lonesome heart Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I have been dating(or i guess now its dated) a guy for 4 years, we were best friends first for a year then we started dating. And to say that we were perfect for eachother is putting it lightly. After a year of dating he gave me a promise ring, and we both knew we would end up married one day. In the last year we would look at houses we liked, talk about names for our kids...all the usually mushy stuff. I loved him in a deep way that i never thought was possible. Then two months ago he tells me he wants to go on a break. We had broken up once before but for a dumb reason and could not stay apart. I assumed that he was just needing space and that we would be fine. We continued to stay in contact daily but it became obvious that he viewed this as a breakup. We were best friends before we started dating and he told me that he would still like for us to remain friends. I agreed because the thought of not having him in my life at all was devestating to me....and a huge part of me thought that we would end up back together. It has been two months and today he dropped the bomb on me that he started seeing someone, and that since we usually hung out just the two of us that most likely we wont be hanging out much now. I cant think of a word to describe how i am feeling right now besides completly heart broken. I feel like my world is crumbling down around me and I dont know what to do. I just wanna cry and sleep all day and its been 2 months. Is that normal? what do i do? And to add to matters my best friend is out of town for a few months and i really have no one to turn to. I have never felt so sad and alone in my entire life. I need advice from people that have been in this situation. I want to be with him so bad and i dont know how he can just turn his back on us and what we had.... I feel helpless. He was my future, and i love him so much...
adamt Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I know what you are going through straight after abreak up. I was there over 3 months ago. Turned my world upside down and knocked me sideways. All the plans for the future were out of the window. The first month was a blur and i kept breaking down. I couldnt focus on work. i became depressed and just wanted to sit on the internet all day. Many people on here and in teh world have been through what you have and you may not believe it but it does get better eventually. Humans learn to adapt and recover. there is no short cut, just have to go through the emotions for the next few weeks. then slowly make efforts to work on yourself and focus on yourself. take up hobbies. at the moment surround yourself with friends (in your case call them or visit them) and talk with them about it all. For me i am 3 months on and got my emotions undercontrol and learned to keep it all at the back of my mind. But i do have days where i fell down Just hang in there and if you feel you need to cry then let it out. But just dont contact the ex and ignore all contact otherwise it wil take longer to recover.
SCooke Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I feel for you. I know how you must be feeling. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are right now. It's not been that long since your breakup, esp considering how long you were together. I'm not going to lie to you, the world will be tough and hard for a while. The best thing you can do is to avoid contacting him and concentrate on yourself for now. He knows how much you love him, there's not much left to say...you'll feel an incredible urge to keep contacting him and you'll keep seeking closure, but none of that will make you feel better. Infact, it'll make your progress slower...So don't make the mistake that most of us did and keep contacting him..it will only drive him away... If you are meant to be, he'll come back on his own...It's very hard to be friends with someone you've dated for son logn, esp this soon and while he's with someone new...So take care of yourself, let yourself feel the pain, and pass time. Really, for me, time was the only thing that's worked. I wish you the best and I hope you find courage and hope in the fact that people, here and everywhere else, have been in your situation, and survived it and became better for it down the road. good luck!
Author lonesome heart Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 thank you for your reply. sometimes i feel like the only one who as felt this way...and the things you said make sense...and make me feel a little stronger. I am trying to feel hope for the future it just all seems so hard right now.
wondering_girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 hi, ya know, reading your post made me cry..... it seems like we're on the same boat too, except i'm still in the unknown or i don't even know where i'm at anymore... my bf of 4 years has gone 360 on me in a matter of weeks over a petty argument, met up with him to talk but he just stared at me and said he's not ready to talk, but i was able to say how much he hurt me with silent treatment and not talking to me at all..... you're definitely right, he was my best friend too and then we dated which makes matters worse... i don't even know how to describe what i'm feeling sometimes of the day i'm angry, mad, sad, all of these emotions that i wish i could get off. still no calls, no answer, and i'm starting to assume his lack of effort means it's over... i should....
Author lonesome heart Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 i know how you feel....my emotions are all over the page....i go from sobbing uncontrolably to feeling like maybe i will be ok... its really hard when a big part of your life revolved around that person... its even harder knowing i would take him back in a heartbeat....i feel lost but i'm just trying to take things a day at a time...i'm letting myself feel the pain...and as a dumb as it sounds i have found that watching funny shows helps me...i will watch an episode of friends or the office everyday so that i can laugh and smile at least once a day...it helps
wondering_girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 yah, that's what i'm going through right now, pain that i wish i had a button to make it all go away or just a delete button to forget everything, i feel just like you do, i would take him as soon as he asks me back, but who knows, i don't think that day will EVER happen, i just have to accept it i guess... not sure if i can watch the office, since we watch that together all the time, it'll make me cry, friends will be OK though... it's amazing how like you said, you were together for such a long time, as we were too everything reminds me of him, when i see something, i'm like i wish he could see it too, and i hate that why can't i just hate him.... ya know? i hate myself for feeling that i still wanna be with him. *hugs*
Author lonesome heart Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 i know....he told me i should be mad at him when he told me he was seeing someone now...and i guess i should, but i cant. i still love him, and i agree with you...i wish i could be mad cuz that might be better than pain. A lot of things do remind me of him and at first i didnt want to be near those things, but i think that i shouldnt give up things i like because they had a connection with him, but that isnt easy. I hope one day i can look back on my time with him and smile...but i thought i would be with him forever so i'm not sure how long it will take for me to really get over it. I just dont get how he could move on so fast...it makes me wonder if the feelings he felt for me were not as strong as mine were for him. Its amazing how you think you know someone and then everything changes...like how you said your bf did a 360 on you....its sad
wondering_girl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 you said it's been 2 months right, this week will be one month when we had an argument, i guess i'm glad that he met me up for dinner to say what i have to say.... but it hurts, like you said it hurts SOOO bad, how he could just move on fast, and just like you, i'm starting to question, did he really love me when he said he did? or was it just because i was there so he might as well...? ya know. it hurts, and i guess time will tell what's going to happen but i'm just having a hard time reaching the "it'll be OK" part, cause this break-up caught me off-guard because we weren't falling apart then, but the way the behavior played for a couple of weeks, it seemed like it was on it's way... i'm still trying to accept it, it's hard.... definitely agree with you, i thought he was the one too, and i lost myself because i didn't even know who i am right now..... hopefully, i'll figure it out soon.... thanks girl, it's just so comforting to know that i am not the only one feeling like this, it's VERY BAD.
jv032889 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Like everyone else on this site I was in the same situation. It takes time. Eventually you will accept the facts and move forward. I sometimes break down but I pick myself back up. For three years I lived with my x. It was hard to adjust to the life w/o her. It sucks but we are not in control of our ex's emotions. They left us for a reason... w/e it maybe. Keep your head up and eventually love will find us again.
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