SimpleSam Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I've been talking to this girl for two weeks now, and things just took a dramatic turn. Here's some background info: she had been living with her boyfriend (He is 30, she is 22) for one year (they have been together for two years). Somewhere along the line, he got lazy, and she became unsatisfied with the relationship. She had brought it up to me a couple of times, and finally after getting sick and tired of hearing about her problems, I asked her out. I've been out with this girl half a dozen times, and it has gone very well. We have great chemistry together. However, a part of me feels a little guilty about the circumstances. Last Thursday, I took her out on a real date and we had a great time. I didn't go in for the kiss because I wasn't certain that they had officially broken up yet. Well, the very next day, I get this call from her and she asks if I want to go out to dinner that night. It was kind of odd since it was the very next night. I had not been on two dates in two consecutive nights, with the same girl before. She paid for the entire thing, and when I went in for the kiss, she was all about it. The following night, I ran into the boyfriend at a bar... When he came up to me, I felt really bad because he is a nice guy. He did not bring up anything involving me and his ex; however, I have this feeling that he either knows what's going on and doesn't care or he has no clue? My question is if I run into him again and he brings up the fact that I took his girlfriend away from him, how should I respond?
aerogurl87 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 First off I would be careful about dating this girl. People who jump into a new relationship while already in one have a tendency to be unstable (my ex was like that). So just be careful. And why do you want to date her anyway? No offense, but I'd be kinda worried if she left her ex for me while dating, let alone living with him, she might do the same to me. But that's just me. Now to answer your question. If he asks did you steal her away well answer honestly. In a sense you did, but in another you didn't because she chose to leave. She's an adult who can make her own decisions and she decided to leave him for you. But I'd find out some more background info from her ex, something tells me there may be more to the picture than what she told you.
ReturnToSender Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I would let him know thats between him and her...and I would make sure from her that things are indeed over between them. I would too would be wary about someone who leaves another for me...its happend to me twice now, and guess what? Both my ex's left a woman to be with me, and left me to be with another woman. I wasnt at any fault....in one case I didnt even find out till 3 years into the marriage that he filed for a divorce while we were dating (he had told me he had been separated for over a year...not true) but...that was the method of operation. Might be the same deal..things arent going to great...so go find a replacement then drop the one youre with. There would then always be that worry, that if there are any problems at all..instead of working through them, she is working on finding your replacement. Blah!
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Yeah, I definitely wouldn't leave the relationship an open-ended question...meaning that you don't know for sure that they HAVE broken up. You call him an ex, but has she even moved out?
BUENG1 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I've been talking to this girl for two weeks now, and things just took a dramatic turn. Here's some background info: she had been living with her boyfriend (He is 30, she is 22) for one year (they have been together for two years). Somewhere along the line, he got lazy, and she became unsatisfied with the relationship. She had brought it up to me a couple of times, and finally after getting sick and tired of hearing about her problems, I asked her out. I've been out with this girl half a dozen times, and it has gone very well. We have great chemistry together. However, a part of me feels a little guilty about the circumstances. Last Thursday, I took her out on a real date and we had a great time. I didn't go in for the kiss because I wasn't certain that they had officially broken up yet. Well, the very next day, I get this call from her and she asks if I want to go out to dinner that night. It was kind of odd since it was the very next night. I had not been on two dates in two consecutive nights, with the same girl before. She paid for the entire thing, and when I went in for the kiss, she was all about it. The following night, I ran into the boyfriend at a bar... When he came up to me, I felt really bad because he is a nice guy. He did not bring up anything involving me and his ex; however, I have this feeling that he either knows what's going on and doesn't care or he has no clue? My question is if I run into him again and he brings up the fact that I took his girlfriend away from him, how should I respond? They probably haven't broken up.
Trojan John Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I don't know the guy, but I would respond by putting my hands up in preparation to defend my face. 22 years old, in a bar drinking, and you steal his girlfriend? Face punches are imminent, I think.
