itsyehboy Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 summary: i've dated this girl for 4 months. I'm 21 and she's 22. she loved me dearly. we argue almost every week about little things and my anger issues always made me say "i want to break up" over and over. 6 times now. i want her back but she doesnt want to get back because constantly breaking up with her has lead to the conclusion that i dont take her seriously. the last time we got back she told me the next time we break up, it would be for real...i dont know what to do now. she insists on being just friends. she knows i love her and genuinely care for her. Just the other night, she knew i was out in the town and i was texting a friend who happened to be at the same bar as her. i guess they talked about me but i never showed up, so SHE texts me "why didnt you come?" what does this mean? Then last night, i told her if she wants to be friends she has to allow me time to get over her. and by her trying to contact me is kind of a way to draw me back into her. so i told her "is this what you want? us never getting back together?" she paused and didnt really answer the question, she just said..."i wont bother you anymore." she picks up whenever i call or text her when before she never did after we broke up. im committed to getting over her. but until then she has me...im going to NC and going out more to make her jealous. question: does she still want to be with me? if you have or had a similar situation let me know how it went. thanks! Ladies, what are your opinions with what i did?
john1988 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Use NC to heal, don't waste ur time making her jealous etc these games will get you nowhere, unless she is battering your door down then she doesn't want to try again, don't answer drunken texts, confusing texts, phonecalls they are all feelers to keep you hanging on, move on with your life keep yourself busy.
Beeotch Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Use NC to heal, don't waste ur time making her jealous etc these games will get you nowhere, unless she is battering your door down then she doesn't want to try again, don't answer drunken texts, confusing texts, phonecalls they are all feelers to keep you hanging on, move on with your life keep yourself busy. HE is the one who messed up...this girl has every right to be skeptical about him even if she does want him back. I am sorry...but I find that these run of the mill answers that people give on LS to every single person sometimes make NO SENSE...it is just a broken record and really does not apply to the specific situation. In the case that someone dumped you....then it makes sense to say what you said...but if you broke up with them SIX TIMES because of petty arguments...how dare you act like the victim now? Not to say they have a license to lead you on now o treat you like crap...but it seems perfectly logical as to why she would be iffy about him. If YOU messed up and KNOW it...as the OP does, then the onus is on YOU to do something about it. His ex is responding to the stuff HE DID and he already admitted it...she had enough of him. So I think it makes more sense to advice him to work on himself and realize he CANNOT play around with people's feelings instead of branding her as the evil, manipulative ex who is just leading him on for her ego's sake (which is the type-casted role that LS puts on every single dumper when realistically it is highly unlikely that they are ALL this way)
Author itsyehboy Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 thanks. it might be too late but i really love this girl, i just regret doing what i did. i know it's my fault. and if she doesnt want to get back, i understand. but i wish i had another shot at it all...
Extract Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 People don't realize what they've lost til its too late..
ReturnToSender Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Hrmm...you keep breaking up with her, and now you want to hurt her by making her jealous so that she will come back to you? Question: Do *you* want to be with her? At what point are you going to stop messing with her head?
patkirk Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I agree with Beeotch, NC doesn't sound like the way to go in this situation. Take some time and find out if you really want to be with this girl, or why you keep breaking up with her, its not fair trying to get back into a relationship and as soon as you do feel like you don't want to be with her again. It's up to you to prove to her that you've changed and honestly want to be with her. I had this same problem with an ex, when I was with her I couldn't stand her, but the moment we broke up, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I came to find out that I have commitment phobia, that was the root of the problem and I've been working on it since. Take a good look at yourself and fix the problem first. Because commitment phobics tend to act the same way, once in the relationship don't feel so good, after a break up they can't stop wanting their ex back.
Author itsyehboy Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 thank you all for your replies. i do want to be with this girl, she's not trashy, she's finished with school, and really ambitious. and i admire all of that. i thought about reasons why i constantly break up with her, i dont do it to hurt her or mindf*ck her, i really dont. usually i break up with her whenever she starts making negative comments about me or the relationship. when she does this, in all honesty, it scares me. i dont want to be the one getting dumped so i do the dumping... it could be do to my other ex who cheated on me and dumped me...it left me feeling unworthy for anyone.
john1988 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 HE is the one who messed up...this girl has every right to be skeptical about him even if she does want him back. I am sorry...but I find that these run of the mill answers that people give on LS to every single person sometimes make NO SENSE...it is just a broken record and really does not apply to the specific situation. In the case that someone dumped you....then it makes sense to say what you said...but if you broke up with them SIX TIMES because of petty arguments...how dare you act like the victim now? Not to say they have a license to lead you on now o treat you like crap...but it seems perfectly logical as to why she would be iffy about him. If YOU messed up and KNOW it...as the OP does, then the onus is on YOU to do something about it. His ex is responding to the stuff HE DID and he already admitted it...she had enough of him. So I think it makes more sense to advice him to work on himself and realize he CANNOT play around with people's feelings instead of branding her as the evil, manipulative ex who is just leading him on for her ego's sake (which is the type-casted role that LS puts on every single dumper when realistically it is highly unlikely that they are ALL this way) It's not a run of the mill answer it's the way I believe to go, this isn't working so he has to get over her.
Recommended Posts