Ladies: do you ever think about other guys other than your bf?

[Trialbyfire]

I once had a dream about grogster on LS. He told me his name was Orange and that he enjoyed spear-fishing. Then he ran off with a spear in his hand, jumping over the railing to go spear some fish.

 

I could probably guess what this dream means but my guess could easily be wrong, just as her dream shouldn't be interpreted in the worst possible light.

[Isolde]

:lmao: about grogster

[SpanksTheMonkey]

In my experiences if she was seriously considering anything with the guy she wouldn't have spilled the beans so to speak. Real cheaters don't broadcast their intentions! they just do it.

 

No I think your just fine she seams to have a conscious and loves only you thats why she had to tell some one because she feels bad. No worries there my friend I doubt your going to lose her and epically to your friend who you admittedly said doesn't fancy her so calm down..

[SoulSearch_CO]

When I'm really deeply in love with my man, other men pale in comparison. So having sexual thoughts about somebody IRL that's close...no. That's gross. Even if I might SEE a good-looking guy, I can appreciate the view, but to think of having sex with them is out of the question. It just doesn't happen. I'm with others that have mentioned harmless flirting - yes, I can do that. But your GF is going beyond that and I agree that boundary setting would be a good idea.

[GiveAndTake]

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I still imagine having sex with others on occasion. I would never do it but I fantasize here and there.

 

It means nothing. At least to me it doesn't.

 

Also, in the past, I've been attracted to my girlfriend's guy. I'm attracted to many people.

 

Attraction does not make a relationship.

 

If we all acted upon our thoughts, we'd be humping like monkeys in the wild.

[likestolaugh]

these have all been excellent points... thanks ladies!

[fawn]

If she is honest with you chances are she will not and go act on it. Now if she is secretive and keeps it to herself then you got something to worry about, as thats a cheater in the making. Talk it over with her and maybe she is just as confused as you are.

[GorillaTheater]

I enjoy interacting with men, even to the point of light-hearted flirting. This doesn't mean I would ever go beyond what my man and I have discussed, as our relationship boundaries. Once you get into the realm of strong crushes where you're flirting with intent, you've got a problem.

 

At the risk of threadjacking, I had to comment on this since this is something I've given some thought to lately.

 

I've (very) lightly flirted with some women, because I don't feel that "tug" of attraction. I flirt because I know it's safe, that I'M "safe". But there are occasions when I DO feel that tug, and I don't allow myself to flirt at all. Because frankly I do not wholly trust myself, or at least my emotions.

[samspade]

when you have a bf you love, do you ever think at all about other guys?

 

my gf and I love each other (this I am certain of). However I know (through a friend who overheard her talking to her best friend) that she's attracted to one of my good friends... that she finds him to have a certain charm about him. She's apparently had a "slightly" erotic dream involving him. There's apparently another guy (whom I don't know) she dreamed kissed her and she liked it, but knew in the dream that she was with me. She apparently found these dreams to be bizarre.... I guess she didn't know what to make of them. In the case of my friend, I know that them being together would never work out anyway (he having to patience for people with the personality of my gf... I don't think he likes her personally very much)

 

I know that my gf would never cheat on me, and that she includes me in her future plans... but I can't help but feel unsettled by all this. Things have really just been getting better and better with us though (she's very affectionate and all that), so I maybe shouldn't worry. She apparently feels bad that she had these thoughts, as he's my friend, and he has a really nice gf as well.

 

I know it's wrong to ask her if she's attracted to my friend... but damn, it's hard not to.

 

we're both in our mid twenties.

 

She has a subconscious desire to cheat on you. OR there is a possibility she already has. Either way, her telling you this information has a purpose. Perhaps she is testing your reaction, to see how calm or upset you be. Perhaps she is serving notice that you have a rival - a jealousy test - expecting you to jump through hoops for her and be the better man. But believe me, she had a reason for telling you - otherwise, ask yourself, what good could possibly come of it? A woman with high interest will not share this kind of information and jeopardize her stability with her man, unless she is unintelligent. I know if I had a dream like that, I'd respect my GF enough not to tell her - and I'd expect the same in return.

 

Either way, you are in a pickle. If it comes up again (don't bring it up yourself), calmly remind her that if it ever happened, your relationship is over.

 

Or, since she is divulging private thoughts, next time say to her, "well, I've been having some nasty dreams about your sister/best friend."

 

Be ready and willing to dump if you are sensing anything awry.

[Trialbyfire]

At the risk of threadjacking, I had to comment on this since this is something I've given some thought to lately.

 

I've (very) lightly flirted with some women, because I don't feel that "tug" of attraction. I flirt because I know it's safe, that I'M "safe". But there are occasions when I DO feel that tug, and I don't allow myself to flirt at all. Because frankly I do not wholly trust myself, or at least my emotions.

That's one way to ensure that you won't get involved in an extra-marital scenario which I can strongly respect. Not everyone is like this, whereby many believe they've got the strength to resist and then subsequently cross the line of lightly flirting, to flirting with intent. If the other party reciprocates the attraction, they're in deep kimchi.