Bejita463 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 However this pans out, I would imagine a few months down the road you'll be surprised she does you dirty in the same way as this other guy.
Scottdmw Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I did this once too, a long time ago. Sure enough, the woman did the same thing to me with another guy. What this woman you know has done to her boyfriend is wrong, she should end things with one person before starting something with someone else. She essentially used him until she had someone else lined up, and he will be hurt worse as a result. You have supported her in this whole thing. If/when it happens to you, remember that you have absolutely no right to complain about anything. Scott
monkey00 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 . When he came up to me, I felt really bad because he is a nice guy. He did not bring up anything involving me and his ex; however, I have this feeling that he either knows what's going on and doesn't care or he has no clue? My question is if I run into him again and he brings up the fact that I took his girlfriend away from him, how should I respond? I think the odds of him knowing are likely slim. That's paranoia for you, it gets the best of you and you start conjuring up all these thoughts. I don't think you have to tell him anything to be honest. But here's the question, what is he to you? A friend? Or an acquaintance? If it's the latter you don't owe him an explanation.
silic0ntoad Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I never ever get with someone who has a current bf. Reason? I'll be the guy being left for someone else down the line. You have to consider the integrity of a person who is in a Relationship before you consider attraction. If they cheat on them with you, they will cheat on you with the next victim, and it continues down the line usually throughout their lifetime until they seek therapy. Not to mention, I try to keep bad blood to a minimum. First, I'd bet they aren't broken up. Second, I'd bet a few months/years down the line, like me, you will be kicked to the curb.
lovelydemon Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I'm actually thinking of leaving my bf. Unfortunately I know that the only way i could do it is to find another guy first (that's just how it works for me). My bf is a great guy everybody loves,but there is smth missing and I've been trying to break up with him for 2 years by now. Every time I try to leave him he tells me he is going to change and things go sweet for a week, but people don't change. So I've decided that the only way to break up with him is to cheat on him(he can't deny that there is a problem then). I did everything i could to make this break up not so hard but he doesn't understand and i feel like I'm out of options.
norajane Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You haven't stolen his gf. She's still living with him and is cheating on him behind his back, while you get used for her self-centered, selfish ego boost. If she's that easy about cheating, she's not worth having.
norajane Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I'm actually thinking of leaving my bf. Unfortunately I know that the only way i could do it is to find another guy first (that's just how it works for me). My bf is a great guy everybody loves,but there is smth missing and I've been trying to break up with him for 2 years by now. Every time I try to leave him he tells me he is going to change and things go sweet for a week, but people don't change. So I've decided that the only way to break up with him is to cheat on him(he can't deny that there is a problem then). I did everything i could to make this break up not so hard but he doesn't understand and i feel like I'm out of options. You've been "trying" to break up with him for 2 years? Try harder. Don't be that ho that cheats on every man she ever dates because she doesn't have the integrity to break up with someone honestly.
dreamergrl Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I would never go for someone's SO. For this exact reason. OP, you feel guilt - which means you feel you've done something wrong. And I agree. Further more, like so many have said, she will do the same thing to you, well it's at least likely. It takes two people to create this type of drama, and I don't think the girl is the only one wrong here.
norajane Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I'm actually thinking of leaving my bf. Unfortunately I know that the only way i could do it is to find another guy first (that's just how it works for me). My bf is a great guy everybody loves,but there is smth missing and I've been trying to break up with him for 2 years by now. Every time I try to leave him he tells me he is going to change and things go sweet for a week, but people don't change. So I've decided that the only way to break up with him is to cheat on him(he can't deny that there is a problem then). I did everything i could to make this break up not so hard but he doesn't understand and i feel like I'm out of options. And I have to add... You think he'll be hurt if you break up with him and actually stop seeing him and stop taking his calls? You don't have the heart to hurt him like that? Well, how hurt do you think he'll be to find out you'd cheated on him? You have NO IDEA how devastated he will be, and how that will affect ALL of his relationships for the rest of his life. Don't f*ck around with people's lives and emotional health. Be a big girl and break up with him properly instead of screwing him over first.
