goatboytone Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I wake up and miss her being in my bed, staring at me with those beautiful eyes. Hearing her voice. I miss her sense of humour (that it what I fell in love with). Every morning I wake up and instead of a beautiful woman who I love my only company is pain and heartache. I"ve been sobbing for 30 minutes now, I'm meant to meet her her shortly to talk face to face about the break up for the first time. I just feel like I want to die. I don't give my heart away lightly if some one tells me they want my children, to me that is the most serious and deeply touching thing in my life. I can hardly bear this lonliness.
Author goatboytone Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 How do I run away from my own heart?
EricaH329 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 This is so sad. I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing myself. It's like all the things you never noticed before, are coming back to haunt you. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it isn't easy.
Author goatboytone Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Thanks for your sympathy Erica.I guess there is just no easy way round this, I am a little better now, but I will meeting her soon. Haven't seen her for 2 weeks as she's been on holiday and all I want is to make love and hold her all day. I need to try and remain unemotional and put my side across to her. She is very up and down and depressive and we have been in a similar situation before only for her to see that she wanted to be with me. I hope and pray that she will realise we have a good thing worth fighting for when we meet and talk. I just need to try and stay rational.
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 GBT, it isn't easy. You're in a lot of pain and it reminds me of the time I was in your place. Break-ups are hard. It'll pass.
Author goatboytone Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Thanks Leia, what I don't understand is that she went out with her ex for eight years and he treated her really badly. When we first got together she told me she was only interested in a real man who would treat her well. Well all I can say is that I've treated her like a princess, no whim of hers was too small for me to act on anything she wanted. I would go out and pick her bunches of wild flowers just to suprise her, breakfast in bed, reassurance that she was beautiful when she was feeling ugly. And all I get is a year of her time. It kinda makes me think that the 'nice guys come last' saying has some truth to it.
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Thanks Leia, what I don't understand is that she went out with her ex for eight years and he treated her really badly. When we first got together she told me she was only interested in a real man who would treat her well. Well all I can say is that I've treated her like a princess, no whim of hers was too small for me to act on anything she wanted. I would go out and pick her bunches of wild flowers just to suprise her, breakfast in bed, reassurance that she was beautiful when she was feeling ugly. And all I get is a year of her time. It kinda makes me think that the 'nice guys come last' saying has some truth to it. Isn't that human nature? To want something and then when we get it, we tend to mistreat it? I'm sorry she treated you that way, GBT. You didn't deserve it. You and I know that the saying; nice guys come last, is not true. You will come out a stronger person coz of this. Think positive, GBT.
BeSteady Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Thanks Leia, what I don't understand is that she went out with her ex for eight years and he treated her really badly. When we first got together she told me she was only interested in a real man who would treat her well. Well all I can say is that I've treated her like a princess, no whim of hers was too small for me to act on anything she wanted. I would go out and pick her bunches of wild flowers just to suprise her, breakfast in bed, reassurance that she was beautiful when she was feeling ugly. And all I get is a year of her time. It kinda makes me think that the 'nice guys come last' saying has some truth to it. Don't meet with her it will not help and will make you feel worst...
Exit Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I'm 4.5 months in and still suffer from the thoughts when I first wake up. It certainly is the hardest time of the day. I'm not sure meeting with her will do you any good. I hope for your sake that it does, but your heart may just get stepped on again. Have this meeting with her if you want, but if nothing good comes of it, don't continue contacting her.
Author goatboytone Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 I think i may have just screwed up big time. She came back to our home town today we said we would talk face to face about things. She came round to mine and we started off just by chatting and talking about her holiday. She had bought me this beautiful present and I had bought her a necklace. After we had exchanged gifts she started to kiss me, things got pretty heated but she stopped me before we got too far. So I said well let's hear what you've got to say then. She told me she'd been thinking that she needed space to find herself and didn't want to answer to anyone anymore. I replied that I still wanted to be with her, and would give her as much space as she needed, I told her that I belived people could still grow individually and find themselves whilst in a relationship. We chatted some more and seemed to be getting on really well although she had given me real answers. After a while it was obvious she was going to stay. 'Great!' i thought she told me she was still really confused about things and I continued to put my point across that we could both have what we wanted, we could still be in a relationship and she could be free to do whatever. Well, she got into my bed and we started to you know what, I'll spare you the details but she stopped me after while and said this is not right, I still want to be by myself. So now she is sleeping in my bed, while I type gently so as not to wake her. I'm hoping things will be better in the morning. I've asked her to give me a month to show her that what I say is true and she told me we will talk about it in the morning. Thing is she is knocked out and I can't sleep next to her, I'm to excited to be with her again even if it's just for one night.
