oceanbeauty Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Would you break up with your 30 yr old boyfriend if he lied that he had been tested for every STD after his last sex partner, tested negative for everything, & that he has never had unprotected sex (except for his ex-wife)? And he expressed this lie on multiple occasions: when we first started dating, before we decided to have sex, and again when he asked to have unprotected sex w me? Then a yr later he told the truth - that he had not been tested for ANY STDs since his first marrige (11 years ago), has had multiple unprotected sex partners since then, and he possibly has exposed you to every STD. The only reason the truth even came out was because boyfriend noticed to red bumps on his private two weeks ago. When he mentioneded it to me, I wasn't even worried about it because he assured me he hadn't cheated any, I too have been faithful, I have had only 1 sex partner before him & tested negative to every STD after that relationship dissolved, & I believed that he too was negative for every STD before me. Yesterday, he again mentioned the red bumps and accused me of giving him genital herpes !!! It was during that conversation that he finally told the truth. He had been tested only for HIV one year prior to meeting me, but after that test he had 2 unprotected sex partners (one was a one night stand & the other was a promiscuous girlfriend). Other than that, he's had ZERO std testing done! I feel devestated!! Not only because I may have been exposed to STDs but also because I trusted him & he lied about something that could have permantely put my health or life in jepordy! This man allegedly loves me and wants to marry me. But a lie like this sure doesn't feel like love & I don't think it says much about his integrity. What do you think? Please give your opinion - even if it's harsh. Oh...one more thing...the reason he got married 11 yrs ago was because he was having unprotected sex w/ his highschool girlfriend & got her pregnant. They are now divorced & he has full custody of his son. BF initially claimed he was raising the son & I thought that said something very positive about him. But later I learned that the son lives w/ & is raised by the grandmother & only visits w his father. Point is, that I thought his having a child was just a one-time mistake due to immaturity, but now I'm wondering if this all is just a pattern of behavior!
You'reasian Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Would you break up with your 30 yr old boyfriend if he lied that he had been tested for every STD after his last sex partner, tested negative for everything, & that he has never had unprotected sex (except for his ex-wife)? And he expressed this lie on multiple occasions: when we first started dating, before we decided to have sex, and again when he asked to have unprotected sex w me? Then a yr later he told the truth - that he had not been tested for ANY STDs since his first marrige (11 years ago), has had multiple unprotected sex partners since then, and he possibly has exposed you to every STD. Wear protection. Other than that the only surefire way to prevent the transmission of STDs is abstinence. Fortunately, some jobs require regular testing. If its serious enough issue and he works one of those jobs, ask to see a copy if possible? The only reason the truth even came out was because boyfriend noticed to red bumps on his private two weeks ago. When he mentioneded it to me, I wasn't even worried about it because he assured me he hadn't cheated any, I too have been faithful, I have had only 1 sex partner before him & tested negative to every STD after that relationship dissolved, & I believed that he too was negative for every STD before me. Yesterday, he again mentioned the red bumps and accused me of giving him genital herpes !!! It was during that conversation that he finally told the truth. He had been tested only for HIV one year prior to meeting me, but after that test he had 2 unprotected sex partners (one was a one night stand & the other was a promiscuous girlfriend). Other than that, he's had ZERO std testing done!. In your first paragraph you state that your bf hadn't been tested since his first marriage - 11 years ago. In this paragraph you state that he had been tested for HIV one year prior to meeting you? Somethings not quite right with this information... I feel devestated!! Not only because I may have been exposed to STDs but also because I trusted him & he lied about something that could have permantely put my health or life in jepordy! This man allegedly loves me and wants to marry me. But a lie like this sure doesn't feel like love & I don't think it says much about his integrity. What do you think? Please give your opinion - even if it's harsh. Oh...one more thing...the reason he got married 11 yrs ago was because he was having unprotected sex w/ his highschool girlfriend & got her pregnant. They are now divorced & he has full custody of his son. BF initially claimed he was raising the son & I thought that said something very positive about him. But later I learned that the son lives w/ & is raised by the grandmother & only visits w his father. Point is, that I thought his having a child was just a one-time mistake due to immaturity, but now I'm wondering if this all is just a pattern of behavior! Tread lightly with this. If this is a true story, I'd spend more time getting to know your guy outside the sheets. Best of luck!
Author oceanbeauty Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 In your first paragraph you state that your bf hadn't been tested since his first marriage - 11 years ago. In this paragraph you state that he had been tested for HIV one year prior to meeting you? Somethings not quite right with this information... QUOTE] Sorry for the confusion. My boyfriend has his blood tested yearly for his job physical. Up until yesterday, as far as he knew, he had not been tested for any STDs in 11 yrs. But after his scare yesterday, he asked one of his co-workers what tests his job checks for with the yearly blood sample and found out that they check for HIV & that is the only STD they check for. However, he had 2 unprotected sex partners between the time of his last physical and having sex w/ me so he could have been infected with HIV. The part that angers me is that he swore that he "was tested for EVERY STD after his last sex-partner & was negative for everything". He admitted to me yesterday that he knowingly lied about all of that. We dated for several months before having sex. I realize how stupid it was to ever agree to have protected or unprotected sex with him. But if he had been truthful, this STD risk between us wouldn't be happening. I feel like this was a very selfish & reckless lie on his part - a lie that could endanger the life of another.
