Smoking & Dating...what's the deal?

[Chicago_Guy]

why you all dissin' us smokers? we pay taxes and help to keep the economy going. none of you are paying any of these taxes. you should be happy that we smoke

 

That is partially true of cigarette taxes, but don't forget the net overall cost to the economy and to the health care system that is due to cancers and other illnesses linked to health issues caused by smoking. Studies show that smokers are a net drag on the economy and cost the economy more than the amount they pay in cigarette taxes.

[Lish]

Even I as a smoker am happy about the ban in restaurants... I dont smoke while I eat, and dont want to taste or smell it either. Im a bit disheartened by the ban in bars/clubs...but then Im not at a total loss...many places like that around here still allow smoking indoors.

 

As for my home...if I know someone is coming over..smoker or not..I dont smoke inside for that whole day..I air the place out and simmer some essential oils. If I invite someone over, I want them to be comfortable in my home... Sort of like..yeah, its my house, I can do whatever i want..and I walk around naked 90% of the time, but Im still going to put clothes on when I have visitors over. Its courteous, yannow?

 

And this is the sort of respect I was talking about

 

I think if you're a smoker and you're dating a non-smoker, you have to be respectful that they don't want you to constantly leave them alone while you smoke.

Besides, if you smoke and you're dating a non-smoker then you're lucky enough as it is.. it's sadly a deal breaker for alot of people who can't see past the addiction.

[alphamale]

Studies show that smokers are a net drag on the economy and cost the economy more than the amount they pay in cigarette taxes.

well what about all those fat people coming out of mcdonalds with calves like tree stumps. do you look at them funny and think how they will eventually be a "net drag" on the economy even though they are eating everything in sight (which they have to pay for BTW)

[Thornton]

Im a bit disheartened by the ban in bars/clubs...but then Im not at a total loss...many places like that around here still allow smoking indoors.

 

You mean the smoking ban is optional? (It isn't here, it's compulsory). Otherwise those places you mention are breaking the law by allowing smoking.

[alphamale]

They're nice people and we've been out for drinks and dinner etc with them several times, but we really don't like to go to their home.

what if they were indian and their home reeked of curry (as many do)....would you go to their home then? or would you just say something like "Um yea listen Jugdish and Vijaya, we'd rather meet you for dinner at mcdonalds or maybe at Red Lobster for their $17 endless shrimp special"

[ReturnToSender]

You mean the smoking ban is optional? (It isn't here, it's compulsory). Otherwise those places you mention are breaking the law by allowing smoking.

 

No, its not optional...and no the places that allow it are not breaking any laws. There are places that can and do allow smoking within the confinements of the law.

 

Only things I know for sure are...smoking is not allowed at all in restaurants or any place where food is served, including bars that serve food. I dont know the specifics of the law though...youd have to look up FL smoking ban laws to figure it all out.

[Lish]

Thanks alpha. I now want an indian takeaway. I had one last night!

 

So thanks for reminding me

[Thornton]

well what about all those fat people coming out of mcdonalds with calves like tree stumps. do you look at them funny and think how they will eventually be a "net drag" on the economy even though they are eating everything in sight (which they have to pay for BTW)

 

Yes, I do actually. It annoys me when I see already-obese people stuffing their faces with junk food, as much as smokers annoy me. But I don't say it out loud to their faces, same as I don't say my opinions about smoking out loud to smokers.

[Thornton]

what if they were indian and their home reeked of curry (as many do)....would you go to their home then? or would you just say something like "Um yea listen Jugdish and Vijaya, we'd rather meet you for dinner at mcdonalds or maybe at Red Lobster for their $17 endless shrimp special"

 

Curry smells nice - I like curry and would love to be invited to someone's home for an authentic Indian meal. Curry smells nice and isn't carcinogenic; cigarette smoke stinks and causes cancer. I don't mind food smells around me, but I really don't want cigarette smoke puffed in my face.

[Lish]

Yes, I do actually. It annoys me when I see already-obese people stuffing their faces with junk food, as much as smokers annoy me. But I don't say it out loud to their faces, same as I don't say my opinions about smoking out loud to smokers.

Is it okay if I do it then?

