6 years and a baby. he left me. doesnt want to be in a relationship right now.

[caseymw25]

Hi first time posting. well heres my story me and my ex have been together for 6 years we fought to be with each other in the beginning for racial reasons. but i was only 17 so after awhile the family finally took him in. hes just half mexican. no biggie. but anyways he just broke up with me a month ago i will say that before that i broke up with him a couple of times and took him back, i would say i was just frusterated we had just had our baby. he had no job and we lived with my mom. i finally kicked him out to where he now lives with his parents. about 2 miles away. but we were together. i treated him like crap after the baby didnt think about his feelings and was just frusterated. our son is now 9 months old. well he just started community college and broke up with me in his 2nd semester hes about to be 27 im 23. it was a month ago he broke up with me, i broke! i couldnt believe it i had i guess came to realize what i had done and how i had acted and me crying and i have done the begging the letters emails etc. pushed him away further. he says he doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone at all at the moment. about 2 weeks ago i went through our phone bill online and discovered he was talking to another girl. he goes to school with. wrong thing to do. i called her. started some big time drama. he did admit they did some thing. not sex. but he says there just friends. she wants him and he doesnt want her. he doesnt want anyone. we were going to work it out but i made a mistake by texting her and she threating me and telling him she would flatten his tires. so he came over yesterday i guess to finally get it through my head that were done for now, but what i dont understand is he tells me he loves me and is still in love with me but doesnt want to be in a realationship right now. but he can hang out with her and i can do whatever i want. i just dont get it. he says he doesnt have the realationship feelings for me right now. but hes in love with me? he says maybe one day when he wants to be back in a relationship that i will be the first person he comes to. and i love him so much i swear im willing to wait. but im so confused i want my family back. i dont want to have another man and my son have a step daddy. i dont want any of that. i love him so much 6 years now. im so torn. what do i do? i cant go NC cause we have a baby and he says he wants us to be friends and that maybe ya know we will be back together one day. it hurts but what do i do??? whats going through his mind? i know i hurt him i guess its karma. i just want my man back. my family. he told me yesterday that love is like a boomarang. guess thats true? he said in the future that if im with someone else that he realizes that he made a huge mistake but for now he doesnt want to be with anyone. i need help coping. he says he needs to focus on school and getting his act together and i guess he felt he couldnt do that with me. and one more horrible thing im so close to his family im going to his brothers wedding in missouri next month. riding with him and our son. OMG!!

[caseymw25]

he started talking to her after we broke up. just a month and half now. i guess he felt he had to replace the friendship he didnt have with me anymore with her? but he doesnt want her he just says shes a cool person to hang around. wtf? but he loves me. and she wants him.

[caseymw25]

in just this month i have lost 12 lbs severly depressed and felt like i cant even take care of our son sometimes the pain is so bad. im thankful my mother is here. but im also worried about my health im now 101 lbs.