New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 ...then don't suggest meeting up. Men and women, boys and girls, this is for all of you. Thank you, that is all.
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Sure, how about we grab a drink tomorrow around 7? Oh wait...now this is the part where you evade the concrete suggestion and change the subject...
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I wish I could, but I want to go to the gym and do a little bit of writing today, so I don't think I have enough time to go to the travel agent, pack, and fly over to the US. Let's take a rain check. In fact come over to my hood, I'll buy you a drink instead....
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Well at least that's a reason and not an excuse...much better than "oh, uh...so you're back in town huh?" wth?!
Brady_to_Moss Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I have done this before...like twice..told a girl i would meet up with her..then like you said..change the subject....oops I have gotten better tho!
Isolde Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 It's true not only of dating but also, and perhaps moreso, of friendship. One of the things I don't understand about my own culture/society, is why "let's get lunch sometime" is some sort of odd stand in for, "I like you, but won't necessarily squeeze you into my schedule because I don't like you quite enough for that." I'm not cynical about it, but it does strike me as amusing. I don't recall ever having been actually asked out and then had a guy change his mind before meeting me, but then again, I haven't done much online dating, which is where this seems to happen most often.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 It's true not only of dating but also, and perhaps moreso, of friendship. One of the things I don't understand about my own culture/society, is why "let's get lunch sometime" is some sort of odd stand in for, "I like you, but won't necessarily squeeze you into my schedule because I don't like you quite enough for that." I'm not cynical about it, but it does strike me as amusing. I don't recall ever having been actually asked out and then had a guy change his mind before meeting me, but then again, I haven't done much online dating, which is where this seems to happen most often. It's because in social interactions some things are better left unsaid. Saying "you're not important enough for me to make a proper commitment" doesn't go down well. Straight shooters don't understand this, hence why nice guys come last. Deceptive people unfortunately aren't usually punished for what they do because they understand human psychology well.
boldjack Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 What brought this on, NA? Did you get stood up or something?
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 ...then don't suggest meeting up. Men and women, boys and girls, this is for all of you. Thank you, that is all. Doesn't that annoy you?? I don't understand why they feel the need to make others feel as if they were really interested to hang out, when in actual fact they couldn't be bothered.
caramel c Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I don't understand. Somebody said lets meet up and they never showed up or what?
Isolde Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 It's because in social interactions some things are better left unsaid. Saying "you're not important enough for me to make a proper commitment" doesn't go down well. There is NO reason to say that you want to hang out with someone if you do not in fact want to. I would rather the acquaintance just didn't mention hanging out again. There's no need to give a reason, just as there's no need to fib. I don't get upset when individual acquaintances do this, because it's so widespread, but as a societal pattern, I find it irritatingly disingenuous.
littlewhiterose Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I agree, don't say it unless you mean it. I had something like that happen at work a few months back. It was just all around weird. Cuz there's that moment when you all realize the person is back-peddaling. Awkward.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Things become widespread because they work, not because they're right. If people could steal without going to jail, you know what would happen overnight? Generally: The dumb don't even see they're being manipulated The smart spot it and bitch The really smart spot it, roll with it. But in the back of their minds they know what the other person is made of.
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Sometimes I'd bump into old friends from university or high school and we'd chat a bit. At the end of the conversation, I can tell what they were going to say.... "Oh we have to go for coffee one of these days. I'll call you this [insert day]!" They don't call. Then the same thing will happen again the next time you bump into them... again. If I didn't want to hang out with someone, I wouldn't suggest anything... at all. It's really that simple!
caramel c Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yea, whatever happened to 'It was nice to see you. Take care!'
Leia Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yea, whatever happened to 'It was nice to see you. Take care!' I still use that. I can't be bothered to tell someone "oh hey... we have to have lunch together one of these days. WE HAVE TO!" [giggles] "I can't wait, ok, I call you this Sat... maybe we can have brunch on Sunday?? OMG! I can't wait!!!" Oh and she waits and waits for my call.....
caramel c Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I still use that. I can't be bothered to tell someone "oh hey... we have to have lunch together one of these days. WE HAVE TO!" [giggles] "I can't wait, ok, I call you this Sat... maybe we can have brunch on Sunday?? OMG! I can't wait!!!" Oh and she waits and waits for my call..... Thats the thing, if you have no intentions of making plans with or calling this person then don't suggest it! It's very easy not to.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Sure, how about we grab a drink tomorrow around 7? Oh wait...now this is the part where you evade the concrete suggestion and change the subject... Oooo, I ****ing hate that. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS??? I'm not even talking about dates, I get this with GFs. This chick on MS keeps asking me when we'll meet up, we should meet up, she misses me, etc...blah, blah, blah. I give a couple days as a suggestion to meet up, even suggest a place, and I never hear a word back. WTF? It's not like I went to HER page and begged her to meet up and gave the meeting place/time. SHE suggested the meeting, I expressed interest by giving time/place. So clearly, this annoys the **** out of me, too.
boldjack Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 It's like saying, "have a nice day", when most people could give a sh*t whether you have a nice day or not. It's a social platitude, and nothing more. I usually ignore any offers of future meetings, until I get an actual invitation.
wizardof7 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I agree with some of these comments . It just goes to show how weak people are when it comes to the truth . If I ask you to eat something you know you hate would you do it ? I don't think so . Say what you mean and mean what you say . Its just an excuse to be socially irresponsible . Most people can deal with the truth pretty well . And are always mad about being blown off . Why not tell the truth and be done with it .
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 It's true not only of dating but also, and perhaps moreso, of friendship. One of the things I don't understand about my own culture/society, is why "let's get lunch sometime" is some sort of odd stand in for, "I like you, but won't necessarily squeeze you into my schedule because I don't like you quite enough for that." I'm not cynical about it, but it does strike me as amusing. I don't recall ever having been actually asked out and then had a guy change his mind before meeting me, but then again, I haven't done much online dating, which is where this seems to happen most often. Yeah, this was actually a friend who did this to me. Not a really good friend...but I still didn't think I would be getting the "he's just not that into" scenario! He texted me (after a couples months of texts and emails letting me know he was moving to my area in the fall); I simply responded by asking how he was liking the area and if he'd found any good places to go yet...he asked where I go; I mentioned a couple places; he said he hadn't been to any of them yet, and I'd have to show him. Then: Me - OK, let's grab a drink tomorrow. Him - Oh, you're around now?
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 What brought this on, NA? Did you get stood up or something? Yeah, by a "friend" who's been telling me he's moving to my area and could I show him around and introduce him to people cuz he doesn't know anyone or places to go! I try and be nice and look what I get - a blow off!
Author New Again Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Oooo, I ****ing hate that. WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS??? I'm not even talking about dates, I get this with GFs. This chick on MS keeps asking me when we'll meet up, we should meet up, she misses me, etc...blah, blah, blah. I give a couple days as a suggestion to meet up, even suggest a place, and I never hear a word back. WTF? It's not like I went to HER page and begged her to meet up and gave the meeting place/time. SHE suggested the meeting, I expressed interest by giving time/place. So clearly, this annoys the **** out of me, too. Yeah I have another friend who's been in my city for several months now...recently I was (sort of) guilty of doing this - I emailed him seeing if he wanted to catch up, we chatted back and forth a little (he's gay so he definitely didn't think anything of this other than what it was); I said I'd call him next week, got super busy, and it wasn't until the next week that I finally tried to set up plans; he ignored me; so next time I was out I texted him where I'd be; he ignored me....
lino Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 If I didn't want to hang out with someone, I wouldn't suggest anything... at all. It's really that simple! For many people it isn't that simple unfortunately. Seems to be more common these days too!
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