muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 ok, i've been going through a break up for about 4-5months. i broke up with him because of several issues. he didn't agree or want the break up and tried doing some things to get back together, but some of those things to me were insignificant.thus i have never felt compelled to re-establish our relationship. i never stopped caring for him, but have maintained my position and no longer tell him i love him. i've been less available to him, but have still seen him a few times,but not much. he has now become vindictive and will purposely say or do things just to get a reaction from me, then say when i bring it to his attention he'll say things like "see, it doesnt feel good does it". my response is typically more like "if that's how you wanna act go ahead but this only makes me feel more confident about my decisionto to not be with you." he then acts like he doesn't understand what i'm saying then gets defensive. i've told him not to call anymore .still he continues. 3 days ago i went to a guy friend's house after work. my ex calls to find out what i was up to.so i tell him. he tried to play it cool then tries to tell me not to go. he then calls to check on me later that evening like 6 times! then once more at exactly 5:59am.i didn't pick up because i missed his call once. next time i was sleep...!he left messages basically saying "i told you i was gonna call but you're not picking up, etc". (mind you, he seems very "flat" even when saying stuff like this and it's very weird). so yesterday he said he wanted to see me but didn't call to follow through. i was silly enough to call him back.i said "this whole viscous cycle that's going on is not how things should be if you want things to work out.however,as i've said b4 this doesn't make me want you anymore than i did before.instead it makes me more confident in my decision to let you go". he "texted" back an hour later to say goodnight honey.will talk to you tomorrow.luv u". nothing more or less. he's alwys saying how mean i am for breaking up with him.i wasnt mean about the breakup.it just wasnt what he wanted. i'm sick of this now and want to say something to him to make him realize how crazy he's acting. he doesn't even have to try to see me because i wouldnt be communicating with him of he didn't initiate the contact.but it's annoying now, he still calls like he doesn't realize whats going on,he"ll call or text several inappropriate times if i don't pickup and i feel like i shouldn't have responded to him all these times. is there any reasoning with someone like him? what can i say to him this morning to make him really get the picture or should i just not respond at all?
JustLooking123 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Stop all contact with him ASAP. Maybe talk to him once more (or email if it's easier) to explain that in order to heal and move on, you cannot continue to see and talk to him, at least for the time being. Then do it. No calls, no texts, no visits. Right now, he is getting mixed messages from you, even if you don't mean to do so, because you continue to spend time with him. You guys are acting like you're still in some dysfunctional relationship. Time for that to stop.
Author muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 i agree with you. when i first broke up with up months ago, he came to my job looking all sad, with flowers i might add. but he looked like he was about to cry and begged me not to break up with him. i work at a different location now and he told me out of the blue the other day that he knows where i work. i was like "ok...what made you say that". he was like, i was just telling you. mind you we both live wat across town. he also said that his "best friend"/guy lives down the street from my current job. during his job which involves driving, that he saw my vehicle out in the paking lot and he could bring me lunch. i never responded to that because i don't want him coming to my job and thinking he can just pop up.
