conehead Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Do you think this is a good thing and its a way for couples to get to know each other? Like for example a gf can find out that her bf had an ex who drove him crazy by keeping tabs on him and the gf can keep that in mind and avoid doing it. Or do you think it just complicates things and can add in insecurities? Like you wonder if your gf/bf is truly over an ex based on how they broke up. Any thoughts? Should I be ok if my future bf sometimes throw in a 'yea I lived in that house with my gf at the time and I liked to be tidy while she didn't'. Or if it's not ok, how do I tell him I'd rather not know in a non-annoying way?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Past Rs take a HUGE part in shaping how we react to future ones. I learned things in my marriage that I took into my last relationship and I look forward to carrying lessons I learned from those two Rs into the possible one developing (POSITIVE lessons...not "baggage"). I am curious about people. How they got to where they are, how they formed their beliefs, etc. Part of that is questioning their past relationships, but I don't grill them. And if they start to appear uncomfortable with the questions, I stop. I'm pretty good at reading people. Generally, though, they're flattered that I'm so interested in them. LOL If you don't like hearing about past Rs AT ALL even with little innocuous comments about cleanliness of past partners...um...I guess just tell them. But if somebody said that to me("I don't want to hear about it"), I would be a little offended. It's not like, "that guy had a GREAT piece." LOL As long as their comments are respectful, I don't understand what there is to be concerned about. Unless they bring up a certain ex ALL THE TIME, OR unless they are comparing you to any of their exes. I don't think THAT is excusable. But if it's just a polite and harmless "fyi," I don't get what there is to be worried about.
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