[Pink Cupcakes]

Smoking isn't really cool anymore. The people who smoke are pretty much hicks and trashy looking people that look like they are probably on welfare. So how are they paying for this? Makes you wonder.

[sumdude]

Smoking isn't really cool anymore. The people who smoke are pretty much hicks and trashy looking people that look like they are probably on welfare. So how are they paying for this? Makes you wonder.

 

:rolleyes:Yeah, makes you wonder when the double wide will be parked on the White House lawn.

[Mahatma]

Sorry to just hop in this thread, but I will NEVVVVVERRR date a smoker.

 

I live in a college town and it is such a shame to see the incredibly beautiful girls puffing away.

[Pink Cupcakes]

Alpha, why don't you quit?

[Thornton]

Is it okay if I do it then?

 

I tend to feel a bit different about junk food if it's a slim person who's eating it. I think "OK, you're obviously pretty healthy most of the time, so its ok to treat yourself occasionally". But when an already-obese person is stuffing their face with junk food, I think "Don't you think you're fat enough already without stuffing that in your face? Your weight is unattractive, unhealthy, and will probably result in you being a burden on the health service - don't you ever look in the mirror and think maybe you should stop putting so much food in your mouth?" I've been told that obesity is an illness and I shouldn't criticise... Mmm yeah, I bet you feel so ill stuffing that cheeseburger with triple fries and milkshake down your throat. Personally I'm slim but hardly eat any junk food at all, and I never eat burgers or pizza or donuts etc. If I can avoid eating junk food, there's no reason for other people to have to stuff themselves with it... greed is not an illness.

[lino]

What's even less desirable to date than a full blown smoker is an ex smoker who was once happy to smoke around others and blow it in their faces but now just because they've quit, are the first ones to lecture a smoker about how bad it is and demand they go smoke some place else.

 

Hypocrites of the highest order!!

[carhill]

Hypocrites of the highest order!!

 

Yup, dated a few ladies like that. When that becomes the topic of discussion on an early date (back when you could smoke in a restaurant), I start looking for the exit.

[Trimmer]

• Are you or are you not a current smoker?
  

I'm not

• If you don't smoke what do you think of smokers in general?
  

I don't like being around smoke, but that's a separate issue from "what I think of smokers." I don't judge them as people based on their smoking.

• If you don't smoke would you date a smoker assuming good compatibility otherwise?
  

I would prefer not to, but as someone else pointed out, if I met someone first and later found out she smoked, it would be a choice I'd have to make. Not necessarily a hands-down dealbreaker, but certainly a big entry in the "Cons" column when all gets added up.

 

and when exactly did smoking stop being "cool"?

Somewhere around the time the public realized that the economic engine of smoking is the fact that it is a nicotine habit, and also with the burgeoning realization of the negative health effects.

 

And I know the overeating comparison is common, but being obese was never "cool" either...

 

 

I do notice many people looking down at smokers as if it's some weakness of character or something wrong with them. I say weed your own gardens first and hope you don't fall off that high horse.

I hear what you are saying; I'd like to explore that a little bit.

 

It seems, from Alpha's original post and his later comments, that he is - what is it: astonished? disappointed? pissed off? - that people would reject him as a potential date just on the basis of his smoking.

 

Here are some follow up questions for smokers:

 

• I get that the arrogant, holier-than-thou attitude is a turn-off. But do you feel that - absent an outward, judgemental attitude - my opinion/choice not to date a smoker is "judgemental?"
  
• Do you understand a non-smoker's decision/preference not to date a smoker? Do you empathize with it, or just accept it (or neither)?
  

I realize the answers to these may be different for different smokers, but I'm trying to get a feel for where that dividing line is. Some have bemoaned how smokers are poorly treated, or even just poorly thought of for their smoking. I'm trying to understand if you feel like just the opposite sex's choice not to date you is a kind of a persecution, or if you're only talking about the overt, arrogant kinds of attitudes...

[sumdude]

I get that the arrogant, holier-than-thou attitude is a turn-off. But do you feel that - absent an outward, judgemental attitude - my opinion/choice not to date a smoker is "judgemental?"

 

Nope, just a personal choice.

 

Do you understand a non-smoker's decision/preference not to date a smoker? Do you empathize with it, or just accept it (or neither)?

 

No problem accepting it, empathize? hmm that's an emotional word, I'll say understand the choice I suppose.

