writergal Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Just curious what other people think and have experienced when it comes to first date sex, or almost-but-not-quite-sex? I've never experienced it on a first date (thank god) but I've had a couple of close calls, where it could have gone that far but I stopped it. Why do men initiate that when it's clearly a "one night stand" kind of move? It's not realistic to think you can actually develop into a relationship with someone you've slept with on the first date. At least in my opinion. What are the reasons men do this? And "wanting sex" is too obvious an answer. Could it be because they're lonely, or are a player, have a fear of intimacy or low self image, or what do you think? Just curious.
Author writergal Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 LOL! No way with Skipper. Egads. No. Mine was a general question. Just curious because I was tempted with other "First dates" to go that far but never quite made it. So I wanted to hear what other people thought.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 In general, it's a bad idea to have sex on the first date, unless both parties have set up "f*ck buddy" parameters.
sibylline Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 all of my serious relationships started with having sex on the first date. if i feel like its right or it will be good, then im all for it.
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 If you're looking for a long term relationship, no, not a good idea at all regardless of what the guy says. I understand the whole "i just cant get my hands off of you (translation: Im horny)" thing but a man that respects you will not go that far before getting to know you As far as my experience has taught me.
BCCA Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 In my humble opinion, for whatever its worth, guys who go for sex on the first date dont really consider you 'dating' material, but figure since youre both in the same place for probably the last time, might as well give it a shot. Ive never tried to sleep with a girl on the first date that I had any intentions of calling back for more than a FWB. Some people, conversly, consider sex to be the ultimate way of bonding, and see nothing wrong with having it right off the bat. I know a guy who married a girl who he met having a 3-some with the night he met her. As Ive said here before many times over, there is no correlation between when you have sex and how long your relationship will last. What are the reasons men do this? And "wanting sex" is too obvious an answer. Could it be because they're lonely, or are a player, have a fear of intimacy or low self image, or what do you think? He wants sex IS the answer. You shouldnt try and add some negative trait to it, sometimes you just want to get laid.
WineCountry Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 [QUOTE=BCCA;2384356]In my humble opinion, for whatever its worth, guys who go for sex on the first date dont really consider you 'dating' material, but figure since youre both in the same place for probably the last time, might as well give it a shot. Ive never tried to sleep with a girl on the first date that I had any intentions of calling back for more than a FWB. This is exactly what I think. A guy pushes for sex on the first date because that is probably all he wanted in the first place. Some people, conversly, consider sex to be the ultimate way of bonding, and see nothing wrong with having it right off the bat. I know a guy who married a girl who he met having a 3-some with the night he met her. And most women would probably have just as equal of a chance of hitting the Megabucks as they would finding a guy that would marry them when he met them by banging them in a 3-some. I guess it can happen, seeing as this poster here has a buddy who did do this. But...for most women..good luck with that.
BCCA Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 This is exactly what I think. A guy pushes for sex on the first date because that is probably all he wanted in the first place. Yup, and this is why some women's arguements that 'if i had just made him wait longer' are pointless, because he wasnt interested in waiting or dating them in the first place. But...for most women..good luck with that. Same here with men, but to each their own. Ive asked him about it, and I guess the both are just really into sex and trying new things. Me? NO WAY!
Hkizzle Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Usually when women lose interest, they just walk away. When most men lose interest they then put women into the sex partner category and see if they can get some sex out of it before walking away. So in other words men pushing for sex on the first date have usually lost interest already.
GiveAndTake Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 IMO, men just want to have sex. However, they do NOT want a girlfriend that "gives it up" on the first date. So...They either can kill 2 birds with one stone (get sex and eliminate yet another "give it up" girl) OR, they have a potential girlfriend. I don't necessarily think that they lost interest. I just think they are catagorizing their dates. No matter how interesting the girl may seem to them, they still want to know the "truth".
Hkizzle Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 IMO, men just want to have sex. However, they do NOT want a girlfriend that "gives it up" on the first date. So...They either can kill 2 birds with one stone (get sex and eliminate yet another "give it up" girl) OR, they have a potential girlfriend. I don't necessarily think that they lost interest. I just think they are catagorizing their dates. No matter how interesting the girl may seem to them, they still want to know the "truth". Trust me, decent men and jerks think very differently. It's because women can't differentiate between the psychology and thinking processes between the two that they get screwed. Don't lump men together. Decent men don't use women for sex. Your average player wants a perfect woman, which is why he writes every woman off (but will still have sex with her) and is never interested, and the player isn't some evil repulsive being. He's the type of outgoing, confident, and fun guy that many women fall for, or he wouldn't be a player.
dreamergrl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I had sex on the first date with an ex. We where together for two years. We were also engaged to be married.