dreamergrl Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I'm actually thinking of leaving my bf. Unfortunately I know that the only way i could do it is to find another guy first (that's just how it works for me). My bf is a great guy everybody loves,but there is smth missing and I've been trying to break up with him for 2 years by now. Every time I try to leave him he tells me he is going to change and things go sweet for a week, but people don't change. So I've decided that the only way to break up with him is to cheat on him(he can't deny that there is a problem then). I did everything i could to make this break up not so hard but he doesn't understand and i feel like I'm out of options. You're a big girl. It's your choice to walk or stay.
Author SimpleSam Posted September 16, 2009 Author Posted September 16, 2009 Response to the girl confused about leaving her man: Listen, it is your life and if he is lazy and doesn't show you the type of attention you've come to expect (especially after 2 years) then it is time to go. This situation is fairly similar to mine. Based on some of the comments, I guess I should of put in some more details. First, I realize that I'm taking a huge risk by getting involved with someone who was in a two year relationship and lived together for one of those years. Second, I made a conscious decision to not do anything with this girl until I knew that she had broken it off with her boyfriend. Now, I am prepared for the possibility that her ex may make a final stand towards the end. Meaning he will try to win her back by saying that he will "change." I've put myself in the frame of mind two ways; 1) there is the possibility, down the road, that she may do the same thing to me that she did to her ex and 2) being the "rebound" does have its disadvantages; but all in all, I'm willing to take that risk. This girl is definitely worth it. No risk, no reward. What's funny is that I hung out with this girl tonight, and she brought up the fact that he mentioned that he ran into me the other night, at the bar. He tried to tell her that everyone I was with were in some sort of relationship, and that my best friend sitting next to me was my supposed girlfriend. I found it quite funny. I told the girl I'm pursuing that we have to realize that her ex knows some of my friends and that there is a distinct possibility that we may run into him in the near future. After she told me what he said to her, I don't feel for him in the slightest anymore. If he treated his ex with respect and some sort of initiative, this situation may have never transpired. But low and behold, she got rid of him and moved on. Victory can be pretty sweet sometimes.
dreamergrl Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Response to the girl confused about leaving her man: Listen, it is your life and if he is lazy and doesn't show you the type of attention you've come to expect (especially after 2 years) then it is time to go. This situation is fairly similar to mine. Based on some of the comments, I guess I should of put in some more details. First, I realize that I'm taking a huge risk by getting involved with someone who was in a two year relationship and lived together for one of those years. Second, I made a conscious decision to not do anything with this girl until I knew that she had broken it off with her boyfriend. Now, I am prepared for the possibility that her ex may make a final stand towards the end. Meaning he will try to win her back by saying that he will "change." I've put myself in the frame of mind two ways; 1) there is the possibility, down the road, that she may do the same thing to me that she did to her ex and 2) being the "rebound" does have its disadvantages; but all in all, I'm willing to take that risk. This girl is definitely worth it. No risk, no reward. What's funny is that I hung out with this girl tonight, and she brought up the fact that he mentioned that he ran into me the other night, at the bar. He tried to tell her that everyone I was with were in some sort of relationship, and that my best friend sitting next to me was my supposed girlfriend. I found it quite funny. I told the girl I'm pursuing that we have to realize that her ex knows some of my friends and that there is a distinct possibility that we may run into him in the near future. After she told me what he said to her, I don't feel for him in the slightest anymore. If he treated his ex with respect and some sort of initiative, this situation may have never transpired. But low and behold, she got rid of him and moved on. Victory can be pretty sweet sometimes. You've worsened the situation by turning it into a game. The point is, is that you moved in on a girl that had a boyfriend. Regardless if it was a good R or not, it should have been up to her to leave, without having a new guy to fall back on. You are simply a crutch to her. You're trying to ease your guilty feelings by something the girl claimed her bf said. You didn't even hear it from his mouth. As a matter of fact, for all you know she may be saying things to see what type of reaction she gets. She cheated on her boyfriend, and because of that, she's going to feel paranoid that her 'new man' will do the same to her. But hey, if a cheating girl who is obviously playing games is your type, then good job!
