on being strung along?

[Limbo21]

Hello*everyone,*

 

It's a long one so I'll keep it brief.

Me & my ex split about 5 weeks ago, we've been in contact daily & she claims she loves me every day (we've been together for about 15 months)*

 

The difference of my situation to most other posters is religion ... I'm a non-believer & she is a christian. She left alot to be with me. She moved to another county in the uk leaving her friends,family & uprooted her kids . After some time with no infrastructre & little support (other than me) she became depressed & lonely. She went back to church to reconfirm a relationship with god & that's where we are now.*

 

I'm far from perfect and have done numerous things that added to the demise of the relationship but she knew she was odored, worshipped, valued & I loved her with every bone in my body.

 

The problem is she is still married! She will be for at least another year due to her husband being posted to Afghanistan & their kids future financially if he's injured or so (you get what I mean). She wants him to file as it'll cost her money she can ill afford, that's why they are still married.*

 

Now she's gone back to god she says she can't be with anyone whilst she's still married. I've looked into this & it seem in the (in my opinion) extremist view is she's right.

 

I have now asked for time apart. She hates the idea but reluctantly agreed & *would resume contact on the 1st november ONLY if she wanted to give us another serious shot of a relationship. I can't emphasize enough however you read this (I've just read it back) I feel she loves me so much - but clearly she doesn't love me enough to deal with the depression without her faith*

 

Should I leave her to re-contact me early november & see if that old adage 'time makes the heart grow fonder' is true or could it be more like 'we've come this far- seems silly going through it again' (she's said that a few weeks ago)

 

I know advice will be on the lines of moving on but I've tried that. I'm now willing to take all the risks needed involving further heart break to maximise my chances of reconciliation. I want advice how to best achieve this.

 

I know it's a risk but if I don't take it I'll never forgive myself & that'll be a heavier weight to live with than the pain of further heart break

 

My question to the above situation is *should i leave it nc? Giving her no support through this difficult period in her life which she may look back upon that I wasn't there for her? Or try to make her miss me by going full nc & showing her I don't need her? I just *wanna get back with her & I think my decision now will either push her away further or keep the possibility of us getting back together - that puts me under alot of pressure. Thing is this will be worth it, even if it's peace of mind I've done all I can to reconcile*

 

I just wanna maximise my chances of another chance with the girl I love & want some advice ... If I can't achieve this I want to at least be at peace I did all I can to win her back. This makes me much stronger emotionally.*She wants to stay in contact but after reading here I decided time apart would be the best to win he back - *now not so sure *

 

I'm in serious need of advice. I would do anything for this girl. Thanks for reading & pls help a middle aged single man of 1 smile again

 

Thanks

 

Ps our last few texts ...

 

(her friday) I love you so so much x

 

(her friday)*Can't sleep! The thought of not being in contact for ages is disturbing me:( i just want you to know you're the only one for me! X

 

(her saturday) Gosh this is torture! X

 

(me) Ur all I'm thinking about

 

(her) I love you

 

(her) Seems just crazy this! x

[Exit]

Just leave it until November. It's really not that long. Spend the time doing other things and enjoying life. If she comes back to you, it will mean that much more.

 

She should not be with anyone until her marriage is officially over, religious issues aside. She needs to get that over and done with, regardless of the financial obstacles, etc.

 

It may seem hard, but set her free to figure out her failed relationship, her faith, and whatever else is on her mind. You do not need to sell yourself short by being there for her while she gets her head together. You deserve a full commitment.

 

If you look at it from the proper perspective, you'll realize the situation is quite simple and requires very little input on your part. Let her know your feelings one last time if you must, that way she won't feel like you've given up, but then step back, cut contact, and let things happen as they may. If she comes back to you, you will know that she is yours. If she doesn't, you'll already be 30+ days into your life without her, and you can continue on.

 

November is really not that far, it will do both of you some good.

[Limbo21]

Hey thanks for your response Exit. I guess the burning question for me at the moment is to call her & tell her to forget november as we prolly won't be speaking again. I just want her to feel the full force of loosing me & not some diluted feelings of loss because she knows I'm holding on for her until Nov.

 

Not sure if that makes any sense but it's really gnawing at me that I'm making this easier for her when I'm findin it more difficult.

 

I like to think I'm strong but I'm not so sure now - just need outside input I guess

 

That said you give good advice. Thanks man