lap Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 If your boyfriend says, "The only reason I want to marry you is that I think I can't live without you." What do you make of it? There are other reasons that deter him from marrying you? I know you guys will know. I have been all over the place since we started talking of wedding.
stefspets Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Have you asked him what he means? I don't know your BF, nor can I read his mind, but I agree that it's an odd thing to say.
bebeblondie Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I think you are reading way too much into this. I think marrying someone because you can't live without them is a pretty valid reason and the only reason you need. If he says he wants to marry you and you are or are getting engaged, believe him. Men usually don't lie about this type of stuff.
2sunny Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I dont understand him..... I am 31 and have been single most of my life, irrespective of the fact that I'm quite good looking, immodesty aside. My last relationship (I have had two till date) finished bitterly and left its remnants for a long time. I didn't try to go out again for 3 - 4 years, although I was lonely. A few months back, I signed myself up for a matrimonial website and met someone online who is in the US (I'm in Europe). He is a scientist with the NASA and I have verified this. He says he is a nerd and is a virgin. He also claims he has never been in a relationship and that he was always 'studying'. He is 32, quite handsome and tall, something that I always wanted in my man, I'm 5-10 myself. The problem is sometimes he is there and sometimes he is not. I have messaged him (on his phone) things like 'thinking about you' and have not received a reply for two days. And then he calls one day and chats for 2 hours. He talks a lot about science and astronomy and though I'm a lecturer myself, talking about solar system and quantum theory is not my idea of fun. Having said that, he can be very funny and we have had great laughs a number of times. And then he disconnects the phone on me and never bothers to call back for days. He is coming to meet me (proposed it himself) next month. He is taking the trip just to see me. He has also removed his profile from the website and I think its because at some level he is serious about me. I fear I'll get thoroughly bored with him and that he will never be able to love and romance me the way I have dreamt my husband should. Having said that I have seen so many frivolous, manipulative men around that I'm not sure if I should let him go. Of course it is possible that he is hiding something from me and that this attitude is a facade. I am not getting any younger and have liked someone after ages. I'm scared that I'll end up lonely as there are few that I get attracted to. What do I do? Thanks already for your help. this is your post of last month? you had not spent time together and not even kissed etc? a first meeting of ten days is highly suspect of a man that wants to have his way with you. also - the designated contact times leave a lot to be desired and a lot of unanswered questions as to why he's completely unavailable and willing to be completely rude with no explanation. then he asks about marriage? :rolleyes::rolleyes: come on! first things first... you two know nothing about each others actions, demeanor and approach to daily life. i wouldn't bother given his very short and unattractive history with you. his inexcusable actions are never explained? what is all the secrecy about? there is a simple explanation for it and he's never going to give it to you... have you ever asked him about his rude and evasive behavior?
Author lap Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 2sunny, we spent 15 days together, day and night, 24/7. I think we are pretty much in love. Happens, doesn't it? He isn't evasive, shy sometimes. Introverted too. He is a nice guy otherwise. Also it's his first ever relationship (I know it for a fact.) So you think, "The only reason I want to marry you is that I think I can't live without you." is rude?? stefspets, why do you think it's odd?
2sunny Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 it's odd because he's moving too fast. 15 days together will not show if you are compatible for a lifetime. i never said the asking was rude - i said his behavior with your correspondence leaves A LOT to be desired - and too many unanswered questions! has he ever explained WHY he can't correspond except for the designated times? that alone seems REALLY ODD. and if you text and he doesn't respond for days - odd... and he gets disconnected on the phone - you are essentially cut off or hung up on - and no reason from him - and no call back so it isn't rude in the end... odd. did you ask for explanations to this odd behavior? if you marry him - expect MORE of the same odd and rude behavior. people don't change - they just expect you to go along with what they consider "normal." maybe he thinks this is normal... can you live with being scheduled in once or twice a week for all the years of your marriage... that is what he has offered.
Author lap Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 2sunny, you may be right. Love has obscured my vision, I think..... I have asked these questions and have been told (by friends) that I'm being cynical. The problem is I love him and this hasn't happened in ages now. He won't answer the questions that you so eloquently put forward. He doesn't know the answers himself, I reckon. He is a loner, who claims he is in love. Maybe I'm walking into trouble. Having said that, you guys think that his statement about "only reason for marrying" has something Freudian about it?
Author lap Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 guys help me here, I'm clearly not thinking right....
seoa Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 You've spent 15 days together, and you're in love...? Please can you define "love", as you see it. If you can also define your view of marriage - especially what is important for a marriage to last, long term - then that would help us respond... It sounds like you are going for an arranged marriage, which is not necessarily wrong, although the mention of "taller than me" sounds like a strange criteria in that scenario - I would have thought it would be based more around character...?
stefspets Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I didn't read your other posts to get background. The reason I thought it was odd was because of the "only" part--the statement in general just felt weird, I can't really put my finger on it. Like it was said in a disparaging way, that he didn't want to marry but would do it in order to keep you. Now that I know that you've only known him for 15 days I think it's a completely inappropriate topic to even be discussing. Sometimes people meet and marry quickly and things work out but I that's the exception and not the rule. To me it screams issues--that either him or you is trying to bond too quickly/desparately; maybe he is controlling, looking for a commitment so quickly; maybe there are abandonment issues. If he is behaving oddly now, why do you think this will change?
2sunny Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 i think before you even consider seeing him again you need to require he answer a lot of basic questions about his odd behavior. if he's unwilling to answer - then that gives YOU your answer... he's not worth the hassle of trying to pull basic info from... he's either hiding something or not a good communicator. he may be married. he may be taken. he may not be capable of basic communication and that would not be good marriage material... shy or not. if he's essentially unavailable except at HIS convenience and he's a guy that won't answer basic questions - how is this even remotely attractive? what did you do when you were together? please say you didn't have sex with someone you JUST met...
Rebellious Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 If your boyfriend says, "The only reason I want to marry you is that I think I can't live without you." What do you make of it? There are other reasons that deter him from marrying you? I know you guys will know. I have been all over the place since we started talking of wedding. Girls like to analyze & look for secret meanings, but guys mean exactly what they say and nothing else.
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