fatamus Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Like everyone else has already said; she is a cheater and she will do the same to you sooner or later. You are simply a line up guy/rebound whatever. Dont you have any self respect? First danger is that this will soon turn into a wreck, second danger is that depending on her ex you are risking your health. Just because everything is dandy now doesnt mean people dont have long memories... catch my drift.
norajane Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 No, she's not worth it. She's a cheater, and she's a liar. She's been lying to her bf, and you have no way of knowing when she is or isn't lying to you. Liars don't just stop lying because they're with another guy. They just keep lying because that's how they live their lives and try to get an advantage over people.
BCCA Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Response to the girl confused about leaving her man: Listen, it is your life and if he is lazy and doesn't show you the type of attention you've come to expect (especially after 2 years) then it is time to go. This situation is fairly similar to mine. Based on some of the comments, I guess I should of put in some more details. First, I realize that I'm taking a huge risk by getting involved with someone who was in a two year relationship and lived together for one of those years. Second, I made a conscious decision to not do anything with this girl until I knew that she had broken it off with her boyfriend. Now, I am prepared for the possibility that her ex may make a final stand towards the end. Meaning he will try to win her back by saying that he will "change." I've put myself in the frame of mind two ways; 1) there is the possibility, down the road, that she may do the same thing to me that she did to her ex and 2) being the "rebound" does have its disadvantages; but all in all, I'm willing to take that risk. This girl is definitely worth it. No risk, no reward. What's funny is that I hung out with this girl tonight, and she brought up the fact that he mentioned that he ran into me the other night, at the bar. He tried to tell her that everyone I was with were in some sort of relationship, and that my best friend sitting next to me was my supposed girlfriend. I found it quite funny. I told the girl I'm pursuing that we have to realize that her ex knows some of my friends and that there is a distinct possibility that we may run into him in the near future. After she told me what he said to her, I don't feel for him in the slightest anymore. If he treated his ex with respect and some sort of initiative, this situation may have never transpired. But low and behold, she got rid of him and moved on. Victory can be pretty sweet sometimes. So, youre expecting honesty from a girl who has proven herself dishonest? Thats such a bad call man. I promise whatever she told you he said was 99% made up, and only said so she doesnt look so bad. What makes you think shes not going to do the same thing to you? Know what? She is, I can almost promise you that.
sally4sara Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I agree that you can't trust someone such as this girl..... But I wouldn't trust to OP either; they sound well matched I'm a bit sickened at how many are pinning all the dirt on the girl. Its one thing to assume if he wasn't the one to pull her away someone else would be, but you can't know that for sure. She might have just bowed out of the relationship and then the OP could've stepped to her then. Now they both have egg on their face, not just her.
dreamergrl Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I agree that you can't trust someone such as this girl..... But I wouldn't trust to OP either; they sound well matched I'm a bit sickened at how many are pinning all the dirt on the girl. Its one thing to assume if he wasn't the one to pull her away someone else would be, but you can't know that for sure. She might have just bowed out of the relationship and then the OP could've stepped to her then. Now they both have egg on their face, not just her. That's what I tried saying.
Bejita463 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I agree that you can't trust someone such as this girl..... But I wouldn't trust to OP either; they sound well matched I'm a bit sickened at how many are pinning all the dirt on the girl. Its one thing to assume if he wasn't the one to pull her away someone else would be, but you can't know that for sure. She might have just bowed out of the relationship and then the OP could've stepped to her then. Now they both have egg on their face, not just her. My opinion on the matter wouldn't have been different at all had she asked instead of him. I just gave the response I did because it wasn't her who asked. A matter of simplicity, in my mind.
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