 

I realize the answers to these may be different for different smokers, but I'm trying to get a feel for where that dividing line is. Some have bemoaned how smokers are poorly treated, or even just poorly thought of for their smoking. I'm trying to understand if you feel like just the opposite sex's choice not to date you is a kind of a persecution, or if you're only talking about the overt, arrogant kinds of attitudes...

 

No it's the holier than thou attitude that gets to me. Example, the perception from an earlier poster that only people who look trashy and like they're on welfare smoke anymore. Which is an insult both to smokers and people on welfare. After all the President of the USA is known to smoke which was the point of my sarcastic retort.

 

Fact is I have trouble with that attitude in general. Include weight issues, almost all who have such low opinions of overweight people have never had a problem with their own weight therefore can't understand it. It's so easy to be judgmental. But to walk a mile in someone else's shoes or empathize? There are so many factors involved beyond the choice to eat too much. I know for a fact of friends who eat and drink as much as I have and somehow don't get big whereas I've been anywhere from 15 - 60 lbs overweight. I brought my weight down but the amount of effort on my part is far higher than others I know.

[alphamale]

Alpha, why don't you quit?

1. i'm addicted to nicotine
   
2. i like to smoke
   
3. it gives me something to do
   
4. i sort of like being in the minority or an underdog
   
5. smokers tend to be cool and more fun than non-smokers mainly cause they tend to be risk-takers
   
6. it still feels great to have that first smoke in the morning
   
7. drinking booze and coffee along with a smoke is the best
   
8. smoking will bring on a bowel movement
   
9. smokers have thier own "club" and its easy to meet other smokers
   

[Jaytb]

1. i'm addicted to nicotine
   
2. i like to smoke
   
3. it gives me something to do
   
4. i sort of like being in the minority or an underdog
   
5. smokers tend to be cool and more fun than non-smokers mainly cause they tend to be risk-takers
   
6. it still feels great to have that first smoke in the morning
   
7. drinking booze and coffee along with a smoke is the best
   
8. smoking will bring on a bowel movement
   
9. smokers have thier own "club" and its easy to meet other smokers
   

 

Do you think nonsmokers should date smokers? Does it make you mad when a nonsmoker states that he or she won't date a smoker?

[Trialbyfire]

I think almost everyone has dealbreakers for romantic partners. To get angry or annoyed that you're being rejected for their dealbreakers, particularly at the beginning of dating process, makes no sense to me.

 

For example, how many women have YOU, alpha, personally rejected for all kinds of reasons?

[Chicago_Guy]

1. i'm addicted to nicotine
   
2. i like to smoke
   
3. it gives me something to do
   
4. i sort of like being in the minority or an underdog
   
5. smokers tend to be cool and more fun than non-smokers mainly cause they tend to be risk-takers
   
6. it still feels great to have that first smoke in the morning
   
7. drinking booze and coffee along with a smoke is the best
   
8. smoking will bring on a bowel movement
   
9. smokers have thier own "club" and its easy to meet other smokers
   

 

So you're constipated if you don't smoke? I've never heard that before. Eat at Taco Bell if you're constipated and then you can save money and avoid smelling smokey.

[alphamale]

Do you think nonsmokers should date smokers?

sure, if it doesn't bother them

 

Does it make you mad when a nonsmoker states that he or she won't date a smoker?

no

 

For example, how many women have YOU, alpha, personally rejected for all kinds of reasons?

tons, up to and including bad breath, skanky feet, no manners, can't dress, cheap, clingy, racist, unreliable, looking for a meal ticket/gold-digging, bad temper, bad personality, ugly, too fat, too skinny, mean drunk, has kids, too old, too young, bad hygiene, nasty fingernails, warts, religion, politics, mental and emotional issues, baggage, schedule, line of work, et al....

 

So you're constipated if you don't smoke? I've never heard that before. Eat at Taco Bell if you're constipated and then you can save money and avoid smelling smokey.

in the morning a cup of coffee and a smoke is a sure fire way to bring on a nice crap. ask any smoker or ex-smoker

[Jaytb]

sure, if it doesn't bother them

 

 

no

 

ahh, ok. I was wondering if you think nonsmokers are bad people for not wanting to date smokers.