Sigh....

[Pain Redefined]

Ever since I was old enough to notice them, women have seemed to be the bane of my existence. When you are young, say late teens to mid twenties, love interests seems to come and go. One breaks your heart and you pick up the pieces, moving on shortly after...that is life.

 

The story of my recent relationship "crash" is not new. This happens to people all over. Happens to everyone male and female. Young and Old. Countries all over the world. I share this story as I need incite as to the tiny nuances that I may be missing. I write this, a lot for myself and a lot because if there is something I am missing, perhaps someone on the outside looking in can see it. Here it goes:

 

I met this woman at a time in my life where I was a few months out of my last relationship. (that one lasted 3 years and ended messy) This woman was older that I was, I was 26 at the time she was 32. She had 3 children, 1 from her previous boyfriend and 2 from her previous marriage. A beautiful woman, not exactly the poster girl for "Let's be in a relationship" with all her baggage but there was something about her I really liked. We hung out for a while, but I was very hesitant to trust her. When I say trust I mean trusting her with the "L" word and allowing her all the way in to who I am. After about 6 months I gave in and we "Officially" dated. A year after that I moved in with her. I found out that she was living off of child support/disabilty and had some mental issues in the past. Issues that I never saw and she was on medication and she was past them...or so I thought.

 

I lived with her for about 7 years never fighting at all really. We loved each other and did everything with each other. She was my best friend in the world and I was hers. Her parents moved out Texas to be with her other family members. I could tell that it bothered her a lot to be away from her family. Despite not having a lot of money, I flew her out as often as I could. Every time she came back she would tell me how nice it was out there. Finally she talked me in to it, we would move out there. I flew her down to Texas first where she got a job and a house to rent. I would feed her money from our old house on the east coast. I took out my retirement monies and left my job for the move out to Texas. I bought a new car, sent her thousands of dollars for new things etc. I packed up our belonging from our old house and sent them out. I drove out to Texas to be with her.

 

For the first 6 months everything was really great. I survived off my retirement money and what little money she made at her job. I was actively seeking employment but things proved to be taking a little longer than expected. Sometime in Spring this year she told me that she was not happy. She, for the first time, my love, my best friend could not tell me that she loved me. I listened to her concerns, she told me that she felt strained and that she was so stressed that things felt like they were piling up. We spoke and worked on it over several months. Things got better.

 

Fast forward to the middle of August.

 

I woke up early in the morning, grabbed my coffee and came out on to our porch. She followed. I looked at her and noticed she was not wearing her engagement ring. She told me that she wanted to break up. Emotions flew. I got in my car and went for a drive. When I got back she had left a note stating she would be at her parents house for the night. When she returned the following morning emotions had calmed some and we talked. I asked her for some reasons. She stated she felt she was doing everything alone. I asked her if there was someone else and she said no. She said that she feels like all she does is work and sleep. This is leaving her no time for me. I told her that I am happy here and that we can work on the issues we have. I told her that things will get better. She was having no part in it. Since I had no support system in Texas, no steady form of employment, I was pretty stuck in this situation. I told her that I had an interview that week, and since she was keeping all of the household items etc, it would take me a few weeks to get the money together for a new place, dishes etc. She was fine with that.

 

Over the next few weeks, we spoke about normal things yet things were not the same between us. She would text me to ask if I wanted anything on her way home and was civil with me, but def. not the same as things between us used to be. On Sept, 8th she told me that she wanted me out of the house. I reiterated that I was close to having the money to leave and that it was a wed and on Friday I would get my check and be gone by Sat morning at the latest. She told me to get out now. She was breathing heavy and screaming at me at the top of her lungs. I again told her that I have no place to go. She threw 40 dollars at me and told me to "Get the F*** out of her house" I really had no choice at this point. I started to pack my car up with the little things I could grab. She would not let me take many of the things that I needed as she claimed they were hers now. She would not let me take my dog as she stated that "Home less shelters do not allow pets". As I was about to leave, the police arrived. They came because at some point she had called her mom and told her about the fight we had and that I was packing my stuff. At some point, my girlfriend told the police officer she thought i was going to kill myself. Let me be clear here. I never stated or thought any such thing. I never raised my voice to her at all and I especially have never laid my hands on her or any woman, ever. I explained this to the Police Officer. As a matter of fact, I am a Police Officer so I have a little more knowledge than most on this type of thing. The Officer that responded told me that I had 2 choices. I could go voluntarily to a mental health place, talk to someone to clear me then grab my car and go, or they would force me. I again stated I was not suicidal and just wanted to go. They were not having it.

