red shoes Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I met a man through work and he's been suggesting get-togethers. The catch is, he would only suggest them indirectly. He would give me his number to call him or suggest a place and tell me we should go there. But he wouldn't do anything to fix a firm plan. If he was uninterested, he could have just not bothered. I don't get the let's-do-something-but-you-initiate-it thing. What gives?
stepka Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I don't either, and I'll never take the bait again on that sort of thing. One thing you could do is when he gives you his number--just take it and write your number on the back and give it back to him. That will firmly send the message that he has to do the setting up of the plans. However, he's being so wimpy I don't know if I'd be interested.
boogieboy Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I met a man through work and he's been suggesting get-togethers. The catch is, he would only suggest them indirectly. He would give me his number to call him or suggest a place and tell me we should go there. But he wouldn't do anything to fix a firm plan. If he was uninterested, he could have just not bothered. I don't get the let's-do-something-but-you-initiate-it thing. What gives? Because it works. So if you call him, you'll be proving that.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 A direct approach is too obvious and has a lower success rate than an indirect approach. An indirect approach also means the guy won't get his feelings burnt if he is rejected.
New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I take that type of behavior as meaning he has a low level of interest. Not sure how accurate that statement is, but IME, guys I've dated who initiate and take charge are the ones where things end up going somewhere. The guys who do what you described are the ones who inspire the "is he just not that into me?" threads you see on here all the time, because their behavior tends to remain pretty passive after you do finally go out. So he's probably interested at some level, but not THAT interested. Again, just my experience.
New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 A direct approach is too obvious and has a lower success rate than an indirect approach. An indirect approach also means the guy won't get his feelings burnt if he is rejected. If a woman is interested, either approach will work. Although many on this forum would find an indirect approach to be kinda wussy and a turn off I believe.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 If a woman is interested, either approach will work. Although many on this forum would find an indirect approach to be kinda wussy and a turn off I believe. Well the OP and this particular scenario is a bad example. But by indirect I mean it's best to get the girl interested first before making it know that a guy likes the girl. Let the girl know you like her too early and she can get spooked.
New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Well the OP and this particular scenario is a bad example. But by indirect I mean it's best to get the girl interested first before making it know that a guy likes the girl. Let the girl know you like her too early and she can get spooked. Oh. Fact!
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Lol, yeah actually it is fact. I always find it funny when girls disagree with things about women that men can see. We can see more clearly because we're doing the crashing and burning. After a while it becomes quite obvious that an indirect approach works better. I was discussing this the other day with female friends as well. Girls always go on about how guys are cute, etc. When it's obvious personality matters more to women a lot more than looks. Yet many women actually think they're visual creatues, it's weird.
New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Lol, yeah actually it is fact. I always find it funny when girls disagree with things about women that men can see. We can see more clearly because we're doing the crashing and burning. After a while it becomes quite obvious that an indirect approach works better. I was discussing this the other day with female friends as well. Girls always go on about how guys are cute, etc. When it's obvious personality matters more to women a lot more than looks. Yet many women actually think they're visual creatues, it's weird. I wasn't being sarcastic Although this approach doesn't seem to be working for the OP? This guy must've done something wrong ;-)
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Well he's showing interest without taking the risk, it's pretty bad. The best way would be to get the girl to like him, then ask her out on a date.
New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Well he's showing interest without taking the risk, it's pretty bad. The best way would be to get the girl to like him, then ask her out on a date. I suspect he's trying to be indirect though, he just skipped a couple steps and didn't do it right. Either way I doubt he has a very high level of interest, but that assumption might be based on my experience.
phineas Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 You said you have a working relationship? The last co-worker I asked out turned out to be a major cock-tease that was playing multiple guys at work & basically using us as human ATM machines. I figured it out & left her alone. She kept chasing me & wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually I told her I knew what was going on & to leave me alone. She told her manager I made her very uncomfortable & that she thought I was stalking her. I printed up my cell phone bill to show she was calling me every day at least twice & I was not calling her. I played the few VMs still on my phone she left asking if I wanted to meet her & her friends out at happy hour & showed her the text messages she sent me. Her manager told her to shut up or she'd be fired. I don't care to deal with that again. I no longer ask co-workers out. If they flirt & give the signals & suggest "I deserve a drink" & other things I still won't jump on it & wait a few weeks to see how they proceed. In my experience a tease will not stop flirting. They will keep trying & go to extremes just to get me to chase them or get me to buy their happy hour drinks. If their truly interested, they will downshift the flirting but continue to talk to me & try to figure out why i'm not asking them out or they will just ask me out. He gave you his number. Call him. you'll know if he's legit or not & won't have to wonder anymore.
Author red shoes Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Because it works. So if you call him, you'll be proving that. Why would that work? Why would he or anyone think it might work?
Author red shoes Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 A direct approach is too obvious and has a lower success rate than an indirect approach. An indirect approach also means the guy won't get his feelings burnt if he is rejected. Why does a direct approach have a lower success rate than an indirect approach?
Author red shoes Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Well the OP and this particular scenario is a bad example. But by indirect I mean it's best to get the girl interested first before making it know that a guy likes the girl. Let the girl know you like her too early and she can get spooked. But if the girl is also interested, why would she get spooked? Making it known that a guy likes a girl too late may also make her think he's not interested.
Author red shoes Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 You said you have a working relationship? The last co-worker I asked out turned out to be a major cock-tease that was playing multiple guys at work & basically using us as human ATM machines. I figured it out & left her alone. She kept chasing me & wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually I told her I knew what was going on & to leave me alone. She told her manager I made her very uncomfortable & that she thought I was stalking her. I printed up my cell phone bill to show she was calling me every day at least twice & I was not calling her. I played the few VMs still on my phone she left asking if I wanted to meet her & her friends out at happy hour & showed her the text messages she sent me. Her manager told her to shut up or she'd be fired. I don't care to deal with that again. I no longer ask co-workers out. If they flirt & give the signals & suggest "I deserve a drink" & other things I still won't jump on it & wait a few weeks to see how they proceed. In my experience a tease will not stop flirting. They will keep trying & go to extremes just to get me to chase them or get me to buy their happy hour drinks. If their truly interested, they will downshift the flirting but continue to talk to me & try to figure out why i'm not asking them out or they will just ask me out. He gave you his number. Call him. you'll know if he's legit or not & won't have to wonder anymore. Sorry that happened to you. We don't work in the same company but our companies had deals together and that's how we met. So I don't think he's using the indirect approach because he doesn't want to date co-workers.
espec10001 Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Guys that give girls their number are so stupid. Guys have to get THEIR number, because the ahem *balls* are in their court in the beginning. A guy should always get the girls number and call it. Giving a girl your number will just result in "oh that's nice" and she'll never call it. It shows he doesn't really *want* you.
Lucky_One Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 How well do you know him? He seems like a few guys I have met who have turned out to be either married or dating someone seriously. They give their number so that your number doesn't show up on their cell phone bill, and then they can tell their wife or GF with 100% sincerity that YOU called them and asked THEM out.
Author red shoes Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 How well do you know him? He seems like a few guys I have met who have turned out to be either married or dating someone seriously. They give their number so that your number doesn't show up on their cell phone bill, and then they can tell their wife or GF with 100% sincerity that YOU called them and asked THEM out. I don't know him too well.
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