Hit a new low today.... and keep falling

[leap83]

I don't know what is wrong with me and why I can't seem to move on. I got my life back on track and everything is going perfectly well, but I'm not happy. I think of him constantly, what could have been, what I could have done, etc. But none of it really makes sense because we would have ended up the same way even if things were done differently.

 

My job right now is bringing me down. I'm seeing a lot of couples... couples in love and today it made me want to go and date... find happiness... but yet I was so sad and I still am really, really down and I have no idea how to pick myself back up.

 

I walked into the apartment already feeling stressed out and really, really down and then my mom accused me of being rude towards her and now she's angry at me on top of everything else. I have no idea how to handle anything right now. And in the end of it all, I miss him so much. It's a little insane (with all of the info I have gathered and knowing for a fact I should run for the hills). Why the hell am I feeling like this?! :(

[Exit]

I know how you feel, especially reacting to seeing other couples around.

 

I'm the same way, still in love with my ex despite finding out so many things about her and realizing I never knew the real her.

 

It does suck, especially when you have made an effort to get back on track. That's what I tell everyone, I haven't laid in bed moping, I've done everything imaginable to move on. But I think about her constantly.

 

Truthfully I don't think we really love these people that much. Obviously they don't deserve that much love. We're just lonely and we'd rather think about a lost love than nobody at all. A bruised ego does not heal quickly. Just this morning I was asking myself again how different this would feel if I had dumped her, which maybe I should have.

 

I've been working on controlling my thoughts. Maybe it's sick, but sometimes I have to go so far as pretending she's dead. Now I know what the phrase "dead to me" really means. When I feel the urge to text her.... cant', she's dead. When I wonder why she won't talk to me, how could she, she's dead. It sounds silly but for me it's been an effective method of "thought stopping". Of course playing pretend only lasts so long, and I know she's alive and well and loving someone else already.

 

Hang in there. Keep finding bits of happiness wherever you can.

 

According to a show on "positive thinking" I watched last night, don't sit around focusing on the things you lack in life, you're just attracting more bad things. Don't sit there and feel incomplete, don't sit there feeling broken that you haven't found your soulmate, otherwise it'll never happen. Work on feeling content, happy, and complete right now, as hard as it may be, and supposedly more good things will come.

[leap83]

Thanks for that Exit. Yeah. I see what you're saying. What makes this issue incredibly hard was the fact that we still loved each other when we parted and still do. I didn't believe a word he said when we were breaking up, but now I do. I know why we broke up and why this can't be now. It's pretty obvious.

 

It's terrible. We didn't even date for that long and I'm taking this harder than getting over my 4 yr relationship. My heart sinks every time I think of him. He's supposed to call me next week and just thinking about it is making me feel uncomfortable. Now I finally get what he meant by stating that maybe it's better that we don't see each other because it would just hurt too much. It would hurt a lot seeing him and I don't think I would be able to stop sobbing. It's quite pathetic. I would never beg for us t be together again because it was a mutual decision and he's free to date anyone he wants. But right now I feel like calling him and saying that this was all our stupidity and fear of committing to each other. It sucks.

 

I could pretend that he's dead. I've tried hating him and it worked for a day, but then I was back to same old. I've tried thinking we will meet in future and everything will be different but that just gives me false hope - we destroyed our relationship to the point of not being able to go backward. I wish I exited the relationship when all of the issues popped up. It would have been much easier but I was in love with him and I couldn't imagine my life suddenly without him. What a fool I was thinking we could work this out! Everything is pointless now. I wish I could go on a deserted island and just stay there. It would make the whole process much easier.

[georgia girl]

Leap and Exit,

 

I feel so badly for you guys. Knowing your stories and having been there myself, it hurts. While no one can give you what you really want - your ex and your former life back - you both know that you can move on.

 

The bad times suck, really, really badly. But the good times will be back. Try to do something today to take your mind off of your ex. I learned when my BF and I were broken up that the best thing to do was to do thins with a friend and let him/her talk. That let me escape into someone else's world so the sadness in mine wouldn't overwhelm me.

 

Also, remember that you may no longer be mourning your ex but mourning your former life even more. The good news in that is that you don't need your ex to have that life again. Work on meeting someone new - or several someones new (eventually, just choose one). That gets you back out there, even if it isn't the same rush you felt when you met your ex.

 

Good luck and hugs!! I'm here for you!

[Exit]

Leap -- you're on the right track with realizing that contact will just keep the wounds fresh. For a long time I wrote back and forth with my ex on Myspace, we'd have occasional phone calls, and it just kept the wounds fresh. Eventually 4 months had gone by, she had moved on and I was sitting here shocked how long it had been already, keeping in touch with her and dwelling on what happened made it feel like the breakup just happened yesterday.

 

It keeps you in a state of purgatory, especially when it's things like "we'll talk next week", "we'll talk soon", you just keep yourself waiting.

 

At this point, you'd probably be better off to avoid that type of thing. It doesn't have to be forever, who knows what the future holds, but for right now, the wounds just need to heal.

 

Unless things are going to get worked out for the sake of the relationship, it's better to just not talk. Don't rehash the past for no reason, don't make an attempt to be friends. You'd either have to decide that you both want to try again, or let it go for now.

 

Change can be scary but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

[leap83]

I know. I know. I've been through this before. Everything in my life changed because of it - and I wanted it to change because I was on a bad path to never recovering from months of emotional abuse.

