heatherb16 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Even before I dated my ex, I always thought " What is there to love about me? What do I offer?" I also thought that while my ex and I were dating. I would constantly question myself, wondering why he was so in love with me. I could name a million reasons as to why I was in love with him, but I couldn't think of any as to why he would be in love with me. Maybe it was all just a joke? Now, 3 months after the break up, I still feel the same way. What is any man going to find in me that will make him fall in love? Anyone else ever had this feeling? Why am I feeling like this? The break up didn't cause this feeling to occur, because I have felt it even while I was with my ex, and before, as well. Anything would be appreciated.
Exit Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Well, my ex was so infatuated with me when I first found out that she wanted to be with me. To THAT extent, I didn't understand what she saw in me. I could understand someone loving me, but not crazy like that. Sounds like you may be unhappy with your own life or have low self esteem. That certainly won't help a relationship succeed. You need to get to a place mentally and emotionally where you feel and believe that you are deserving of love. It doesn't mean you have to think of yourself as some amazing celebrity or anything like that, but we are all deserving of love. You shouldn't feel that way. Maybe you should try to analyze yourself or talk to someone and figure out why you feel that way. Anyone capable of giving love is worthy of receiving it.
splintered thing Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Even before I dated my ex, I always thought " What is there to love about me? What do I offer?" ... I could name a million reasons as to why I was in love with him, but I couldn't think of any as to why he would be in love with me. Maybe it was all just a joke? Now, 3 months after the break up, I still feel the same way. What is any man going to find in me that will make him fall in love? Anyone else ever had this feeling? Why am I feeling like this? Did you ever ask your ex? I bet someone who knows you could rattle off a million or two reasons why someone would fall in love with you. (I don't think it's that weird or unreasonable a question--I'd always tried to be open and honest about what I like and not stop letting people know what I admire and appreciate in them. And I think it's totally reasonable to ask for reassurance in a relationship.) I didn't used to feel like you describe myself, but after enough years of rejections and relationships with people who did feel that way about me ("so, um, why are we having a relationship, then?"), I've been pretty thoroughly talked out of any reasons I ever did believe in. So my own situation is a little different.
Quest Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 It's all about self esteem and some people don't have has much of it as others, probably because they weren't taught to value themselves when they were young. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a good way of challenging some of the negative thought processes that often lie behind low self esteem. There are a lot of resources available on-line - try Moodgym and Moodjuice. Or you can find a counsellor who specialises in this type of therapy. 'Mind Over Mood' is a good workbook as well. You could also try writing down a few of your strengths and talents and really believing in their existence! Ask some good friends and family to tell you a few of each as well - and again, believe in what you are being told!
Road To Joy Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 It's low self-esteem. I suffer from it, too, mostly 'cause of the relationship, though. I mean, I was definitely never cocky, prideful, or even very confident. I've always been modest and I never really wanted anything more, I was satisfied but a little inclined towards insecure After the relationship, though, I know what it's like to feel like scum on the bottom of a shoe. I know what it's like to feel like you're below EVERYBODY and like EVERYBODY is better than you in every way possible. I know what it's like to want to live in a little cabin in the middle of nowhere because you feel so worthless you don't want to interfere with anyone's life, or bother anyone. It's a terrible feeling, and from the outside looking it, it seems ridiculous. Hell, it even seemed ridiculous to me and I assumed people were just being dramatic, but now that I'm going through it, I understand. So yes, I have had that feeling.
ashleigh422 Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Well... I can see this from a mile away. It is me. How on earth can you expect anyone, expecialy a man, to love you.. when you don't even love yourself?
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