Kristy19 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I met this guy in the military and we really like each other. There are a few hurdles like the fact that he's 3 hours away from me and if we start to date he wouldn't get to see me all the time. I told him I know that and it comes with the job. Well we've gotten really close and he's told me that he falls harder and harder for me everyday. He wanted to visit me but even before things were getting into relationship level I had told him that September was a really busy month for me and things usually don't calm down til October. He told he understood that and that I would just have to set a date and let him know. Well I finally have a free weekend but every time I call him he doesn't pick up and if does he sounds like he doesn't want to talk to me at all. This past weekend I had a friend's wedding and the last time we talked he said that he doesn't want to talk on the phone for 3 months and not meet me. I understand that and I don't want that either. He's also said that every time he has a free weekend I come up with reasons to why I can't see him. I've told him that everything that's been going on this month was planned long before we started talking especially the two wedding I'm in. I just can't cancel on my responsibilities. Ever since then I feel like he's avoiding me. I tried calling him yesterday night and today and when I called him yesterday his phone rang 3 times then said call ended he never picked up though so that leaves me thinking that he rejected my call. I don't know what to do about this situation so can anyone give me advice on what to do about it?
vanilla87 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I do have a question before I give some advice... Does he have a deployment date any time in the next 3 months? If so that would explain his behavior on the phone with you. Anyway, I've dealt withe some guy friends from the military, more so the army then any other branch. Basically they are trained to not be as open or as emotionally available to the civilians in their life, because if they are going to war and they get over there, they will get distracted or worse the enemy will take what they see and use it against the soldier. Thats why so many when they come back are not the same or just very quiet or angry. So yeah he could be training right now how to be unemotional and is having a hard time adjusting to his training from it. Next time you talk to ask him if he is training for something that is taking all his time and energy up. Plus they work long hours especially if they were given a specific field for their career in the military. If you have any questions regarding military stuff and how it affects friends and families, give me a holler on here, I'll be glad to respond with what I know...
Bearandsue Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Well I think that if you really want to give this relationship a shot you might have to sacrifice a day and try and see him. I can understand where he is coming from because I met my hubby online and when something came in the way of us not meeting then its very disappointing and you begin to question the other person's interest/commitment. Are you busy every single day? Its just a 3 hours away surely you can work something out.
TMichaels Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I would say the ball's in his court now, Kristy19. You've tried to call him and for whatever reason you can't get through. If he wants to continue, he needs to make an effort. However, as Bearandsue pointed out, you need to make an effort as well if this is going to work. If he gets in contact, it would probably behoove you to try and rearrange your schedule so the two of you could meet -- at least this next time. It would stress your original point -- that you have a very busy schedule -- but you are interested in making time for him. Welcome to LS, BTW! HTH. TMichaels
Author Kristy19 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Vanilla87, He's a naval officer but he's told that he has to got out to see in Decemember.
vanilla87 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Vanilla87, He's a naval officer but he's told that he has to got out to see in Decemember. Ahh thats why he is being "mean". He is trying to push you awhile little by little so it doesn't hurt as much when he is gone for lengthy periods at a time. He could be in no contact for like 3-6 months if he is out at sea. I have a friend who is married to someone in the navy and its not easy. They just got relocated closer to where they both grew up (new york), so its been a little better, but yeah. Anyway, he probably doesn't want it to turn into a situation where you get sad and worry too much about him while he is away. He probably is hoping you won't get too attached. Being in the military is not easy. Its not just a job, its a way of living once you are sworn in. Just let him know that while he is away that he always has someone to talk to, even as a friend. Also find out if you can write him, cause not only can you send him mail, but maybe even a care package to let him know that people back home still miss him. They do like getting stuff thats familiar in their life from home. But you should try and see him if he is okay with it. I completely understand where his mind set is on this so don't get too offend by his reaction to being distant. He'll be okay once he has it all straighten out. I bet you he has no clue where he is even being stationed yet and if he does he won't ever tell you for security and safety reasons. But give it time and he'll be okay. Its how the military life is...
Author Kristy19 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Well he said its only for a week.
vanilla87 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Well he said its only for a week. Hmm, interesting... okay question, before you met him did he have anyone important back home that he was romantically involved with at one point? if so that could be the problem... The other thing could be that there is a family situation back home and its taking up his mind and is emotionally effected. Or he is just too busy with what's going on base for him. Either way he seems mentally and physically busy from work on base right now. Also how old are both of you anyway? just curious...
Author Kristy19 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I'm almost 20 and he just turned 22. The last time he had a girl was back in january but he told me that his ex girlfriend's mother has been begging him to get back with her but he doesn't want to because she just wants sex from him.
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