f888 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Recently, I met a girl who I think is great. I spent a very long time one day talking to her, and it was effortless. I really enjoyed the conversation, and I got the impression that she was interested. She gave a couple of really positive signals - and she'd also been happy to talk for as long as we had. We made plans to go out later that evening. After we'd gone out with a group of friends, we ended up alone in another bar. We didn't stay for too long. She said she was tired. Anyway, as I read things, something had changed - the atmosphere was a little different. I sat close, and she was fine with that. She was also fine with gentle (friendly) touches, too. Nothing happened, though. I walked her back, and got a kiss on the cheek goodbye. Over the next few days, I asked her in a casual way whether we could meet up or have dinner, but I didn't openly phrase it as thought I was asking her out. She said it would be fun to do something, together or in our group of friends. Then a few days after that, we went out with a larger group. I had a great time dancing with my friends, and her. We were dancing close a few times, but I didn't make any moves. Towards the end of the evening, this guy started dancing with her. They'd spent a fraction of the time together that we had, that night and before. Within minutes they were hooking up. So: here's where I get to my question. I didn't make any moves because I wasn't absolutely and entirely sure that she was interested. I only do that when I have the clearest and most obvious signals. I guess this is because I fear the embarrassing consequences of getting something like this wrong. The other guy, on the other hand, doesn't care. He goes from girl to girl and gets rebuffed a lot. But on the other hand, this can lead to successes sometimes. I don't think that I could be happy doing that. When someone tells me they're not interested, it stays with me and I think about it for some time afterwards. I think making an unwanted physical move on someone would be even harder. So what to do, in this case and more generally? How to move from conversation and positive signals to something more physical when you have some indication that things are going well? Once, I just asked a girl whether I could kiss her - and she pointed out that you're not supposed to ask that. You're supposed to do it instead. I didn't mind that answer! It gave me the information I was looking for, and we moved on from there. But: as I'd read that situation at the time, the signals seemed mixed to me. I had no clear idea whether she was interested or not. I only had a couple of indications, as well as the fact that she'd been talking to me for a very long time. If I hadn't asked her openly, the balance of my judgment would have told me that she wasn't interested. And in that case, as I now know, I would have been wrong. Here, too, maybe the girl was tired on that one day. And then maybe later she was expecting me to openly make a move while we were dancing. I'm just not sure. What should I do here? And what should I do more generally? Since that night, I've just been relaxed and friendly with her in groups. Should I wait a few days and then ask her out somewhere? And: when you're getting positive signals - good conversation, friendly touching, dancing - how do you move to something more without overanalysing the situation and without getting things wrong?
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