writergal Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I recently went on another 1st date with another man I met on match.com. We had decided to meet at a coffee shop near a park in my neighborhood. I decided to wait for him outside the coffee shop, since it was a beautiful day, so I sat and waited at a table. A few minutes later I see him walking towards me down the street. Here's when I almost wanted to get up and run back to my apt; when he got closer to the coffee shop...he started skipping. Wtf?! He's also 38 as well. But skipping? Omg, first of all, my 9 year old niece skips. But, I've never seen a grown man, and a straight man at that, skip before. Granted, I know several men who are dads to young children and even they don't skip! So I thought, oh good lord, here we go. Well, I went ahead and got coffee with him. We went across the street to the park and walked around and talking. At one point in the conversation, which was going surprisingly well, he mentioned another thing that made me judge him; he has more women than men friends, because he gets along with women better than men. Again, I thought this guy has to be gay! Why am I being so judgmental? I'm not a totally shallow person, but c'mon, this seems really strange to me. The men I've known growing up who've had more women than men for friends, have been gay, or had really severe mother-son issues. So, as he was telling me these details about his life, I couldn't help but judgmental. Then I made the worst mistake; I started comparing him to my ex, who by all accounts is the total opposite because he is a total jock and has lots of men for friends. At the end of our coffee date, I was especially shocked when he asked if he could kiss me. He said he was really attracted to me and wanted to see me again. Again, in my mind I was comparing him side-by-side to my ex. If I wasn't so hung up on the fact that he has more women than men for friends, I could overlook his effeminate side (the image of him skipping still makes me cringe b/c c'mon that is just odd) because I do like this guy. But I'm comparing him to my ex, because I know on some level I am more attracted to men with my ex-bf's qualities. Am I being too judgmental? Would you date a man who skipped? I am a very open minded woman but in this case, I just find that odd. He even addressed my concern without me asking him, when he commented at one point on our walk, "when I saw you, I just felt compelled to skip, and then I immediately regret it b/c I thought you might think I was weird." I lied and said "oh no, it's not a big deal" when clearly, I think it is weird.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Yes, he is probably gay. No, normal grown men do not skip. I do not think you are being judgmental, you are simply noticing some big red flags.
stillafool Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 :lmao::lmao:Oh my goodness I laughed until I cried at the "skipping. :lmao:Oh my God, I don't know what he was doing unless it was he way of getting in some exercise. :lmao:But still, he must have known you would think he was some kind of nut! Okay, I'm getting myself together now. As far as him having a lot of female friends - I don't think that's a gay trait unless he likes doing things women do. I've known a lot of "playa's" who have nothing but female friends also, if you know what I mean. But the skipping has got to stop!:lmao:
Trialbyfire Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Neither are gay traits. He sounds a little eccentric with a quirky sense of humour. If you're not attracted to him, disconnect. If you are attracted to him, why not get to know him a little better? If your gaydar continues whooping, it's time to disconnect.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Neither are gay traits. OK, glad that's settled. If you're not attracted to him, disconnect. Must. Obey. Orders.
Author writergal Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Well if he's not gay then he's really eccentric. He's the one who initiated contact with me by sending me the 1st email on match.com. So of course I wanted to give him a chance b/c I liked some things in his profile. I know its so trite to say but dating can be such a game of chance. Do you want to know what else he told me on our walk-and-talk coffee date that gives me something to think about? He said that 1 of his sisters (he has 2) "came out" in her mid-20s, but then a decade later got married to a man and had 2 children, because, as he put it, she said "I"m not getting any younger, and I want to have children and be married." Huh? I see sexuality as black and white; you're either gay or straight. The fact that she shifted her sexuality to start a family, seems really out of whack to me. Also, his parents divorced when he was 12. His step sister used to physically beat him up, until his older sister mader her stop. Oh, and now his mother has been dating the same man for 20 years but won't get married again, and this past year, his mother, her boyfriend and his father and his stepmother all celebrate the holidays together. I should also mention that his best friend is a gay man, who was killed in a car accident. The reason he brought this up was because the accident occured near the park where we were walking, and that was the first time he'd been in the park, since the accident. I wouldn't be so obsessive over 1 date, were it not for the fact that I had go and google my ex-bf afterward, only to learn he's moved to another part of the state for a new job (that was covered by that city's local media). At least I don't have to worry about running into him at his apt. bldg where my graduate school classmate also lives. Now add 2 nights of insomnia to this mix, due to the humid weather in my city and my inability to sleep because of the humidity combined with my stress over dating, this being the first week of my fall semester in grad. school. So I have different stressors pulling my focus in too many directions, all away from what's most important - focusing on my grad school studies. I'm just disappointed that this new match.com is so odd i.e. the whole skipping thing, and more women then men for friends thing. What if he is a player, and not gay, and that's why he gets along with women better? God only knows. Do I care? Eh. I do and I don't. He's attractive, intelligent, has a stable job, travels a lot out of the country, and can kiss really well (yes, I let him kiss me, I admit it, despite everything). Once the humid weather goes away and I get my normal sleep schedule back, I'm sure I"ll go back to this point and cringe; wondering why I posted about something so trivial as a grown man skipping. Although I'm sure I"m not the only one to encounter such "eccentric" behavior on a 1st (and possibly last) date. If I do go on a 2nd date I will post here about it if its even more strange.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Players don't "get along with women better". They lead them on better, screw them quicker, and get rid of them faster. There is NOTHING about Skipper that indicates "player".