Leia Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 GBT.... I don't think that was a smart move. I have a feeling you're in for a lot more of hurt.... I hope I am wrong. Let us know how things turn out in the morning.
D-Lish Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Well all I can say is that I've treated her like a princess, no whim of hers was too small for me to act on anything she wanted. I think this behaviour is part of the problem. A lot of guys confuse being a nice guy and being a doormat. A woman won't respect a man that bends over backwards to please her. I think you need to stand up to her, and stand up for yourself! 'Great!' i thought she told me she was still really confused about things and I continued to put my point across that we could both have what we wanted, we could still be in a relationship and she could be free to do whatever. . I've asked her to give me a month to show her that what I say is true and she told me we will talk about it in the morning. Thing is she is knocked out and I can't sleep next to her, I'm to excited to be with her again even if it's just for one night. Seriously, I am cringing as I read this. The fact that you are so eager to bend over backwards for her when she is throwing you crumbs... She won't respect you for this. I'm not surprised things aren't working out. You can still be "the nice guy" and have a good relationship, but you need to start standing up for yourself. Don't put up with her push/pull BS. When she wakes up in the morning, politely tell her you agree that the two of you need space from one another, then discontinue contact with her for a while. She's leading you around by the nose right now and you need to let her know that you won't put up with it.
Exit Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I think D-lish has it right, in the morning, you should be the one to say "you know what, that didn't feel right, we should give this a little more time". Show some backbone instead of having her be the one to make the decision. You're on the verge of getting another chance, she obviously have feelings for you, but you're putting way too much pressure on her to do something she doesn't want to do. Stop forcing her to be apart "While together", that isn't going to work. Let her go and if she comes back in the end it was all worth it.
Author goatboytone Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 I think something good may be coming out of all this, when we woke up in the morning I asked her again about the time to try and work things out, give her space etc. What I didn't mention to you guys was that before she went away on holiday, when we were still together. We had already talked about having space from each other as the relationship was becoming smothering for both of us, but as she was going away we stupidly didn't stick to our plan and spent ten days together solidly. When she then went on an amazing holiday she had this amazing sense of freedom that mad her question 'us'. I really can't blame her as I might have felt the same. So anyway I asked her again if we could just try and implement the plan we had before she went away. Space to reconnect with friends and find other interests, but still fundamentally together as a couple. She reluctantly agreed, I could tell she was really confused about what she wanted, she told me that she loved me and also that she wanted to spend that whole day with me, but as she was back to work the next day she couldn't.We ended up making love, but there was still uncertainty in her eyes afterwards. We stayed together until around 7pm and things slowly began to warm up between us. I helped her with her suitcase back to hers and her housemates asked if I'd like to stay for supper, I asked her but she thought it would be best if I left, 'don't push it' were her exact words. Still we left each other on good terms and she agreed once more that we would try to work it out. I was pretty elated as I left her to go home thinking things were at least better that 24 hours ago. She'd asked me to send her a text, but had no credit to text back so I sent her a text saying it had been really nice to see her and that I hoped she slept well. This is where I need some advice, this morning I just didn't want to get out of bed I was in there for a good 11 hours, I feel depressed again and am worrying that being without me will only reinforce her belief that she needs to be alone. I have an almost overwhelming urge to text her again just to remind her about good stuff between us. I have the feeling that we need to spend some real quality time together before we have a prolonged period of space so she can the beauty in our relationship and then think on that also while I'm not there. I'm so down right now, I really want to make this work, but am confused as to how to go about things in the right way. Sorry about the length of this post I just didn't want to miss anything out. Please help guys, I feel so alone and empty.