 

So...the one hour they told me it would take turned in to 1 full day before the doctor could see me and clear me. The doctor questioned why I was brought in the first place....I jumped in my car and left. Stopped at the bank to find she had emptied our bank account to zero balance. I had only the 40 dollars she threw at me. I drove non stop from Texas to the east coast on credit cards and 40 dollars cash. I had given this woman all the money I had, every bit of it went in to that house and the only thing I had left was my clothes, some toiletries, and the car I bought. She even shut my cell phone off sometime the next day, so i had to purchase a new phone for my trip!. So left with no answers, no clue what had happened, I sit here in a fog...I have no idea what to do now. I can guarantee you this much, never...again. I told her that if it was someone else...fine. I told her that if she does not want to be with me and wants it over...fine. I am a great guy, college educated with a great background..I will bounce back no matter what. I just really question how people can do such things to others. I mean...seriously....

[Excellent]

Unbelievable..

 

I will never understand people who are able to treat others like that, and in your case, after so many years together. She must have huge issues, but i think her sudden actions of throwing you out by any means necessary was to cover up on something else. It's only speculations tho, one can really never know what the deal is unless you have proof.

 

I hope everything works out for you, stay strong!

[goatboytone]

What a story man. The thing I want most in the world is a good woman who will never leave my side, but goddamn, how can somebody we've given so much to just turn their backs on us. I would never do that! I suppose at least you have the small benefit of being able to be very angry at this woman for what she has done. I wish my ex was being horrible, my problem is she is being so sweet and nice, but just that when she told me she wanted to marry me and have my children she wasn't really ready. Great. That's a big consolation to me.

[JaggedRoad]

Wow, your story scares the living daylights out of me. I'm glad you were civil during the whole mess. I wish you the best of luck =/

[hellothar]

Look if this were me I am finding out exactly how much was in that joint bank account, going to a lawyer, and getting it one way or another. It's one thing to split up, and another to do so with such premeditated and mallicious intent. I think you need to get a lawyer and get what you deserve, and no way no how let her say "oh things will be different now" when this little fit goes away.

 

Good luck with everything

[DustySaltus]

This is right up there with one of the most devastating stories I've heard and I'm sorry you had to go through this. Unfortunately, this sounds a lot like my story (look at my old threads) except for the fact that mine was in a lot shorter timeframe. Kicking you out, calling the cops..these are things that are just inexcusable. I would tell my ex that we needed to go to couples counseling and she would just dismiss it. I'd never gone to it before and didn't think I needed it but I wanted it to work.

 

If only one person wants it it to work or only one person thinks their is a problem the realtionship is DOOMED.

 

Look, she had two kids from a first marriage that didn't work out. Then she had another one. Based upon what you are telling me about her it seems that the others probably ran for the hills.

 

I mean its not like its one or two things, she has a list of issues. I know it hurts like hell but in the long run you'll know it was the right decision. Although you may feel like you could've helped her with her issues don't ever think it was your fault. You did A LOT.

[Pain Redefined]

I appreciate all the responses. She def. has some issues when it comes to her mental health. It is difficult to see someone who you have shared so much with, suddenly treat you like trash. I know I am better off without her. I know that in the long run things will turn out for the best. It is the crash factor that hurts the most. I explained the crash factor to her as simply as I could when I was trying to tell her not to make sudden decisions:

 

In a relationship, sometimes I am driving, sometime you are. Regardless, we are both in the front seat. Sometimes I am your navigator, sometimes you are mine. What you are doing to me is slamming on the brakes, coming to a sudden stop, getting out of the car without saying a word. I do not expect the world given to me. Relationships are hard, if they were not, everyone would be happy in one. You simply just do not treat people like common trash. Everyone has feelings and that is something that has seemed to escape her.

 

 

I said this to her a few days before she kicked me out. I hope that it sinks in some day for her.

[patkirk]

I have to commend your level headedness despite what you've gone through. Many people wouldn't have been able to handle what she put you through, it's downright horrible! but I guess having seen the way she behaved might actually help you to move on faster. Don't give up though, there's plenty of wondeful women out there.