DidiLU Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Just a quick question. I met a lovely man a few weeks ago, we've seen each other 3 times and all 3 have been wonderful. I guess what I'm not sure about is he only talks to me leading up to us meeting ( the day of ) otherwise we don't communicate. Now this guy isn't a player- he's straight up nice and very chill, just very busy, great work ethic, solid group of friends, lives in the city and loves it, plays in a band- he leads a full life. How do I ask him what level he wants me on? How do I ask him what his "rules" are? The last thing I want is to push him away, make him feel pressure, or run. So how do you ask a simple question without causing confusion?
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I think he's just playing the game, making himself not-too-available. And you should too.
Thaddeus Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I don't know if I agree with my friend Kizik here, I don't necessarily see it as any sort of game. I suppose it's possible, but it's good that the guy's got a full life. It's very early days in the relationship, much too soon to be talking of exclusivity and all the rest. Give it at least another month before you start those sorts of discussions.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Where did she say anything about exclusivity? Dude's got a life, isn't too available, but still makes the dates. I don't see a problem here.
Author DidiLU Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I don't think he's playing a game. He's really good with telling me what's he's up to and until there's reason- I trust him. I didn't mean asking about being exclusive, I agree its very early. Maybe I should rephrase this. Just can't figure out how. I guess its comes down to this: how do make sure he continues to be interested without overdoing communication? I don't text or call unless I need to and he does the same. but with so many days of no communication- I wonder if he'll "forget" about me.
Thaddeus Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Where did she say anything about exclusivity?You're right, I had made an assumption, obviously incorrect, about that. Dude's got a life, isn't too available, but still makes the dates. I don't see a problem here.Agreed.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 how do make sure he continues to be interested without overdoing communication? He goes on dates with you, right? You guys have fun? Then RELAX!
Kamille Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Do you call, email or text him on the days after the dates to thank him for the dates? Insert a comment in those that might get him to banter back. And, I don't think it's at all innapropriate to gage early on if you two are dating for some the same reason. That conversation has usually happened for me within the first few dates. I would even recommand having it before you get attached, that way you two can speak about it without there being emotional stakes. (I usually say I'm dating in the hopes of finding that special person. Note: my dates have usually brought up that topic)
Shygirl15 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I think he's multidating. How old is he?
Author DidiLU Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Agreed- I am relaxed and will continue at this pace Thank you. No I don't send follow up msgs, I just tell him while I see him that I've had a good time. I would say we are both individuals who are dating but I wouldn't put that title on "us" if that makes sense. However, I am not going to date others as well- I find for myself it just complicates this. I'm a one man kind of woman. We're both 30.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I'm with Kamille about the follow-up messages. "Hey, thanks for dinner, had a great time." Nothing big, and a good way to gauge his interest. If he texts back - good! If not, maybe he's a flake.
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