Plus, now that he says it happened so soon after our break up, I just have a hunch that he was maybe talking to and/or actual sleeping with that girl shortly before we even broke up. I'm just so sad because he had flowers delivered to me yesterday, and he has even been asking me to go look at engagement rings with him because he claims he's all ready to get engaged now. At first, I was all excited about that. But, now I realize that 1)he probably isn't even serious about wanting to get engaged now, and is probably saying that just to continue trying to keep me on a string, and 2) even if he DID propose to me sometime soon I'm not so sure I should or would say yes becasue now there are just alot of trust issues. (More than what I've written here). God, this just completely sucks.
mimiminx Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I'm so incredibly sorry... I can't imagine the pain of knowing that..and hearing it from him. All along you said you had a feeling about it, and that he may have been in contact with this person before he broke up with you.. I'm really sorry. That must really hurt more than anything. I know you love him, but to be honest, he really hasn't shown you much respect from what you've posted here. I hope you heed caution with this... good luck..
fawn Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 It does sounds like he is taking you for a ride. He slept with someone this fast after a breakup, this is not good at all sounds like he didnt care much for you. If he was already hiding things from you and lied, then i would say move on this is not a person to be trusted. Can he chance? Of course but you are taking a chance and he might not, who knows what he is thinking. Cheaters and lies go hand in hand, be very careful with this one.
trueblue72ny Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I am sorry you are going thru this. Its not fun. even tho you were already broken up when he decided to sleep with another woman, I guess I would just be wondering if something was already going on because it was only two weeks after your break up. Im not suggesting anything physical was going on, I just mean I wonder if they were already talking before the break up, because I find it hard to believe that someone is with someone that quick. I wonder what his real intent was. and what it is now for that matter! is he back because things didnt work out wit the new girl? I might be old fashioned but I do not just jump into the sack with someone in a week or two. in fact after a week or two i am usually still sick to my stomach and want nothing to do with another woman. and I am a 37 year old man. That is what I would be wondering. And from my experience once that happens once it will probably happen again down the road when you least expect it. you have every right to have trust issues. And it does suck because you have feelings for this person!
Author Butterfly5525 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thank you very much for your input about this everyone. I'm still really struggling with what to do here. I still love him alot, but I am just SO angry and hearbroken that he ran out and slept with someone else pretty much right after we broke up. That hurts so much because here is it a few months after our break up, and I STILL feel like I'm at a point where I can't even fathom sleeping with another guy because I still have all these feelings for my ex. This just completely sucks. I just don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying as I type this. Just a few days ago after I found out he slept with someone else, he must have worried that would be the last straw for me because he suddenly was acting SO remorseful, willing to do anything to get me back, etc. But now, after just a few days of talking to him and seeing him again (went to dinner with him last night), I totally feel like he's right back to being all ambivalent about whether or not we work things out. I can't f'ing deal with this back and forth stuff anymore. It's making me completely stressed out and so sad. Whenever I go even a couple days with zero contact with him, it's like he can't even handle it. He seems totally distraught and devastated about me not being in his life anymore and then he calls a bizillion times, sends flowers, etc. But...then after just a couple days of not talking to him anymore, he's right back to seeming like he doesn't really give a crap one way or the other if we work things out. Since we broke up at the beginning of July, the longest I've ever gone NC with him is like 4 or 5 days. Maybe I need to be strong and go alot longer than that without talking to him or seeing him, because he's been very wishy washy and I don't think he's ever going to decide that he definitely wants to be with me unless or until he gets a true taste of what life without me would REALLY be like. Also, NC would probably be good for me so that I can more easily think about do I really even want him back, etc. I'm not quite sure WHAT to do here, but all I know is something has to change because I just stand this. I feel like I've been living in an emotional hell for the past few months because of him jerking me around, and I just can't take it anymore. Any advice from you guys would be MUCH appreciated. Thanks!
mimiminx Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Butterfly- go NC for your own sake. Please do it. Yes, he will go nuts, don't give in! Tell him you need some distance and to please respect your boundaries. If he can't do that he's a jerk. He's treated you badly, lied, and slept with another woman very soon after your breakup. That is very bad and I think you deserve better. I don't know him but from what you write, he sounds very controlling and manipulative, not very stable. You cannot stay in the limbo any longer... I'm kind of in the same place and it was killing me until I finally decided what to do about it. I know it's hard but my advice to you is to disappear off the face of the planet, don't talk to him, don't respond to his attempts. Give yourself a time period, like a month. He is going to keep pushing and pulling you until you do this. To be honest, if my guy told me that he had slept with another woman a week or two after we split up, I would tell him to go F himself and to leave me the hell alone. This is your relationship, so if you don't want this in your life anymore, do something about it. Cut him off. You may be surprised what NC can do. You might realize that you do deserve better. If you're in an emotionally charged situation, you can't think clearly. Remove yourself from the situation. I wish you the best...
Author Butterfly5525 Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 Thank you very much for your advice mimi and clarify. Clarify, I kind of wonder if what you said is what might have happened too. He definitely was acting really distant and being a real jerk the few weeks prior to our break up. Not wanting to come visit me as much as usual, hanging up on me mid conversation, etc. So, there are definitely things that make me suspect that he might have been seeing someone before we even broke up, although he denies it like crazy. Mimi, I know you suggested that I tell him I need NC for awhile and to please respect my boundaries. However, the more I think about the whole situation, the more upset and angry I feel. I sent him this text a little earlier tonight: "The more I think about it, the more completely p*ssed off I am that u went and slept with someone else. That was an incredibly sh*tty thing 4 u 2 do. And..I suspect (regardless of what you say) that you were probably cheating on me while we were still dating. U really treated me like sh*t in so many ways while we were still together, but then getting dumped AND finding out you slept with someone else right after our breakup is truly the last straw 4 me. From now on, I want nothing 2 do with you. Just leave me the f*ck alone"! I still haven't heard back from him about this text, so I'm wondering whether or not he even received it. I sent him a text via ICQ from my computer to his cell phone. That's the first time I've ever done that, so not sure if he even got the message....
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