Suzy Lee Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Hey, don't go down that road please... You're obviously on your way to make things better, no now be careful and make sure you're giving her the space she needs. She will more likely miss you IF YOU DON'T TEXT, so don't. Not yet. Wait. Come and post here every time you feel depressed and lonely, and you'll see you're not alone
Author goatboytone Posted September 17, 2009 Author Posted September 17, 2009 Well she texted me on tuesday night after I'd been miserable all day. She was a little stand offish, but ended telling me that I was beautiful and that she loved me(after I told her). We made a vague agreement to meet up on friday night at this club, although I did ask to see her sooner, she wasn't up for it. After we finished talking we exchanged some sexual texts. The next day however I felt terrible, lack of sleep I think, I kept crying at work and couldn't be positive about the situation even though we'd has quite a positive call. I catch my bus home near where she works and stupidly I tried to call her and texted her asking if she wanted to meet up for a drink after she finished work. She texted back shortly after saying she still needed space. I gave her a quick call and apologised, saying that the drink think was just an excuse and I was missing her. She told me that she was still unsure about what she wanted, but she loved me and that was she was trying the space thing and that she would see me at the weekend. Just to hear her say she loved me without me asking her got me so high for like 24 hours, but now I'm back to paranoia and neediness again. I haven't texted her, although I want to check if we are still meeting up on friday. She said that it was probably best if I didn't text or call her and she would get in touch first. Thing is I'm pretty sure she still loves me, but at times I just feel like I'm letting her slip away by not seeing her and giving her some fun and love. It's so confusing! How do I remain upbeat and non jealous/paranoid/needy when I see her tomorrow? Any ideas? The first thing I'm going to do is not drink too much, but what if she's really drunk and gets flirty with other guys? Or she's not even being flirty but my paranoia starts coming on? Aaarghh!
NSW768 Posted September 17, 2009 Posted September 17, 2009 give her lots and lots of space. learn from my mistakes. i was like you a 3 weeks ago. she said she needed space and i couldnt handle it. i can relate to your post where you say u just want to remind her of the good times. but shes prolly already moving on. the best thing to do is not to text or call and stop asking if she loves you. i did all these things wrong and eventually she just said "its over" and thats what you dont want to hear. so man up, and go out with some friends. act like u got a bunch of other things to do and if she wants you then she has to make the move. the pain will be immense but its the only way... here is my thread from 3 weeks ago. if u read it u can see how i let my emotions take me over till finally its over. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t200021/
Maxwell Sage Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 Man... My break up was pretty similar... My ex told me that things didn't feel right between us and that she had been ready to move on... I wanted nothing more than to build a solid future for us... It crushed me when she eventually told me that there wasn't even a light at the end of a tunnel in terms of being together again... It hurt wayyyyy more when I was FORCED to accept this about a month and a half down the line, when she admitted she had a new boyfriend whom she enjoyed such an awesome connection with for over a month... It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up each morning... My advice is to except things for what they are. I know you're not ready to let go, but you have to at least accept the fact that she wants time apart, and that may or may not result in a break up. The others are right when they say that what you need to do most is wait for her to talk to you. I sincerely hope every thing works out the way you want it to. Just don't let your happiness become hinged on the relationship... People change all the time and unexpected things in life cause these changes more often than not. If it's making you this sad and depressed when she's yet to break up with you... I'm pretty scared thinking of what you might go through if she decides that you're not the one...
EricaH329 Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 If it's making you this sad and depressed when she's yet to break up with you... I'm pretty scared thinking of what you might go through if she decides that you're not the one... I've noticed that being in limbo is sometimes a lot worse than the actual outcome. I know that when me and my ex were on a break, it was a llottt worse than when we actually broke up. Just my two cents.