BUENG1 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 ok, i've been going through a break up for about 4-5months. i broke up with him because of several issues. he didn't agree or want the break up and tried doing some things to get back together, but some of those things to me were insignificant.thus i have never felt compelled to re-establish our relationship. i never stopped caring for him, but have maintained my position and no longer tell him i love him. i've been less available to him, but have still seen him a few times,but not much. he has now become vindictive and will purposely say or do things just to get a reaction from me, then say when i bring it to his attention he'll say things like "see, it doesnt feel good does it". my response is typically more like "if that's how you wanna act go ahead but this only makes me feel more confident about my decisionto to not be with you." he then acts like he doesn't understand what i'm saying then gets defensive. i've told him not to call anymore .still he continues. 3 days ago i went to a guy friend's house after work. my ex calls to find out what i was up to.so i tell him. he tried to play it cool then tries to tell me not to go. he then calls to check on me later that evening like 6 times! then once more at exactly 5:59am.i didn't pick up because i missed his call once. next time i was sleep...!he left messages basically saying "i told you i was gonna call but you're not picking up, etc". (mind you, he seems very "flat" even when saying stuff like this and it's very weird). so yesterday he said he wanted to see me but didn't call to follow through. i was silly enough to call him back.i said "this whole viscous cycle that's going on is not how things should be if you want things to work out.however,as i've said b4 this doesn't make me want you anymore than i did before.instead it makes me more confident in my decision to let you go". he "texted" back an hour later to say goodnight honey.will talk to you tomorrow.luv u". nothing more or less. he's alwys saying how mean i am for breaking up with him.i wasnt mean about the breakup.it just wasnt what he wanted. i'm sick of this now and want to say something to him to make him realize how crazy he's acting. he doesn't even have to try to see me because i wouldnt be communicating with him of he didn't initiate the contact.but it's annoying now, he still calls like he doesn't realize whats going on,he"ll call or text several inappropriate times if i don't pickup and i feel like i shouldn't have responded to him all these times. is there any reasoning with someone like him? what can i say to him this morning to make him really get the picture or should i just not respond at all? Telling him "this only confirms my decision to leave you", is just egging him on, as if he acts how you want him too, he'll have a chance. Just tell him we aren't together anymore and won't be together and don't want to hear from him. Then just don't take his calls.
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Telling him "this only confirms my decision to leave you", is just egging him on, as if he acts how you want him too, he'll have a chance. Just tell him we aren't together anymore and won't be together and don't want to hear from him. Then just don't take his calls. Change your number if you have to. If you don't cut off contact with him, he'll continue haunting your life and you won't be able to live it to the fullest.
Author muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 thanks leia.i'll just stop responding. i have changed my number 2 yrs ago b/c a guy wouldnt stop calling all hours of the night. this current ex wanted me to change my number for him to feel more comfortable. i refused. have the feeling that he will stop calling me this time...cant be certain,but i have that feeling.
Author muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Telling him "this only confirms my decision to leave you", is just egging him on, as if he acts how you want him too, he'll have a chance. Just tell him we aren't together anymore and won't be together and don't want to hear from him. Then just don't take his calls. good point. i called myself trying to avoid being mean by communicating with him. now it bit me in the face. he's vindictive and continues to try and communicate even after i've asked him not to.
Author muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 he started calling and texting earlier 2day; about 2o mins after i told him that i cannot continue to see or communicate with him. his first text was "what are you talking about?".then a voicemail which i immediately deleted because he will basically just say nonsense just to get a reaction.lastest text was that he was sick last nite and can i come be his doctor...what??? he makes some of the most off the wall comment considering the fact that we are not together and i just told him that i cannot see him anymore...duhhh? i have not responded and have decided to continue to not listen to his voicemails and just erase them before they play. i just hope that he doesn't just pop up at my place or at my job. i've heard him mention once when he was having problems w/ a coworker, that he could easily get revenge with his coworker without him physically doing anything himself...he meant he would have someone else to do his dirty work. :confused:as i realize what kind of person i'm dealing with i feel like i need to look at myself and examine more closely the type of men i allow into my life and why. i'm not like that...so why have i dealt with several guys who act like this...this is perhaps guy #3 who's been like this, i.e. vindictive and controlling, especially when i've decided to let them go.
boogieboy Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Examine the things that attracted you to these guys, and the things that you liked about them in general. Thats should point you in the direction. It could also be because you try not to be "mean" by not talking to them. When you dont tell them directly to stop talking to you and you dont stick with it, they will keep trying.
Author muse08 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 well boogie you're half right... for this situation. with the previous 2 guys though, i stuck to my word and had to get a protective order against one of them and change my number for the other. i was attracted to the attention they showed me and how consistent they were with doing nice things. however, i would eventually find out that they were very possessive, controlling or had some other issues that end up being dealbreakers. this last guy keeps trying to do really nice things each time he does something really dumb to be honest...and i have fallen for it.but i'm tired of the cycle and i have a gut feeling that something is really wrong with him. his brother is clincally diagnosed with an mental illness and so is his aunt and now i'm seeing some of the things in him. when i started realizing that, i started to back away. hence the breakup.
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