ecm Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 First, I want to say that my Mom is going to be thrilled that I won't be calling her 5 times a day since I found this site. I've never posted on here (or any other site like this) so I'm kind of excited to hear other people's stories/opinions, etc. I thought about putting a question out there on my facebook...but quickly realized that 500 of my 'closest friends" would then think I'm insane. So, here it goes... Without boring everyone with the back story, here is/are my question(s): 1) Have any of you been in a situation where you thought you weren't in love, but later realized you were? 2) If so, did you act nasty to try to get them to hate you, even saying "I'm not in love with you"? 3) When did you realize you had made a mistake? I have been in both situations, so I KIND OF know the answer, but I like to hear other people's takes. I've hear the "he's not into you...blah blah blah"...and if that's true, I'm ok with it. I just want to know other people's experiences with this situation. Good, bad, whatever.
westrock Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Without boring everyone with the back story, here is/are my question(s): 1) Have any of you been in a situation where you thought you weren't in love, but later realized you were? 2) If so, did you act nasty to try to get them to hate you, even saying "I'm not in love with you"? 3) When did you realize you had made a mistake? I have been in both situations, so I KIND OF know the answer, but I like to hear other people's takes. This happens all the time but unfortunately some people expect love to be instant and if it isn't there instantly or if there is any doubt (as you seem to have experienced), they conclude that they must not be in love where the opposite could very well be true. It's called "falling in love" for a reason - true love takes time to occur and while we are "falling", we feel out of control and as such we often resist and sometimes we even 'act nasty' as a defense mechanism claiming we are not in love, when what is really happening is we are just afraid to acknowledge that we are falling in love. Often when we lose the other person, that is when we realise the pain of not having them in our lives is greater than the pain of being afraid of being in love. Often at that point people in the situation you are describing will recognise they are in love. Relationships are complex because they involve two people, each with a different set of experiences, expectations, values, and beliefs. Maybe you didn't know what you wanted, or didn't understand the other person, or maybe you were just afraid - there's nothing wrong with any of that. But, if you now realise that you are now in love, then you should embace it and act upon it now and communicate that to the other person otherwise they may never know you love them and you'll live in regret. Communication is the key. I've hear the "he's not into you...blah blah blah"...and if that's true, I'm ok with it. I just want to know other people's experiences with this situation. Good, bad, whatever. As for the "he's not into you" stuff, I believe it's useful for bringing your attention to issues, but I also think it is too simplistic. Anyone can just say they must not be into you, but it's often more complex than that. People expect black and white, but relationships rarely ever work that way as I mentioned above.
Author ecm Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Thanks, Westrock. This time, I'm on the recieving end of it. It's so hard to sit back , when I know (I think, at least) what he is going through. I hope he realizes it before it's too late & I'm gone. I guess we shall see...
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