Author goatboytone Posted September 18, 2009 Author Posted September 18, 2009 I don't know if I'm over reacting or what I mean it has only been two days since the last time I spoke to her and she told me she loved me, but my world feels like it's been turned upside down. Part of me thinks she loves me and we are sticking to a plan we made together, part of me feels like she is just using this time to get over me while I hang around, I really don't want to believe that, but it's how I feel a lot of the time, but then again my paranoia has been a problem recently, which makes it all doubly confusing. I should be at work right now, but I couldn't face getting out of bed this morning. I kept getting up every hour or so throughout the night to check if she had texted me yet. I need to find strength that I didn't even know I had. This hurts like a kick in the balls.
wondering_girl Posted September 18, 2009 Posted September 18, 2009 hi, i can definitely relate to you, my bf of 4 years and i are supposed to talk so i told him all my feelings and he barely said 3 words to me.... he just told me he wasn't ready to talk, when he told me he was at first.. so now, i'm left out in the cold and the last thing i told him was, when you're ready to talk i'm here.... so he knows i'm waiting but it's like im waiting with fear, i don't even know what's going on.. i'm just like you.. i keep thinking, ok, since he doesn't wanna talk now maybe this is it, or like you said, wake up every hour to see if he texted, it's horrible, i can't sleep and i dream about him every night.. it's like you're waiting on a verdict of some sort.. because i've already said what i wanted to tell him....sometimes me waiting makes me think ok, he's gonna come back, but the days where there are no phonecalls or texts from him i keep thinking it's over.... i'm even scared whenever the day comes that he actually contacts me...... it hurts very badly i wish there was a button to make it go away. i miss him a lot.
Author goatboytone Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 Well I went out to meet her at the place we had spoken about, but it was being shut down by the police because of trouble with football fans. So I tried to ring her and tell her not to meet there. I sent a quick friendly text saying that the place was being shut down, but if she was out and about I would buy her a drink. I got no reply, she never turned up, I had been psyching myself up all day and I was feeling pretty positive that I would come across well. I had lots of comment off girls, some of them her friends, saying that I looked good. I tried to stay cool and not get upset. Eventually I asked one of her friends if she was out and they told me that she had been planning to come and had been in contact with them all night checking where they were but decided not to in the end. The night got worse and worse, several bad things happened that I wont go into here, suffice to say that I felt a bit cursed. I ended up breaking down and crying, but my good friend managed to get me away from everyone so it was in private. I am so down I want to meet her at work today and tell her to stop giving me mixed signals as it's killing me to think I'm gonna see her after patiently waiting all week and then for her just to not turn up without a word of apology or anything. Also she owes me Fifty pounds that she promised to pay me this week and I need it. How do I stop getting walked over like this? I can't think straight, never know what the right thing to do is. No sleep, no appetite, I'm staring to miss time from work because when I'm there I just cry all the time. I feel like I'm losing it.
Author goatboytone Posted September 19, 2009 Author Posted September 19, 2009 One thing that I can't stop thinking about is her family, she had a really close, large family group, whereas I am not close to my family at all. When I told her this she said to me, well you don't have to worry about that anymore because you are part of my family now. I went to meet them a couple of times and they were so nice to me I got this card from them the first time I went round saying "welcome to the family, you have made Lindsay so happy". When i think about this it just kills me. Now I feel like I have lost my best friend, my lover and a family too. I feel so alone, even my friends have started to ignore my calls because all I do is talk about her.
wondering_girl Posted September 19, 2009 Posted September 19, 2009 hi, i'm sorry for ALL of us going through this, i just woke up and of course, i had a dream about him again last night.... goatboy, you sound just like me, i'm a BIG mess too... ya know when you said she never showed up, well my bf.. well that is if he still is, agreed on another time before, but sent me a text an hour before saying "I'm tired, can we do it tomorrow" after me practicing what i wanted to tell him all day long, psyched, anxious, all the feelings you can think of and they didn't show up....- he actually stood me up, then we had the diner the next day and he barely said 3 words to me, he just stared... what i'm trying to do now is just work on me, even though some days are hard, no phone calls asking me what i'm doing on he weekends and i miss him so much.....last thing i told him was when he's ready i'm here... and given him his space it's been 6 days since our last conversation, and i don't know where this space is going to take us..... i guess either to make it or break it.... it hurts, i'm seriously wishing it's to make it, but i can't eliminate the other potential result as well...
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