LovieDove24 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I've done it once before and don't see what the big deal is. However a very good friend (one who's older and whose opinion I respect a great deal) asked me why I keep trying to "complicate my life." My reaction was, "I'm not, I'm just trying to find the guy that 'fits' and I'm not gonna discriminate in the process." But her comment has bothered me for days since. Doesn't she realize how racist that sounded? Doesn't she realize that was posing a judgement upon my ability to judge wisely? I'm just so furious. Additionally, she is 59 years old, I am 24 (both white) and believe there are MILES and MILES between our generations views on interracial dating. Is it naive of me to think most young adults my age couldn't give a rat's arse about it?
Author LovieDove24 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Ahhh, just re-reading that post made me so angry. It's not so much the judgement but WHO it came from that has bothered me the most. I know some people have a problem with interracial dating but this woman is supposed to be like a second mother to me!
serenitylies Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I agree with you , although Im not white . Im asian and there is a black male that likes me . I like him back but I am forbidden by parents . I would go against my mothers will and see him anyway but I can disrespect the one who raised me . They're old fashioned . Its just how they see things .
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 wow same thing happens to me alot but im a black guy and attracted to multiple women. One of them just happens to be white and my mom is against it. But i am a grown adult, I make my own rules. I create my own destiny. Who I sleep with should be no one's concern but my own.
JohnP82 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yeah, I'm an adult and I'm going to decide who I date. My parents don't care who I date, they trust my judgment, and even if they did care it wouldn't stop me.
allina Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Did she say that you're complicating your life specifically because you dated a black guy? I guess I don't see where your friend said anything racist or about race. Maybe she was concerned because she thought you weren't going after quality men? I think that most people don't care about interracial dating anymore. Maybe they do in a few really backwards parts of the country but it's rare. I am white and I'm marrying a man of a different race. Hasn't been an issue at all.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 it still exists dont be so naive to think it doesnt alina....
burning 4 revenge Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I dont like it when white girls date black guys because the idea of their huge ding dongs makes me feel very inadequate
9Lives Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I just dont understand why black guys treat white women better than black women. It seems like they treat them like queens.
stepka Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Well I'm closer to your second mother's age and see nothing wrong at all about dating a brown guy. Heck, I'm attracted to some of them too. I wouldn't necessarily read her comment as racist though--she may be concerned about the hurdles you'll face and the opinion of other people is all. One thing she needs to realize though is that public opinion has changed quite a bit since she was young, but it's not over yet. People used to be so concerned about the kids from such a union, but I've met several of these kids and they seem to be pretty well adjusted. One problem that a young mixed race friend of mine has faced though, is that some girls he'd like to date have been forbidden to by their parents--white girls--and he's been raised as a white, so that part has been hard on him, but I believe that as he gets older it will be less of an issue since older girls will be able to make their own choices.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Achhhh. it's only a myth b4r, it's not like everyone of us is built like a bull. or got more than a rhino. It's not always the size it's how you use it.
Thaddeus Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I don't think that your 59-year-old friend meant it to be a racist comment, but frankly I don't see that it's any of her business anyways. I really like your explanation, though: "I'm just trying to find the guy that 'fits' ". I worked with a woman (white) at one time who would date any race but white men for some reason. AFAIK nobody ever asked her why, but then again it's nobody else's business anyway.
oasis Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I would just go with the chemistry. That is really what matters at the end of the day.
wuggle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I think the OP meant african american man of decent. lol. damn stop the sarcasm wug. I know what the OP meant I was kind of hoping that sarcasm might help illuminate what I saw as a self evident point. There IS no black and white !! Look at some of the language on this thread :- "dating a black guy" "heck I'm attracted to some of Them too" "I don't like it when white girls date black guys" "their huge ding dongs" "you weren't going after quality men" There's more but I won't labour the point. It's 2009 , what f**king difference does it make. Even from people who profess NOT to be racists there is still the undertone that IT is an issue, whilst I am not niave enough to think that IT isn't an issue day to day in our society, I was hoping that the OP might see the hint of a deeper truth in what I was saying, maybe what keeps making IT an issue is that we still think of IT as an issue. What makes a person racists ? what makes society racist ? - fear passed down from generation to generation. Our parents pass on thier fear of the unknown to us. They install the fear in us from day zero, the idea of them and us, I know mine did, still do, most of my family still uses the 'N' word. CB, even you sort of propogate the issue, you refer to "african American men of descent" , what the f**k does that mean ??. There is no black, white , yellow, pink whatever, there is no country either. Look back at ANYONES heritage and what do you find, at best a sort of browny, pinky, fuzzy mixed country parentage. If one of your friends is racist, feel sorry for them, it's not all their fault, it is a hangover from their parents. If they are a good friend try to educate them, if not, if they won't grow up then ignore them. A 'man' with no friends soon learns to re-evaluate his outlook on things. Sorry for the lecture CB, it isn't aimed at you, I'm just hoping the OP will get a fresh perspective. In this day and age race, and nationality REALLY aren't issues, the only thing keeping them as such is our own fears.