You'reasian Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Sorry for the confusion. My boyfriend has his blood tested yearly for his job physical. Up until yesterday, as far as he knew, he had not been tested for any STDs in 11 yrs. But after his scare yesterday, he asked one of his co-workers what tests his job checks for with the yearly blood sample and found out that they check for HIV & that is the only STD they check for.. As far as he knew, he hadn't had any checks in 11 yrs - but his co-worker does? This still doesn't make sense. Why would you ask his co-worker and not your man? Even better, ask him to show you or go get tested - together, since this is the guy you're going to marry (or who claims that he wants to marry you) - that's serious business! Most tests capture HIV/Syphillis - as they are viral. The others are bacterial I believe. However, he had 2 unprotected sex partners between the time of his last physical and having sex w/ me so he could have been infected with HIV. The part that angers me is that he swore that he "was tested for EVERY STD after his last sex-partner & was negative for everything". He admitted to me yesterday that he knowingly lied about all of that. We dated for several months before having sex. I realize how stupid it was to ever agree to have protected or unprotected sex with him. But if he had been truthful, this STD risk between us wouldn't be happening. I feel like this was a very selfish & reckless lie on his part - a lie that could endanger the life of another. The two of you should get tested.
Author oceanbeauty Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Wear protection. Other than that the only surefire way to prevent the transmission of STDs is abstinence. ! At this point, I think the only sure way to prevent transmission of STDs is abstinence or having your significant other produce proof that they are STD free. It seems like protection can fail pretty easily (break, slip off, etc,) & certain STDs get through condoms anyway.
You'reasian Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 At this point, I think the only sure way to prevent transmission of STDs is abstinence or having your significant other produce proof that they are STD free. It seems like protection can fail pretty easily (break, slip off, etc,) & certain STDs get through condoms anyway. You guys should go get checked up, together. Blood tests reveal the major viral STDs - HIV/Syphillis. The other tests are performed differently, because they are bacterial. The symptoms of the bacterial ones are more visibly detectable and apparent than viral. Have you taken any medical classes? Might be a good future investment.
Author oceanbeauty Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 As far as he knew' date=' he hadn't had any checks in 11 yrs - but his co-worker does? .[/quote'] He says he has not had specific STD testing for everything in 11 years but that his new job did a blood test a year ago. He claimed he never asked the job what they were testing for. Why would you ask his co-worker and not your man? . I did ask him directly. He didn't know so HE called his co-worker. Even better' date=' ask him to show you or go get tested - together, since this is the guy you're going to marry (or who claims that he wants to marry you) - that's serious business!.[/quote'] That's the point of my post - I'm not sure if I'd want to be with him anymore. My bf has been asking me what kind of dimond rings I like and his friends have been hinting lately that I may soon be a fiance. So I think he is being sincere in his desire to marry me. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but after learning about this big lie, I'm not sure if I'd want to marry him now. Just makes me wonder what else he's lied about or what he'd lie about in the future. We are both getting tested, but I'm thinking about breaking it off regardless of our test results. The two of you should get tested. We are both going on Monday. Thanks for your replies !
You'reasian Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 He says he has not had specific STD testing for everything in 11 years but that his new job did a blood test a year ago. He claimed he never asked the job what they were testing for. I did ask him directly. He didn't know so HE called his co-worker. That's the point of my post - I'm not sure if I'd want to be with him anymore. My bf has been asking me what kind of dimond rings I like and his friends have been hinting lately that I may soon be a fiance. So I think he is being sincere in his desire to marry me. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but after learning about this big lie, I'm not sure if I'd want to marry him now. Just makes me wonder what else he's lied about or what he'd lie about in the future. We are both getting tested, but I'm thinking about breaking it off regardless of our test results. We are both going on Monday. Thanks for your replies! You're welcome! Taking a health/sexual-health class ain't a bad investment either - raised bumps can mean a few different things, some harmless - most likely not HIV, but without a test it can't be ruled out. Also, if you test regularly (per year?), its good to know what the tests are - what they test for, how they are done etc. Best of luck for the both of you, however it works out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Would you break up with your 30 yr old boyfriend if he lied that he had been tested for every STD after his last sex partner, tested negative for everything, & that he has never had unprotected sex (except for his ex-wife)? Hell, ****ing yes, I would. I don't even need to know more - but your story just got worse and worse! This guy is selfish! He not only put your life and health at risk - he has possibly risked your future potential to have children as there are several STDs that can leave you infertile. I wouldn't want to even CONSIDER marrying a guy like that. Gees. I wouldn't want him as my lifetime lover, the father of my children, etc, etc. This is someone that is supposed to protect you and love you... Yikes.
aerogurl87 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Would you break up with your 30 yr old boyfriend if he lied that he had been tested for every STD after his last sex partner, tested negative for everything, & that he has never had unprotected sex (except for his ex-wife)? And he expressed this lie on multiple occasions: when we first started dating, before we decided to have sex, and again when he asked to have unprotected sex w me? Then a yr later he told the truth - that he had not been tested for ANY STDs since his first marrige (11 years ago), has had multiple unprotected sex partners since then, and he possibly has exposed you to every STD. Oh...one more thing...the reason he got married 11 yrs ago was because he was having unprotected sex w/ his highschool girlfriend & got her pregnant. They are now divorced & he has full custody of his son. BF initially claimed he was raising the son & I thought that said something very positive about him. But later I learned that the son lives w/ & is raised by the grandmother & only visits w his father. Point is, that I thought his having a child was just a one-time mistake due to immaturity, but now I'm wondering if this all is just a pattern of behavior! I'm noticing a pattern here of lies and deception. To lie about being tested is one thing, but to lie about the whereabouts of a child, well that's something else. Seems to me like he was trying to make his self sound all great at the beginning (as most people do at the beginning of a relationship), but now the truth is coming out. And why can't he raise his own child? Why does he have his mother raising him? That sounds like another red flag to me.
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