bluewolf17 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I never had sex on the 1st date. Its just not for me. I like romance and the chase, giving it all away on the first date you miss out on that. Also, I always have STDs and AIDS and pregnancy in the back of my mind I have never met anyone that was worth risking all that when I fist met them. Yes! The anticipation is so worth it.
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 No to sex on a first date if you want things to progress.
Lish Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 No to sex on a first date if you want things to progress. For me, no sex on the first date if anything. Just no. & hey, it's you with the cool name!
MissJoness Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 so how do you stop from meeting these type of men who only use you for sex?
carhill Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You can't stop meeting them, but you can pace the content of the interaction to weed out the sex hounds. One tip is to meet people through networking. Referrals. Introductions from trusted friends.
sweetie17 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 A year ago, I would have said definitely not! But then it happened. I met a guy while out one night (we have friends in common so we were all out together), we got ridiculously drunk, and it happened. We've been together a year now. He says he was so nervous that I would never want to talk to him again after it happened. And I felt the same way about him. But we started dating (and had several dates without sex!) and really liked each other. So, I guess it just worked out. I definitely don't recommend it, but if it happens, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't have a relationship
bluewolf17 Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You can't stop meeting them, but you can pace the content of the interaction to weed out the sex hounds. One tip is to meet people through networking. Referrals. Introductions from trusted friends. Like a business venture! Carhill is right, it's pretty easy to weed those ones out.
MissJoness Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 You can't stop meeting them, but you can pace the content of the interaction to weed out the sex hounds. One tip is to meet people through networking. Referrals. Introductions from trusted friends. What if it still happens? Like every guy you meet never is interested enough to date you on a serious level. It really doesn't matter where you meet these men; whether it be through a friend or at a library.
AlektraClementine Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 I had sex on the first date with my fiance. Would I change it? Probably not. However, I have noted that now (almost 2 years into a relationship) that we are seeing the truly stripped down versions of each other, we are having to LEARN how to communicate with one another. It's an exercise of grand frustration sometimes. We both feel freaked out because we actually have problems! Problems that create issues with intimacy. We love each other and that's why we're both committed to the learning stage. Having sex (fantastic sex at that) early on for us, created a sunshiny bubble around us that seemed impenetrable. Had we taken a few months to learn each other better, we might not have felt so blind sighted by the behavioral mismatches in our relationship. Besides, when you're having good sex with someone. You are attracted to them and you feel attractive and you want to BE attractive to get more of that good sex. That results in best-foot-forward behavior that isn't all that genuine or productive.
GorillaTheater Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 What if it still happens? Like every guy you meet never is interested enough to date you on a serious level. It really doesn't matter where you meet these men; whether it be through a friend or at a library. Then I would suggest looking inwardly. Self-examination can be difficult, but it's time well spent above and beyond finding a guy, though it certainly helps there too.
MissJoness Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Then I would suggest looking inwardly. Self-examination can be difficult, but it's time well spent above and beyond finding a guy, though it certainly helps there too. How do you do self examination if you don't know what is wrong with you?
carhill Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 What if it still happens? Like every guy you meet never is interested enough to date you on a serious level. It really doesn't matter where you meet these men; whether it be through a friend or at a library. That's a completely separate issue. Depth and breadth are two different dynamics. I think we've touched on those areas in other threads you've posted. IMO, as I had a similar issue being attractive to women as a young man, the work resides within you. Your advantage (or disadvantage, as you may infer) is that you will attract men because of sex. Generally, this does not obtain for most men. Women don't flock to a man looking for sex, as a rule. Work continues
GorillaTheater Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 How do you do self examination if you don't know what is wrong with you? If you can't look at yourself and figure out how your thinking or your personality/character traits may be holding you back from acomplishing your goals, whatever they may be, then seeking some sort of counseling may be in order. But I'd recommend putting in a lot of effort in figuring it out for yourself first. You may be dismayed or even disgusted at what you find when you start rooting around in your own head, I know I can be, but it's well worth the effort. Whoever said "know thyself" wasn't kidding. Then the hard work of fixing the problems you find starts.
carhill Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Second the counseling. If I had gotten that kind of help 20 years ago, I can see how life would've been much different. It's possible my M wouldn't have failed. We each bear our own responsibility.
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