turbohips Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Heres what's happening: I met this guy when I came to visit some friends. We spent the whole night together, and we discussed entering into a relationship together, but agreed to take it slow. Fast forward a few weeks or so: Our mutual friend (the guy I was interested in before this guy came along) rings me and says he's in town and wants to hangout. So I oblige, not thinking anything of it. We end up having rather unemotional sex. I go home. I talk to the other guy and find out that he knows (his roommate told him). We agreed to talk. Not sure what this will lead to, but I am giving him until Monday to cool off so we can discuss this and hopefully try to repair our relationship Advice/Pointers?
JustLooking123 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Maybe you should take a little more responsibility for your actions? Sure, you "end[ed] up" having "unemotional" sex, but you made the choices that led to that and could have changed your mind at any point. Also, I'm confused about what do want. A casual relationship that gives you freedom to sleep around, or a serious relationship with guy #1? None of the above?
loveslife Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Well, you cheated on him with his friend. What advice or pointers are you looking for exactly?
New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Figure out what it is that you want. From the OP I'm assuming that this discussion about moving toward a relationship but taking it slow was mutual and not just what the other guy wanted, right? In which case, he has every right to be mad. He probably feels betrayed and disrespected. Everyone has their own boundaries, but if I had that conversation with a guy, I wouldn't be sleeping with other people - I would be acting like I was interested in a relationship with him. I also wouldn't put up with him sleeping with other people, because I would expect the same thing in return. But I suppose that's the tricky thing about these types of relationships. Your "out" here is that you aren't in fact in any kind of committed relationship and you don't answer to him. From the OP it's unclear exactly what your relationship with him is (are you sleeping together? Hanging out, dating, calling, etc.?). I'm guessing that at least part of what's going on here is he's upset at finding out - meaning that his friends know you're sleeping with other people. It's like adding insult to injury, ya know? Personally I'm not a huge fan of dating around - I tend to focus on one person at a time. However, I think it's really important to be very clear about your expectations and so on. So whether you're like me, or whether you're not, everyone's on the same page. This means whether or not you are free to date other people is NOT ambiguous or open to interpretation. And on top of that, other people you're dating should NOT be thrown in the face of anyone else you're dating. Whether it's on facebook, through the grapevine, or whatever, YOU wouldn't want to know who else the guy you're interested in is sleeping with would you? You might be aware that it's a possibility, but I don't think any good could come from knowing specifics. It helps keep complications less complicated. He's probably also wondering what this says about you and weighing that against his values and what he's looking for in a gf. I'm not trying to sound judgmental, but most likely after that conversation he expected certain things of you, and you may have come up short in his eyes. He probably expects your actions to match your words. It seems that your expectations and boundaries and his expectations and boundaries aren't lining up very well, and that's probably what you two need to have a conversation about.
alexxx Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Heres what's happening: We agreed to talk. Not sure what this will lead to, but I am giving him until Monday to cool off so we can discuss this and hopefully try to repair our relationship Advice/Pointers? No offense, but I think you have reasonable expectations. First you cheated and then "giving him until Monday"... I think it would be best for you to move on, because there are really only two possible scenarios: 1. Your bf dumps you. 2. He stays with you. I know you think of 2 being a better option, but is really not. Cheating leaves a stain in your relationship forever. Besides, you probably want to be with somebody who has a backbone. If your bf forgives you, you will lose any remaining respect for him and, eventually, you will cheat again/leave him. Sorry, ,maybe this is not what you wanted to hear, but we should all be responsible for our own actions.
lostsunsets Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Doesn't sound to unemotional for the other guy. If he's smart he would run from you. You had casual sex with another guy when you were talking about having a relationship with someone else. Doesn't that strike you as a little strange? Oh that's right you weren't expecting to get caught. Give him till Monday to cool off? I am sure he will call, if only to see if he can get some of that unemotional sex too.
Javelin Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Advice/Pointers? Work on yourself, you aren't relationship material right now.
Brady_to_Moss Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 You wanted a relationship with this guy..end up sleeping with another guy...and want to fix it? Some people will just never learn.
mark982 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 your screen names kinda fitting. you cheat on bf,THEN give him a deadline to get his crap 2gether. you do have problems to work on though---just look in the mirror.
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