audrey_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Hey everyone. Haven't been on in a while. The situation that brought me here was intense, but I began to heal and found that coming to LS made things worse for me. I am doing well with moving beyond the LDR relationship with my childhood friend, not seeing him in four months with limited text/email contact about our pending business that's yet to be finalized and general mundane things. But he sent me a Facebook friend request Saturday afternoon, after he deleted me back in June, and I bumped into him last night at Starbucks on my way out of town. We had a nice conversation, and I kept my calm, kept it light, and was so glad that I wasn't visibly shaking. I told him I'd think about the FB request, that I didn't want anymore drama. He withdrew it sometime late this afternoon. Not sure when, because I was engrossed in the US Open men's final. (freakin' awesome match). Why did he send it in the first place, and after a congenial meeting last night, why would he then delete it like that? I don't understand. He wanted to be with someone else. Why does it matter one way or the other? It's a website. Was he testing me? I can like him as a person and be civil to him, but that does not mean he has the right to see who and how I'm interacting with on Facebook, I don't think. Why this? Y'all please try to help me understand. Thank you.
Ronni_W Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Just a guess: He was pro'ly expecting you to get uber-excited and jump all over his FB request. When you didn't do that, he realized that he lost whatever control he thought he might still have...or that he never had it in the first place. Now he's rescinded the invite as [1] a way to get back the "control" that he deluded himself into thinking he had, and/or [2] as a way to try to "punish" you, and/or [3] to manipulate you into wanting/begging another invite from him. Just a guess, though.
patkirk Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Maybe a case of vulnerability vs ego? just a thought but maybe he was thinking about you, took a step and sent the request then after your conversation felt like you weren't all that accepting of it so his ego kicked in and he withdrew it. Guys don't like showing their vulnerability and worse deal with rejection, so a simple thing such as that might signify that he missed you, wanted to reconnect but maybe felt some rejection from your end. Or else he just wants to spy on you.
singledad2 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I agree with Ronni. Its a control thing. He gave it up when you said you would think about it and was getting it back by withdrawing it. Doesn't sound mature enough to me and certainly you deserve better.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Thank you for the input. I sent him a text when I realized he rescinded it saying that I saw that he had withdrawn it, that I understood, and that it was good to see him. He didn't respond. As he was leaving Starbucks yesterday, he said to text him if I decided to stay in town, that we could meet up again. And keep in mind that he is still seeing the girl that he slid out of the LDR with me for, though I was told that she tried to have the "talk" with him, and that he told her he loved her but wasn't "in love" with her. I care for him very much, but I'm no longer willing to put myself out there to get punched in the gut again. I truly thought he didn't want to see me anymore, so with that, I don't really want him "seeing" me online, either. All of his exes are on his page, whether he does or doesn't have any active interaction with them, I don't know. But I just didn't want to be one of "them." I was shocked to get the request, honestly, and needed time to process it. Time to let it get cold and me respond or not with my head and not my heart. No impulse. His ego being wounded? Well boo hoo. He gutted me. And he knows it.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 As he was leaving Starbucks yesterday, he said to text him if I decided to stay in town, that we could meet up again. And keep in mind that he is still seeing the girl that he slid out of the LDR with me for, though I was told that she tried to have the "talk" with him, and that he told her he loved her but wasn't "in love" with her. Edit: He said we could meet up again before pulling the request today. His ego being wounded? Well boo hoo. He gutted me. And he knows it. Edit: I don't mean he gutted me by his behavior with pulling the request, but when I realized he wasn't being forthcoming with me about this other girl who was local to him several months ago that began my healing...
Exit Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I agree that I'm sure he expected it to be Accepted first thing this morning, and when it wasn't, he felt like he'd be more in control if he cancelled it. Childish.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I agree that I'm sure he expected it to be Accepted first thing this morning, and when it wasn't, he felt like he'd be more in control if he cancelled it. Childish. He sent a text saying: "figured since it was pending for extended time that it wasn't meant to be. Best wishes to you." To which I responded: I don't understand what you mean by that. It's facebook. Don't be a "guy." Actually thought it might be better for you, not me. Oh well. Still say it ws good to see you. Would rather do in-person than online. Don't want any chance of repeat patterns. Hugs. It was nice of you to reach out in that way. I know it's hard for you. You can still be one of my favorite people and not be on my fb.
silic0ntoad Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Oh, the horrors of FB strike again. This dude is one of those guys who keeps all of his Ex's available, like a "little black FB book."
Recommended Posts