SoulSearch_CO Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Has this ever happened to anybody? I suffered a miscarriage almost 2 years ago. I thought I had dealt with the emotions. And seriously - I've talked about it several times with people over the past couple of years with no problem. Yes, I felt a degree of sadness, but nothing overwhelming. I was talking to a friend of mine. He and his wife suffered a MC of their last child, so I asked when it was, exactly. This was over email. Well, the month/year he gave me are MINE. I felt like I'd been punched in the chest and my first thought was, "HOW DID HE KNOW THAT?" Then I had to tell myself - he was just answering the question and that's when they lost theirs. All the grief, shame, guilt, sadness, emptiness came rushing back and I grieved just as I had when the event occurred. I felt like I was right back there in that hospital bed seeing the image on the u/s screen. Is it possible this is just a strong empathy response, or what? I'm not worried about it, like it's going to cripple me emotionally, I was just startled at the wave of emotion. I just wondered if anyone has experienced anything similar.
Bullydog1982 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 SoulSearch CO, Hi, I'm a long time lurker, first time poster here on LS. I've been on the site for about a year and it's helped me through a divorce and now a recent breakup. I also wanted to say thank you to you and many the long time members for the advice given because it's helped me a lot in my times of need even if I wasn't the one doing the asking. Now for your question.... My X-Wife and I were to have a child a little over 4 years ago but due to complications, we had to terminate the pregnancy at almost the 6 month mark. Even though I grieved for the loss of our child and the event took place over 4 years ago, I still find when around people that have miscarried or have complications that I'm struck by a wave of emotion that also invokes many feelings that you're also experiencing. I think you're handling it correctly by grieving and addressing the grief, why it's there and what's causing it at this time in your life. Remember, they're your friends but, it’s okay to step back from the situation to take care of you if it gets to be too much. To get to my point, yes, I think the feelings you're feeling are perfectly normal and healthy based on what I've felt too – though I’m definitely no expert. I hope this helps and brings you peace of mind.
Author SoulSearch_CO Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Thank you, Bullydog. I appreciate the kind words and the compliment. Yeah, I did have to step back for a bit and wasn't able to talk to him about anything else in the email until I'd dealt with what I was feeling. It just surprised me! I didn't have any idea that could happen like that. The people in my life that I've lost to death, none of it has been sudden. This was the first. So that may be why I'm completely unfamiliar with it. Thank you for sharing your experience. That did help a lot.
t0ri Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 I'd say your rush of emotions is completely normal. I had a miscarriage over a year ago, tried to deal with the emotions (not sure I really did, though), and felt I had moved past it to a certain extent. Well, my ex (the would-have-been-father) broke up with me earlier this year and all those emotions of my miscarriage rushed back at that point. I've tried to deal with them the best I can, but one of my best friends recently had a baby, and the rush of emotions came back as soon as I went to see her in the hospital. I'm sorting through the emotions, yet again. Anyway, I think little things may trigger emotions to come back, and it's completely normal. It happens more often with some, than others.
Author SoulSearch_CO Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Well, my ex (the would-have-been-father) broke up with me earlier this year and all those emotions of my miscarriage rushed back at that point. I've tried to deal with them the best I can, but one of my best friends recently had a baby, and the rush of emotions came back as soon as I went to see her in the hospital. I'm sorting through the emotions, yet again. Aww, Tori, hun, I'd give you a hug if I could. I totally feel where you're coming from. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Meaplus3 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 Yes. I have been through this. I lost one at 11 weeks.. and it was out of the blue. Just started bleeding real bad and needed to go in for emergency DC. At first I was sort of numb to it. But as the weeks passed for a long while it bothered me. Then I thought I had made peace with it.. and it came back to haunt me when I was trying again to get pregnant again. The way I ended up dealing with it, was by grieving the loss and excepting that for one reason or another it was just not meant to be. Sorry your going through it, I fully understand. ((hugs)) to you. Mea:)
phoenix1 Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 I think it's normal to have a reaction to someone else's grief like that. I had a miscarriage about 6 months ago, and I too have thought I was over it, and then I get totally triggered and feel so sad, such loss. It was also the beginning of the end of my great relationship. Things were never the same again. I guess as I have heard before, tragedies either bring people closer or tear them part. So then I had another loss. And all of you losses trigger other losses. Sometimes I tell myself, "come on get over it, just move on, it was 6 months ago..." But other times I really think about how my baby lived and then died in me. That is, or was for me, a traumatic experience. Grief often comes and goes, and part of it never goes all the way away.
D-Lish Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 Yes, it has happened to me as well. My bro and his wife had a baby about a year after my MC- I thought I had come to terms with my loss, but I found myself unable to bond with my new nephew. I still feel sadness when I see them with their kids. I think it's completely natural to feel what you are feeling. I agree that it does come in waves. A hug to you.
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