KelseyJere Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I am a senior in college and Im 21. My boyfriend is 22. He graduates in December and I graduate later in May. Right when my boyfriend and I started dating, which was 7 months ago, his ex and him were flirting on Facebook. It looked like they had a falling out previously and they started talking again. We werent exclusive at this point and I was getting ready to study abroad for 4 months so I didnt care. Though she initiated this flirting, it stopped a few weeks later. I found out later she got a boyfriend at this time. Then I left to study abroad. We got very attached and became official. I know that is weird, its usually the opposite when people go far away, but it was a nice surprise since I wasnt expecting him to wait for me by any means. However, 2 months into this his ex got dumped and sent my bf an email saying "Lets get married when we're 26 and single, we can work out our long distance fighting problems" He went and hung out with her. He said he couldnt say no when she asked and was being nice. He said he told her about me. The next month she sends a bunch of emails saying "whatchu doin?" basically and he said he told her he was seeing me and ignored her. Fast forward another 3 1/2 months, which was 3 weeks ago. She wrote on his Facebook wall saying "sorry I didnt reply on Twitter I dont know how to use it!" I dont have Twitter or understand it but we were def together at the time this happened and he obviously tried to talk to her. Then me and my bf fought about the ex. He says he cant remember everything he said to her and when, this was when I brought up the flirting on Facebook and Twitter comment. He said she was crazy and upset with the "marriage" email. He said that she trusts him and hes not going to be a jerk and ignore her. He called me crazy. He then responded to her Facebook wall post the day. It was innocent saying dont worry Twitter is confusing but still he knew how much it bothered me. I said something to him- he says Im not going to ignore her Im being polite. I said if he keeps lying to me about stuff with her Im done with him. He wanted to drop this, I did, though I didnt feel better about it. However, a week ago I found out something. I went to this meeting for school. There, I met this girl and when she found out who my boyfriend was we had this long, awkward and intense conversation. This girl confessed to me she briefly dated my bf a year ago. She got pissed at something he did after they ended it and was mad at him. She fake IMed my bf on AOL right when we started dating, pretending to be his ex gf. She didnt know he even had an ex gf at the time but she just wanted to mess with him. My bf, before he figured out who it was and thought it was his ex, said "Ive never stopped loving you and I never fully got over you" a few times. Like I said, this was right around the time he asked me out and started dating me. I am 100% sure this girl isnt lying. She admitted she was crazy and really regrets doing all this. Through her, I found out that my bf's ex dumped him a year before this Fake IM incident. The ex found out about this joke, how this girl pretended to be her, and IMed this crazy girl the next day. That causes my bf and his ex to start talking again I guess, which is right when we started dating. Then she added him on Facebook and they started flirting, so I was right when I thought it seemed like they started talking again. Now that Ive found out about the "I cant get over you" comments and I have thought about it for a week...I cant let this go. My boyfriend is not expressive with his feelings, so if he said that to "her" on AIM he must have meant it. I also know from experiences that feelings like that take awhile to fade. He usually treats me well. My friends have commented he seems to like me alot and his friends tell me all the time he really likes me. But it looks like I was right the entire time and he told me I was crazy. I know it was awhile ago, 7 months, when he said this- and without all the other stuff with her and him I think I would let it go. But I always felt something was off with him and her and was waiting for something to happen. I also know this happened way before I said "you lie about something with her and Im done with you" so I feel like I cant break up with him right away. Yesterday he actually kinda blew me off for the first time. We were suppose to go to dinner bc he told me yesterday he wanted to. I waited for his call around dinner but he didnt call. My friends were planning on going out and I wanted to go. I called my bf but he didnt pick up. I assumed I was going with him and told my friends to leave without me. Then he called and said "Oh yeah sorry think tonight is going to be a guys night out" I got mad, and though he said "sorry I should have told u sooner" I finally blew up and sent him a very long email explaining the whole fake IM thing and saying basically everything Im saying here (his phone was off he was at the movies) and Im not sure I can let go of his "Im not over you" comments. I said I wanted to take a break kind of, like not talk for at least a week because Im so upset with him and I think he should think too. The problem is in 10 days I am suppose to leave and go to his hometown for a few days so I can be his date for his sisters' wedding, so we either need to be together or broken up by then. I have been a mess. I cant stop crying. On the one hand, I am so incredibly hurt about this but at the same time I am in love with him and this is the first time Ive felt this way. I dont LOVE him yet, we havent been together (in person...not distance) for that long. If I break up with him Im going to be so depressed. I cant imagine him being on campus for the rest of the semester and us not being together. Theres a small chance Id stay with him, depending on what he says after a week when we talk. But I dont know what I want him to say to make me feel better- I have no idea what I should lay down and if he doesnt do that, then leave him. Please help me, Im young and naiive. This is my 2nd serious relationship and I have no idea what to do!
Recommended Posts