A Question of Chemistry

[OwlInFlow]

Hello everyone. I’ve got an issue that is tearing me apart and could use some good advice. I’ve tried with friends (who are supportive) but they are finding it hard to understand my situation fully, so one of you might have been in the same position I am currently in and know how to help me.

 

To begin let me start by saying that I love my girlfriend, but I do not find our sex life nourishing. We have been together about 3 years. We have sex, not very often though (f/nightly, monthly), and a lot of the time it is initiated because she demands it. The intercourse itself is what I would call average, we can definitely manage to have sex (no erectile dysfunction etc) but it is not ‘knocking my sox off’. An orgasm with her does not feel as good as with an ex of mine who I was extremely sexually attracted to, and who’s chemistry I sorely miss. Basically most of the time I can take or leave sex with my current girlfriend, whereas in a previous relationship it was like food; I needed it. Just to throw a spanner in the works and really confuse you I have managed to have good sex very, very occasionally with my current girlfriend.

 

We don’t have the most ‘incident free’ relationship. Both being former drug users I one day made the decision that we should both stop using as it was messing up the relationship. Occasionally I find that she has been using, which makes me very upset and I feel ruins the connectedness and trust between us. I know that from time to time I will catch her doing this and have waited for those moments to come around (its about every 2-4 months) so that I can end the relationship; reason being the obvious in that the drug use messes things up between us, but also because a part of me misses the intense sexual intercourse that only strong physical attraction can bring and its times like this which seem safe to be able to get out. Herein lies the big issue: when I try to break up with her I don’t seem able to bring myself to do it and I always end up saying “if you do that again then that is it! No questions! Done!”, and later feel that I have let myself down a little. I have said this to her about 10 times now. Its obvious to me at these times that I love her (as I cant bring myself to end it), yet generally only during these times of impending separation.

 

I am hoping that some of you have been in a similar situation and may shed some light on how you dealt with it. Currently we are in a period of separation; I have been given some time to decide what it is I want to do and I am more confused than ever. Have any of you left a lover due to lack of sexual attraction, and if so do you feel it was the right thing? Have some of you been able to develop sexual attraction through a good connection? How much does sexual chemistry mean in a relationship? Any other answers or help would be much appreciated as I really am lost. If you need any more info just ask. Thank you

[cptnkingsgirl]

Yes!!! I left my husband for that very reason. I knew right away that there was no chemestry between us, but thought that "that" wasnt important. That i should chose someone who loved me and i would grow to be attracted to them. I was definately wrong. I am now with my soul mate. The ONLY man to "do it" for me years ago and spoiled me for all others. And i found him again....Never had an orgasm with any man but him....just never felt opened enough or adored enough or whatever to let myself go. From a womans perspective, its a lot about romance and chemistry. We need to feel adored and attractive in order to even begin to let ourselves go....If you dont feel the chemestry with this one....i would suggest you search your soul for what you really want. I couldnt continue fooling my husband any longer and couldnt cheat myself either. Making love is truly, as you said "something i crave, like food" i CANT GET ENOUGH from this man....and its all because of chemestry and our mutal attraction and admiration for each other.

[OwlInFlow]

Thanks for that. Im happy for you finding the right person for you on an emotional and physical level. Im still a bit confused though, im sure things will become clear in time.