 

I don't know why this is so much harder than any of my other break-ups. I had enough to teach me a lesson on how to get over someone very quickly. I should have learned but I guess not. The reason why this is very hard and I figured out this yesterday night while I was talking to one of the ushers (I'm working with celebs for a week now) - Something doesn't feel right. I'm being honest about this. I still have his sweater and he has my book. He's supposed to call me this week and if he doesn't call me by Friday morning, I'll know that he has moved on and I'm just left in the dust. However, the bond that we have shared and still do is very strong and I tended to feel exactly the way he felt. I'm not even kidding. Before he even said anything, I knew what he was going to say. If he was feeling uneasy, I knew it without talking with him. And if that is still there (and I hope he doesn't feel like this because I don't want to see him in pain), then damn.

 

All of the other break ups felt right. They didn't feel right at the moment but then they felt right and I felt it was the right decision. This one - something is OFF. I'm telling you. And it's NOT because I don't want to believe it's over - trust me, if I could trade this feeling for something else, I would do it in a matter of seconds.

 

The girl I was working with yesterday who has a lot of experience in relationship and she's way older than me told me that she hopes the guy and I AT THE VERY LEAST stay friends because it's VERY RARE to meet someone so connected to you. And she said another thing: If I met someone like that, I would not let them go because it is rare to meet those people and you should keep this person in your life somehow. And you know what?! After thinking all night about it, I think she is right. I want to be with him. Don't get me wrong. But if we could preserve the friendship, I would be very greatful because - yes.... it is rare to meet someone who clicks with you on all the levels and with whom you get along so well.

 

Exit, I hear you. I have read some of your posts to other posters and you sound like an incredible guy. I truly, really appreciate your input. I'm going to try and balance everything. I have 4 more days to wait and see if he'll call - if he doesn't, then I'm going to have to let this go with regrets (even though I'm thinking of writing him an e-mail and saying how I feel about this - he can't deny the bond we have so I don't think he'll just shrug it off). I've been keeping myself pre-occupied.

 

Exit, I really hope you're doing well. Water helps. If you have a lake near you, sitting and listening to the sounds of it, helps with healing.

[silic0ntoad]

I find the stillness disturbing. I can't personally sit by water, a lake, or river, and feel content. I feel... harrowed. I try to be in areas where I can be around people... Lots of them. They don't know my story, so it's easier to get away. When I am alone, near a lake, wood, or whatever, it seems nature knows my story... And won't let me be at rest about it..

[Exit]

Leap, again, you sound like me. I kept telling my ex, aside from the specific problems we had, that the breakup just didn't feel right, that something was screaming in my soul that we were meant to be together, that we were giving up on the wrong thing. So far it hasn't done me any good. We had an incredible connection as well and I have spent much time trying to convince her that she will not be able to replace that so easily, but she is already with someone new and I'm starting to see her as a bit of a relationship chameleon, she finds strong connections with everyone she is with because she adapts her personality and interests, much like she did for me. I hope one day the words I said to her will sink in because I do still think we had something special.

 

As far as needing to exchange belongings, I dunno what to tell you. My ex had a bunch of my things and I told her "if you hesitate to give them back, it's only going to give me hope that we still have a chance". 3 weeks later I still didn't have my things. I finally had to go wait outside of her house as she left for work to confront her and get them back, and I told her how it played with my emotions that she waited so long.

 

It's been almost 5 months for me now and of course something still "feels off", I'm not with her. That feeling doesn't go away. And I still sit here thinking of some distant day in the future that she might come to her senses. But eventually it just becomes tiring and annoying to think about.

 

I hope for your sake you do have something worth holding on to and I hope he feels as strongly about it as you do.

 

Considering the amazing connection I thought I had with my ex, she has had no trouble completely eliminating me from her life and not looking back. I wish I didn't think we had something special.

[leap83]

Exit: Yes. Many people do that. If they're dumped they "think" the connection was there. I don't think you're like that (it was just a statement). However, I went out with a guy for 4 yrs and it never felt this right - from the beginning (it felt off - I don't know why I stuck through 4 yrs...). Nevertheless, the moment I met this guy (literally the moment), I was like "Damn it... I'm going to be in trouble with this one." And I was right.

 

I don't want to live in this world of what could have been, could be, would be, if... It's draining. So I'm not doing that. All I'm trying to do is make sense of what happened and I had a couple of weeks to think about everything.

 

Did he eliminate me from his life? Maybe. I don't know. I guess I'll know by the end of this week. I'm ready for anything that comes my way right now and once the punches come, I'll roll with them. I don't want to say that I wasn't dumped because I think we dumped each other - I had no patience for what he was saying (I told him this in a very calm manner). It was a rash decision on both of our parts. Yes, I believe the timing was off and if we met 6 months from now, it would have been different. But we didn't. We met when we met for a reason. What the reason is God only knows.

 

I don't spend my time thinking about this. Really, I don't even know what to tell him if he calls. I don't know if I will pick up the phone. I have nothing. Why? Because I didn't spend time thinking about it. I don't know if we belong together - maybe we do, maybe we don't. I just want this feeling of regret to go away. Now, why the hell would I regret everything? Because I think we rushed to conclusions, made rash decisions, are both stupid and should have handled all of this in a different way - ie. sat down and honestly talked about what he feels and I feel. I don't want to do that now, because I know it's too late. It's too late for our relationship to even blossom. I don't expect us to be together. I don't hope for it. The only thing I hope is that this feeling eventually wears off - and it's only been getting worse.

 

Your ex sounds like an idiot (no offense). If she adapted to your personality, then she doesn't have her own personality (yuck!). I feel your pain completely. How long were you two together? I had a VERY difficult time getting over the 4yr relationship, but not because I wanted him back. It was because I despised him and really just hoped he was miserable for the rest of his life (which is bad). So I spent a year despising him and now I'm okay. Now I don't care anymore. Even though he still contacts me from time to time and that's why my Fb account is closed right now.