 

If you read the OW/OM forum of this site, you can see how if you get embroiled in this situation with someone who doesn't respect relationship boundaries of others, just believing that self is of utmost importance, it's too easy for an affair or cheating to happen.

[Mahatma]

Alright, first off ...

 

you heard a rumor about what she said.

 

When stories get told, they lose their original meaning sometimes and get twisted unintentionally or intentionally.

 

I had a dream where I once kissed a girl that I was dating before I met my current girlfriend. I wanted to kiss her in the dream. I woke up... totally repulsed at myself. I couldn't believe I cheated on my girlfriend in my dream (kissing is cheating in my opinion).

 

This didn't change my actual thoughts of my girlfriend.

 

Have you ever seen a girl on the street and thought about how hot she was? I know I have plenty of times while dating my girlfriend. I see my girlfriend and think the same thing about how hot she is and what I wanna do to her. People are just attracted to other people. To think attraction just shuts off when in a relationship is just ignorant. It is the acting, which many have said, that is the problem.

 

I have even seen women who are more physically attractive than my girlfriend to me, but me and my girlfriend share more than physical attraction. She knows me so well, she knows all my likes and dislikes, she is just perfect for me. So when I see another beautiful woman, maybe even more physically attractive than my girlfriend, I acknowledge she is beautiful, she may even slip into one of my dreams, but all of that will never compare to the reality of the relationship between me and my woman.

[Die Hard]

She has a subconscious desire to cheat on you. OR there is a possibility she already has. Either way, her telling you this information has a purpose. Perhaps she is testing your reaction, to see how calm or upset you be. Perhaps she is serving notice that you have a rival - a jealousy test - expecting you to jump through hoops for her and be the better man. But believe me, she had a reason for telling you - otherwise, ask yourself, what good could possibly come of it? A woman with high interest will not share this kind of information and jeopardize her stability with her man, unless she is unintelligent. I know if I had a dream like that, I'd respect my GF enough not to tell her - and I'd expect the same in return.

 

Either way, you are in a pickle. If it comes up again (don't bring it up yourself), calmly remind her that if it ever happened, your relationship is over.

 

Or, since she is divulging private thoughts, next time say to her, "well, I've been having some nasty dreams about your sister/best friend."

 

Be ready and willing to dump if you are sensing anything awry.

 

I'm guessing reading comprehension isn't one of your strong points? Read first, THEN post advice. It never ceases to amaze me that folks will so quickly post advice and not even bother to see what subject(or the DETAILS) they are advising on.

[Lish]

If it's at the dating stage, then yes.

 

If i'm in a relationship (ie, exclusive).. No. Well I guess it's a bit stupid to say that as I don't date more than one guy at a time... but I think you know what I mean... i hope =/

[samspade]

I'm guessing reading comprehension isn't one of your strong points? Read first, THEN post advice. It never ceases to amaze me that folks will so quickly post advice and not even bother to see what subject(or the DETAILS) they are advising on.

 

Hi Die Hard,

 

Fair enough, I didn't catch that the whole anecdote came through a mutual friend (I thought she told him about the dream directly). What can I say...I'm at work and not paying full attention.

 

OP:

 

Do NOT bring up your friend or the dream or any of that. You will come across as an insecure wuss - huge turnoff. She's going to meet people who will make her vagina tingle all of her life. The important thing is that YOU be the one she wants to stay with. If you sense her interest in you is truly waning, cut her off, but until then, stay the confident guy who attracted her.

 

Oh, and don't every be afraid to lose ANYONE. Instead, always be willing to walk away. Knowing that you will be okay without her will help you keep your sense of perspective when little jealousy issues come up.

[likestolaugh]

thanks.

 

 

I'm most likely never going to mention it too her I think. We're at a happy place in our relationship right now, and I'd rather not to anything to ruin that.

 

I don't know if I'm really afraid of losing her actually... I can do just fine without her, but I'm much better with her.

[Die Hard]

Hi Die Hard,

 

Fair enough, I didn't catch that the whole anecdote came through a mutual friend (I thought she told him about the dream directly). What can I say...I'm at work and not paying full attention.

 

It's cool I was just yanking your chain anyway

 

I do agree with your revised advice with one caveat: IF the OP is ever going to mntion this to his GF he needs to do it NOW, or don't EVER do it. My concern is the OP is going to be watching how his friend and GF interact from this point forward. If he were to see her flirt with him and THEN tell her he knows about the dream etc., he would come across even worse by appearing so insecure that he kept it from her and "watched" her interactions with the friend. So my advice is to keep it to yourself but only if you can let it go for good. I personally don't see any issues with dreams of this nature and you either trust your GF or you don't. If this happened in reverse with my GF I would want her to tell me right away she heard about my dream, or never mention it to me at all. I'd feel as if she had been testing me and not trusting me if I found out later on.

[Die Hard]

Oh and Lish, you're hot as ****!! Damn!!