Ray of Sunshine Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201851/ If you want to know the background of my story...then it's in the above link...however it's looooong. Right now I am in 4 or 5 days of NC...I didn't text him to say I was doing this I just did it after our last converstion by phone. I hung up and that was that. My s/o of 4 years...decided to walk away from what we had...cause he had met someone who had gotten under his skin as he told me. He met her the day after my birthday July 13. They were attracted to each other, they talked...got to know each other, shot some pool together and somehow decided they were in love. He had already introduced her to his family...a very important step that it took us a year to do. And he told me about this the end of August when I was supposed to visit him for two weeks. However he did want to remain friends...after giving me time to heal from the hurt he had caused me. I somehow can't be a friend to him right now and am not sure I could ever. Though I will say...he was my best friend...in the truest sense of the word. There was nothing we couldnt talk about or share together. Last night he texted me....if we had been together...and none of this happened...then this text would be nothing more than a way to spend time together. He was watching the race...something we did together...whether I was there with him or not. It'ss one of the ways we made our LDR work. I was watching the LSU game last night...cause LSU football takes number 1 slot with me anyday. So I missed his text asking me if I was watching the race. That's all it said. From there normally I would have told him whatever and we would have gone back and forth about high spots in the telecast. I know he is having serious doubts about his decision to leave our relationship...his voice mails to me have been very sincere... I can't help but wondering if I should text him back today...saying sorry I missed his text and no I did not watch the race. How'd it turn out? I mean what would that hurt? If he is truely remorseful and seriously doubting he made the right choice. Then the way I see it...is it takes a big man to own up that he was wrong in doing what he did. Maybe this could be a wake up call...kinda like a good slap up side the head learning lesson....when you think there's that something better over the rainbow?
muse08 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 not sure what you decided to do, but you started off well. hope you stayed strong. if not, at least you didn't tell him you were going to do this. that way, he wouldnt have taken your words seriously. i told my ex, who i broke up with, that i didnt want him to contact me, especially calls. he continued to do so anyway several times maybe because i would give in and answer his calls. just today i felt fed up with him altogether and said it once again. he kept calling and texting anyway...not sure what goes through his mind. so basically as long asyou are not the one initiating the contact, i don't think it's a big deal if you reply.something short and sweet should do it. at least he doesnt know that your intention is to go through with no contact.
Author Ray of Sunshine Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I did reply...just told him no I did not watch the race...watched LSU instead. He did not reply back as I left no room for one. I decided not to tell him of my decision for no contact because everyday my emotions are different. I really have not gotten to the mad part of it...with the exception of one email in answer to his right after he walked. It was the most ridiculous email and coming from him...I was really sickened by it. It was one of those pity emails...oh woe is me what have I done. My reponse to him was..."Looks like you got yourself a little pity party going there. Pardon me while I decline my invitation...I'm NOT the person you want in attendance right now. " He apologized later by phone. I do not see a point in contacting him...from my end. He wants to call...he can. But as the days go by it gives me time to think about the whole picture. I miss him dearly...even though he walked away. I do wonder if he acted on impulse more than anything. And I just got a text from him asking me to call him. So let me call see what this is about.
Author Ray of Sunshine Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Well...this was surprising. He realizes he made a hasty immature decision. He and this woman have hardly talked since the day he told me about her. He said due in part to him having doubts about leaving me. Long story short...I listened to what he had to say and told him I had to have time to heal from the hurt this situation has caused me...and we would take it day by day. That's all I know I can do at this point. He has sincerely apologized, he is definitely remorseful. He does seem to be shaken by this whole experience. Now i understand what my grandma meant when she used to tell my grandad "now it's time for someone to be eating some crow...and it ain't me." I guess I should ask y'all something before it may happen. My daughter's wedding is this weekend...he was sent an invitation of course but when he broke it off with me...it went unsaid that he wasn't coming. If he should still want to...should I say it's ok? He knows my whole family. They know nothing of this breakup. Not sure if he should come or maybe just wait awhile. We were on the phone about three hours when his battery died....so conversation will resume later today. I am still so hurt that I worry about my ability to really be seeing this in a diplomatic fashion. This site has really helped me gain insight to how some of my emotions work...and why they are there. I really have never understood why when we are in love and rejected...that we have the desire to stay instead of walking away. And I guess the best way I know to describe it is dedication to commitment. There are just those of us in life who are going to follow something through til the bloody end! I really do feel like we have something unique and special beteen us. And he admitted to taking that for granted. So as long as he admits to and learns lessons from his mistakes....then I see that as a step in the right direction.