Star Gazer Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I don't think sexuality is black and white, but there is no question in my mind that he's on the gay side of the Kinsey scale.
Trialbyfire Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 In reference to his sister, don't forget about bi-sexuality. It's not impossible that he also swings both ways. He doesn't sound like the average man. But then, not everyone is. Trust in your gaydar.
stillafool Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Players don't "get along with women better". They lead them on better, screw them quicker, and get rid of them faster. There is NOTHING about Skipper that indicates "player". Who said they did? I said they have a lot of female "friends", if you know what I mean.
kizik Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Who said they did? The OP seems to think players get along with women better than their guy friends. Nope, that's gay guys you're thinking of.
stillafool Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 The OP seems to think players get along with women better than their guy friends. Nope, that's gay guys you're thinking of. Forget it. You still don't no what I'm talking about.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 LOL@ the skipping. I don't know - I'm into quirky humor. The skipping wouldn't have bothered me. I guess I also don't see a big deal in the women friends thing. Did he FEEL gay when you kissed him? I can't believe I just asked that. I guess the reason I did is I was thinking of that scene from Bedazzled when gay Brendan Frasier kissed the woman and they both knew at that point that he was gay. I would imagine that to kiss somebody that doesn't have attraction to your sex, there would be zero sparks. I kissed a girl once - no tongue - both of us completely straight. There was zero spark. LOL
Rebellious Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Male vs female friendship varies in different cultures, so I wouldn't read too much into it. But in nature, stallions and territorial males in general, associate only with females.
KS882 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Sorry but I had to laugh at the skipping. Reminds me of a few weekends ago. My friend came to stay and we went to the beach. Were watching this very masculine looking guy exercising, jogging, doing stretches etc. Then he gets up on this bit off wall and skips along it! I haven't seen any guy skip sinceI was about 5! Guess that's me being a bit judgemental too.
GiveAndTake Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I think it's possible that the skipping was just his way of trying to be funny and/or different. If I were you, I'd bring up the skipping thing next time you talk. I only say that because it sounds as if you won't get past it otherwise. You can say something like "Well, you sure know how to kiss but the truth is, the skipping threw me off a bit." Then giggle a little. He'll probably explain himself at that point. As far as the female friends, I don't think that's an indicator of homosexuality or promiscuity. There were many years in my life that my friends were primarily male. I am neither gay or a "playa" as everyone puts it.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 Male vs female friendship varies in different cultures, so I wouldn't read too much into it. But in nature, stallions and territorial males in general, associate only with females. And they're getting action from pretty much every single one of those females. Bad example to ease her mind.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted September 16, 2009 Posted September 16, 2009 . I would imagine that to kiss somebody that doesn't have attraction to your sex, there would be zero sparks. I kissed a girl once - no tongue - both of us completely straight. There was zero spark. LOL You foxy thing you! lol.. :laugh: Sorry but I had to laugh at the skipping. Reminds me of a few weekends ago. My friend came to stay and we went to the beach. Were watching this very masculine looking guy exercising, jogging, doing stretches etc. Then he gets up on this bit off wall and skips along it! I haven't seen any guy skip sinceI was about 5! Guess that's me being a bit judgemental too. This thread has cracked me up! did he have a may pole as well? or a candy striped jump rope? OMG gaydar almost made me piss my pants! thanks guys..
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