broken_promises Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 So, I've just started testing the online dating waters and I am having the hardest time. I just don't think I'm ready yet. It hasn't quite been three months since the break up with the ex-b/f of 3-1/2 years. We also met online and now every person I see or talk to, I am trying to find the red flags. Or the few conversations via email or chat I have had with new people just bring back every memory of the beginning of my relationship with the ex. Saying the same types of things, remembering getting to know him, etc. I'm just having such a hard time with this lately. And I just feel like he could have cared less about me and is having an easy time moving on. I don't know if that is true, but I just feel/fear it is.
deux ex machina Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 It could be that what you are going through is part of the process. He's still a presence in your consciousness right now, and so it is only natural that you will see things filtered through your recent past. I think it will get better for you. Just take it nice and slow, don't do anything you don't feel you are ready for yet - but at the same time, don't hide from the discomfort, either. You will get through this. You will find balance. It's okay to feel like everything is not quite right at the moment. Don't let it get you down, k?
0hpenelope Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 So, I've just started testing the online dating waters and I am having the hardest time. I just don't think I'm ready yet. It hasn't quite been three months since the break up with the ex-b/f of 3-1/2 years. We also met online and now every person I see or talk to, I am trying to find the red flags. Or the few conversations via email or chat I have had with new people just bring back every memory of the beginning of my relationship with the ex. Saying the same types of things, remembering getting to know him, etc. I'm just having such a hard time with this lately. And I just feel like he could have cared less about me and is having an easy time moving on. I don't know if that is true, but I just feel/fear it is. When you find yourself thinking of him, make the effort to get yourself to stop (the healthy way, ok?). I hope you're open to the idea that it will take a while to get the memories to stop attacking. Take your time. It's not fair for the new guy to care about you, but you're hanging on to the ex-boyfriend, you know what I mean? Don't worry about the ex-bf. Most often, our exes don't think about us because when they think of us... well, who knows what's really happening? Maybe thinking of us hurts them too, which is why they seek the company of others and seek attention that will give them a thrill. Or maybe they don't think of us because they just want to move on, too. Good luck with everything. You're very brave for being able to bring yourself out there to try again - and just after 3 months at that. That's a huge step.
Beeotch Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 So, I've just started testing the online dating waters and I am having the hardest time. I just don't think I'm ready yet. It hasn't quite been three months since the break up with the ex-b/f of 3-1/2 years. We also met online and now every person I see or talk to, I am trying to find the red flags. Or the few conversations via email or chat I have had with new people just bring back every memory of the beginning of my relationship with the ex. Saying the same types of things, remembering getting to know him, etc. I'm just having such a hard time with this lately. And I just feel like he could have cared less about me and is having an easy time moving on. I don't know if that is true, but I just feel/fear it is. I know the feeling...but my thing is: why think of an option that makes you feel WORST in the face of the unknown? I used to think my ex didn't care and esp when he magically had a gf I felt CRUSHED (esp since he said he had wanted to work on our relationship in the summer). I felt betrayed and all these negative things. Then I realized that you know what...I had made a decision to do NC and I had given my ex NO INDICATION that I wanted him. I deleted him from almost everything and stayed out of his life. I went on trips and did all these lovely things...when he contacted me I was polite but that was it. So could I blame him? Not really...I am sure he had no reason to believe I still care. Looking from the outside no one besides my bestfriend and the ppl on LS would have known that I still cared, was bothered etc. So it could very well be the same with your ex. If you're not ready to date yet...don't! No reason to ruin anyone else's life by making them a rebound and further complicating your own. In time you will be ready again though.
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