bhweller Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I hear and sympathize, but its a mistake. You know your logic is telling you this, and that is why you stopped contacting him. He is acting as if things have changed, and you want to believe it, but it isn't true. Nothing has changed except that other woman didn't want him. Nothing has changed except that other woman didn't want him. Nothing has changed except that other woman didn't want him. He didn't show you off to his parents for a year, but he showed the other woman off before he was really even dating her. That should tell you something, and actions speak louder than words. He is using you as a security blanket.
NopeNah Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I hear and sympathize, but its a mistake. You know your logic is telling you this, and that is why you stopped contacting him. He is acting as if things have changed, and you want to believe it, but it isn't true. Nothing has changed except that other woman didn't want him. Nothing has changed except that other woman didn't want him. Nothing has changed except that other woman didn't want him. He didn't show you off to his parents for a year, but he showed the other woman off before he was really even dating her. That should tell you something, and actions speak louder than words. He is using you as a security blanket. This!! His plan "A" didn't work out so, now he's right back to you? You're worth way more than that.. Hell.. He only text you to call him, you do, and BAM!! You want him to come to her wedding? I'd suggest asking your daughters opinion on this matter, as it's her day. You seem very quick to answer texts and call him back for someone that's implementing NC..Just my take but, for someone to "get under his skin" he had to be at least out looking for that and he will be again!
Author Ray of Sunshine Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 You may be right. I am not sure about any of this. I have not given him a final answer on anything. All I have done is listen and told him I am hurting, I need to heal and he has issues he will have to resolve before this can even begin to work. HE is the one who has said he will show me. I guess time will tell. I'm not going to make any rash decisions. But if he shows up on my doorstep...then I need to be prepared to deal with it. When he went to charge his phone, he asked me if it was ok to call later and I agreed for today. I am curious to know why you think he only came back because it didnt work out with this other woman. He is free to be with anyone now. He doesn't have to call me and say this knowing he could hurt me again. And he told me this morning, he would never call me if it meant he would hurt me again. He does realize we are starting over at this point...so why bother with that? Right now today...we are not committed...so why wouldn't he just find someone else? Unless he realized he had more with me than he thought. Just throwing ideas at this point.
Author Ray of Sunshine Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 oh and btw...before he got in touch with me today...apparently he got together with his family and told them he had made a grave error. He was told by them NOT to contact me if he had any doubts whatsoever. That to go back to me and hurt me again would be cruel...so he was to make sure before taking that step to call me.
NopeNah Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 You are comfortable to him. He knows what to expect from you and he wants it NOW. It's the same as when my ex wanted to try again. I had moved on nicely and was seeing a few different lady's, one of whom I really clicked with. however after meeting up with my ex I became comfortable again. I then made the mistake of taking the path with least resistance. The only problem was that path went no where. She had made zero changes within herself. Sure, she put on an act the first week or so. The "show" lasted about a month before I had to be the one to leave this time. The trust was gone and EVERYTHING I'd ever hated about her was and is still there. I know people change as I have..but, only if they want to.. Take your time with this..Give it a month and see how you feel.. I wish I had! Thankfully for me the one girl I "clicked" with is very understanding with me as I was upfront from the start about where I was emotionally so, we're back to seeing each other.
NopeNah Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 oh and btw...before he got in touch with me today...apparently he got together with his family and told them he had made a grave error. He was told by them NOT to contact me if he had any doubts whatsoever. That to go back to me and hurt me again would be cruel...so he was to make sure before taking that step to call me. He was selfish before with your feelings whats changed? Not trying to be mean at all...just keep your eyes open with this "man"
Author Ray of Sunshine Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I do appreciate your input praying4...and yours too bh. I have no idea how I will trust him again...I thought about therapy...where we go together, which he has agreed to. Like I said...he has made a step...a small one to discuss what happened. He assured me it was his mistake and nothing I had done. So he isn't making excuses for himself. I on the other hand have awhile to get past the hurt. I'm just drained. My best to you praying4 in your new relationship. I hope you are very happy for a long time to come!
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