New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 My bf recently told me that something that makes me a good girlfriend is that I don't do things that make him jealous. To me, that translates to just being respectful of him and of our relationship. For example, this comment was sparked by a discussion about drinking - I choose to not put myself in certain sketchy situations or scenarios by not getting too drunk if my bf isn't there with me. Even when he is I don't get super drunk - probably once in the two years I've known him. My impression is that he's a little (or a lot) cynical about women because of previous experience and relationships. I also see this a lot on this forum from men - and I also see females posting things that just makes me sigh. I hate to sound judgmental, but to me it just seems like there are so many easy ways to just NOT have certain types of problems, or to cut down on them at least - and I think a lot of it comes down to RESPECT and ACTING like you want to be in the relationship and are into the guy. This might manifest itself in different ways depending on each individual/couple, but I still think that's what it comes down to.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 It's not that hard in theory at all. The problem is emotions clouds everything. The theory is this. Show that you care and love someone and will support them, but won't take any bad behavior, if there is any then walk off. + emotions and it becomes. So I've been dating this girl for 6 months, and she just gave another guy a blowjob, what should I do? My BF ignores me all the time and hasn't called me in a month. You reckon he loves me or just lost his phone?
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 It's not that hard in theory at all. The problem is emotions clouds everything. The theory is this. Show that you care and love someone and will support them, but won't take any bad behavior, if there is any then walk off. + emotions and it becomes. So I've been dating this girl for 6 months, and she just gave another guy a blowjob, what should I do? My BF ignores me all the time and hasn't called me in a month. You reckon he loves me or just lost his phone? That's not quite what I'm talking about though. I'm talking about the people who post things like "So I've been with this guy for 6 months, and I just gave another guy a blowjob, how do I make my bf not mad at me anymore?" Or "I ignore my bf all the time and now he's giving me crap. How do I get him to settle down and quit bugging me?" Why not think "how can I make him happy he's dating me" instead of wondering why he DOESN'T want to date you when you act a certain way?
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 haha, I see The reality is very simply, love someone, but protect yourself. Most people protect themselves with nice people, and chase after jerks/bitches. Most people are way too driven by their emotions. That's why I'm against all this chemistry crap. Most people are so obsessed with this magic feeling that comes at the beginning and don't even bother to get to know another human being anymore. At the end of the day, the root of the problem is, it ain't really true love. Most people are selfish and just want to feel good, they don't want to be lonely, but don't want to commit. Don't want to risk getting their hearts broken, but want excitment. People want everything, and want to sacrifice the least, and that's where we are now.
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I agree that it all comes down to respect. I don't quite believe in chemistry too, it's good if it's there and you feel it but I prefer to really get to know someone rather than have the chemistry and just commit straight away.
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 haha, I see The reality is very simply, love someone, but protect yourself. Most people protect themselves with nice people, and chase after jerks/bitches. Most people are way too driven by their emotions. That's why I'm against all this chemistry crap. Most people are so obsessed with this magic feeling that comes at the beginning and don't even bother to get to know another human being anymore. At the end of the day, the root of the problem is, it ain't really true love. Most people are selfish and just want to feel good, they don't want to be lonely, but don't want to commit. Don't want to risk getting their hearts broken, but want excitment. People want everything, and want to sacrifice the least, and that's where we are now. Well those people shouldn't wonder why things don't work out for them, or why they don't have a healthy, happy relationship, or why they can't get a good guy/girl. And you don't have to love someone to respect them. You just have to be a decent human being.
You'reasian Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 My bf recently told me that something that makes me a good girlfriend is that I don't do things that make him jealous. To me, that translates to just being respectful of him and of our relationship. For example, this comment was sparked by a discussion about drinking - I choose to not put myself in certain sketchy situations or scenarios by not getting too drunk if my bf isn't there with me. Even when he is I don't get super drunk - probably once in the two years I've known him. My impression is that he's a little (or a lot) cynical about women because of previous experience and relationships. I also see this a lot on this forum from men - and I also see females posting things that just makes me sigh. I hate to sound judgmental, but to me it just seems like there are so many easy ways to just NOT have certain types of problems, or to cut down on them at least - and I think a lot of it comes down to RESPECT and ACTING like you want to be in the relationship and are into the guy. This might manifest itself in different ways depending on each individual/couple, but I still think that's what it comes down to. Well said. If its a serious relationship, its all about respect, accountability - treat them the way you'd want to be treated.
bhweller Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 It's not that hard in theory at all. The problem is emotions clouds everything. The theory is this. Show that you care and love someone and will support them, but won't take any bad behavior, if there is any then walk off. + emotions and it becomes. So I've been dating this girl for 6 months, and she just gave another guy a blowjob, what should I do? My BF ignores me all the time and hasn't called me in a month. You reckon he loves me or just lost his phone? hahahaha most excellent And most importantly, if this kind of thing happens over and over again, then it is definitely something wrong with YOU. That is the hardest part to deal with.
sweetjasmine Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Respect, but more importantly empathy for your partner builds a solid relationship. The people who post here some times project their past pain into all new situations. This in turn threatens to infect their current relationships. hahahaha most excellent And most importantly, if this kind of thing happens over and over again, then it is definitely something wrong with YOU. That is the hardest part to deal with. I agree with these two posts. I think the "I cheated on my bf, and now he's mad, how do I get him to stop being mad?" thing is an empathy problem and an inability or reluctance to admit you're either partly or fully responsible for what's happened.
boldjack Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Being a good BF/GF is all about two things. 1)knowing your partner and 2) respecting your partner. An example: I dated this girl, for about 3 months, I told her very clearly , not to ever try to make me jealous. She either didn't respect my boundaries or didn't know me well enough to realize that I mean, what I say. She and 6 other friends went out to a basr , while I was working. I met up with them, later and they were already drunk. My GF had decided to go topless, along with the other girls. I took her home, told her that we were finished and left.
seoa Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Why not think "how can I make him happy he's dating me" instead of wondering why he DOESN'T want to date you when you act a certain way? See, I know what you're trying to say here, but there are a lot of people who do try to "make him (her) happy" and end up becoming doormats... It's hard to tell from your post if your bf is healthy and genuinely complimenting you for behaving in a similarly healthy way, or if he has hidden scary jealousy issues, and needs you to be "good" to keep his crazy within bounds... I'm not saying you have a problem in your relationship, but for other readers, I'd like to add to Boldjack's list: Being a good BF/GF is all about two things. 1) knowing your partner and 2) respecting your partner. 3) having your partner know you 4) having your partner respect you If you focus on being a good gf/bf, without expecting your SO to also be good, then you're only having half a relationship...!
Author New Again Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 See, I know what you're trying to say here, but there are a lot of people who do try to "make him (her) happy" and end up becoming doormats... It's hard to tell from your post if your bf is healthy and genuinely complimenting you for behaving in a similarly healthy way, or if he has hidden scary jealousy issues, and needs you to be "good" to keep his crazy within bounds... I'm not saying you have a problem in your relationship, but for other readers, I'd like to add to Boldjack's list: 3) having your partner know you 4) having your partner respect you If you focus on being a good gf/bf, without expecting your SO to also be good, then you're only having half a relationship...! Good points, and I can see how what I wrote can be interpreted that way, but bf is very well-balanced. What I wrote also weren't his exact words, it was how I edited the conversation and put two related but unconnected thoughts (in the conversation) together for the sake of having a short post - I was trying to get some stuff done and get out of the house. I should've edited for clarity, however. Mostly I was just choosing to focus on the on aspect - everything else being equal, here's what I can/should do. But yes, it's a two-way street!
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