oasis Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I dont like it when white girls date black guys because the idea of their huge ding dongs makes me feel very inadequate Penis envy? :lmao:
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Of course wug, I know what you mean. and 9lives black men dont treat white women better men treat women like that because they have love in their eyes, race isnt always a factor. She could be Hispanic or asian to me. I'd still treat her good. But I get what your implying.
allina Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Wuggle, why did you quote my statement "maybe you weren't going after quality men" in your rant above?
alphamale Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I think that most people don't care about interracial dating anymore. i think thats a bunch of baloney. 98% of people marry their own race
Island Girl Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 But i am a grown adult, I make my own rules. I create my own destiny. Who I sleep with should be no one's concern but my own. My mother is of a generation that is racially imprinted. At least that is what I like to call it. -- She is 75 now. We have butted heads on this issue as I have dated other races and my own since the age of 19. I would never allow anyone to dictate how I should live my life and find happiness. -- With the obvious disqualifying statement of "as long as it isn't illegal and I am not hurting myself or anyone else". I think that most people don't care about interracial dating anymore. Maybe they do in a few really backwards parts of the country but it's rare. I am white and I'm marrying a man of a different race. Hasn't been an issue at all. With the exception of my mother I haven't ever had an issue either. I've lived in 7 states in the US and have never seen it. That doesn't mean racism doesn't exist - but I think the attitudes of non-racial mixing are in community pockets where it seems to be passed on without challenge (and it seems most of these are in southern states). I wouldn't necessarily read her comment as racist though--she may be concerned about the hurdles you'll face and the opinion of other people is all. I find it funny that people often have this view - that it isn't a racist view at all but people are just concerned about "hurdles that might be faced" which only serves to acknowledge that the person saying these things makes differentiations based on skin color which serves to propagate the idea that the relationship should not be pursued. So it all boils down to a person saying the relationship should not be pursued because of skin color. And that is racism. We are taught that we should not live our lives according to other people's opinion about anything else. Why all of a sudden are we supposed to care what others think, agree or disagree with, etc. when it comes to who we date? Would that person say the same thing if the guy was Baptist and she was Catholic? Would there be such great concern because neither congregation would fully accept the other? No. For the record I am in an interracial marriage and the ONLY person who takes issue with it or has ever given me any kind of problem, remark, etc. is my mother -- oh - and my sister but she is known as a judgmental, problem finding, needling beeeyotch and we have spoken only once in 8 years so, yeah, like I care.
allina Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 i think thats a bunch of baloney. 98% of people marry their own race Ok, well I'm sharing my opinion based on my experience. Where I live you see TONS of interracial marriages. Especially Asian/white couples. I am actually comfortable saying that from the people in my age group that I know all have dated outside of their race. Also, just because someone marries within their race doesn't mean they oppose interacial couples.
wuggle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Allina, sorry I wasn't having a pop at you in my 'rant'. I was having a pop at the language we ALL (myself included!) use when discussing these issues (race and nationality) and trying to say that the langauge we ALL use propogates the problem itself. No offence meant, honest, if I misunderstood your meaning then honest apologies. My point stands, IT isn't an issue anymore as long as we all realise that we all have hangups passed to us from previous generations (myself included) and I still haven't met a black guy....
wuggle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 i think thats a bunch of baloney. 98% of people marry their own race and 96% of people still marry people of their own nationality, and 99.9% of us are stupid !!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 LMAO @ as long as it's not illegal! The bottom line for me is as long as she treats me good and we are happy, why not. Any racially mixed relationship is gonna have issues and problems especially from the outside. People are always gonna judge it and look at it.
allina Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Allina, sorry I wasn't having a pop at you in my 'rant'. I was having a pop at the language we ALL (myself included!) use when discussing these issues (race and nationality) and trying to say that the langauge we ALL use propogates the problem itself. No offence meant, honest, if I misunderstood your meaning then honest apologies. My point stands, IT isn't an issue anymore as long as we all realise that we all have hangups passed to us from previous generations (myself included) and I still haven't met a black guy.... It's ok. I pointed it out because I feel like you may have misunderstood my point. What I was saying was that it was unclear to me that the friend's comment was even about race. Telling someone that they are "looking for trouble" regarding the men one chooses to date can mean many things that are not related to race. For example, what if the OP has a pattern of dating cheaters/jerks. Maybe her friend was voicing her concerns about the personalities of these guys, not race.
dunstable Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Bottom line: Ignore your friend. Detailed explanation: Based on my experience, friends should not presume to criticize a potential partner but only offer suggestions to help the relationship work out. It's so easy to criticize and too often it's done on the basis of incomplete information or prior prejudices. A good friend doesn't interfere and keeps their mouth shut unless they have something to say that is beyond dispute. Often a "friend" will try to destroy a relationship because they are simply jealous. Use your own judgment. Listen to your friend but be extremely skeptical.
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