Hkizzle Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I had sex on the first date with an ex. We where together for two years. We were also engaged to be married. I know two women that actually married men they met in clubs and had sex with the first night they met. That doesn't mean it's the best strategy. People shouldn't use the exceptions to the rule to explain what works and what doesn't work. Also, every relationship either lasts forever or will end some day. Unless a person's aim is specifically to get a fling, there's no upside to certain strategies. The problem women (and many men) have isn't getting someone, it's keeping someone.
dreamergrl Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I know two women that actually married men they met in clubs and had sex with the first night they met. That doesn't mean it's the best strategy. People shouldn't use the exceptions to the rule to explain what works and what doesn't work. Also, every relationship either lasts forever or will end some day. Unless a person's aim is specifically to get a fling, there's no upside to certain strategies. The problem women (and many men) have isn't getting someone, it's keeping someone. I didn't say it was the best strategy, now did I? My point was/is that just because two people have sex right off the bat, doesn't mean they are just getting used for sex. It's likely, but not always the case.
audrey_1 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I have only had sex on a first date once. I am the one who initiated. We were together just over a year.
Hkizzle Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I didn't say it was the best strategy, now did I? My point was/is that just because two people have sex right off the bat, doesn't mean they are just getting used for sex. It's likely, but not always the case. Yeah but pointing out the exceptions to the rule is what gets people in trouble in the first place. It gives them false hope that low probability strategies will actually work. People can do whatever they like, but certain strategies work better. Also, even if people aren't specifically getting used for the sex, I think decent men just don't try it on on the first date. It's quite possible to get married to a player. Just because people marry or have a decent relationship for a few years, doesn't mean that guy doesn't have a character flaw and things won't break down years down the line.
caramel c Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Yeah but pointing out the exceptions to the rule is what gets people in trouble in the first place. It gives them false hope that low probability strategies will actually work. People can do whatever they like, but certain strategies work better. Also, even if people aren't specifically getting used for the sex, I think decent men just don't try it on on the first date. It's quite possible to get married to a player. Just because people marry or have a decent relationship for a few years, doesn't mean that guy doesn't have a character flaw and things won't break down years down the line. I agree 100%. Anybody can get married. Anybody!
carhill Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I've only felt that vibe once and, strangely, it was at my wedding reception IMO, if that's your MO, go for it. Me, I can't ever see myself getting sexual with a stranger.
silverfish Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I think its absolutely disgusting to screw a stranger. It's the anonymity that makes it exciting Seriously though...last first date sex I had led to 15 years together.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 My current boyfriend and I met with the sole purpose of having sex on the first date, and we have been together for a year and a half. On previous dates I've had sex on the first date and found that it made the guys more persistent. In fact in every case besides my current boyfriend, I ended things, as opposed to the guy. So everyone is different. It's also partially that a big part of what I want is sex, especially early on, so maybe I think too much like a guy to contribute to this conversation.
Hkizzle Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 On previous dates I've had sex on the first date and found that it made the guys more persistent. In fact in every case besides my current boyfriend, I ended things, as opposed to the guy. You're the stronger one in these relationships, that's why the guys became more persistent. The one that loves the least has the most power. The two women I knew that got married to the guys from the clubs didn't give a crap, and that's why the men chased them. Although I wouldn't say that's a good model for any relationship. When it comes to alpha males, and jerks, not giving a crap is the way to get them interested.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Isn't the point of sex, to share your feelings for one another after you know at least their last name. No way on first date, you know someone at ALL. I do not get it, but do as you please. When you're in love with someone, absolutely. Otherwise, the point of sex is mere physical pleasure and gratification. Mmmmm mmm mmm.
carhill Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 It is possible, though very unlikely, that the erstwhile sexual partners know each other well prior to 'dating'. I can think of a few exceptions I'd like to explore Seriously, everyone's intimacy styles are different. My stbx saw sex as a recreational activity. Something to do after the romance novel and before snoring. Nothing wrong with that. More likely to do it on the first date that way. Me, I need a bit of foreplay, like a name and some aural stimulation
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