Sunshine30 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 A month (Aug) ago I broke up with my boyfriend. We had been friends for over 14 years and just started dating in Jan 09. We were in a serious relationship and talked about marriage and a future together. Problems arose when his job which he travels with for 1/2 of year , sent him on the road in July. We no longer were talking on daily basis or seeing each other. So, I got frustrated. (I knew he would be traveling with his job when we first started dating). So, then he asked me if his job sent him out of the country what would happen. I told him we would have to be engaged or married. Neither one of us would budge from our stances. So, he felt as though he can't be with me and travel. We had previously had a discussion about our future and he asked for me to give him time and said "OK" however 2 weeks later, we get into this conversation. So, we broke up. A few days later after I realized that I had made a mistake and handled the situation poorly, then I texted him and asked him to call me. He did not call. So I waited for another week and sent him a text, this time apologizing and asking if the next time he is the area could we sit down and talk. He said "Yes, he was open to this, but did not know when it would be back in the area, but would let me know". I am uncertain as to why he agreed whether, he want to try and work on the relationship, get more time to himself, or just so I will not contact him anymore. Can anyone provide insight. Help! We are both in our 30s. I have been waiting for 3 weeks now and still no word from him. I know for fact before we broke up that he would be in and out (mostly out) of the area until Oct. I do not want to pushy at this time, since he agreed to talk and start calling. Should I continue to wait and for how long? I really want things to work out, we just had a communication breakdown other than that I was happy in the relationship, no other problems.
So_Sick78 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I'm so sorry that you're going through that. I think if he truly wanted to work this out he'd make the time to pick up the phone and talk, it's been 3 weeks and he's made no effort on his part to even get in touch with you. I'd start living your life and stop waiting for him to call, I think him ignoring you says it all. But whatever happens you'll be fine. Good luck
ReturnToSender Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 He may be feeling that if his work is going to cause conflict in the relationship, he has to choose...which may not be possible for the work he does, and so hes distancing himself from you. Thats kind of whats going on with me right now with my "bf" he gets wrapped up in work, and has said he feels like Im making him choose. Im not...I just need to know Im important too. Thing is...no matter how busy crazy or where in the world a guy is..he can contact and talk to you if he wanted to. My ex traveled all the time, and hed call me when he was on layover in paris, or before he went to bed in hong kong to say good morning to me as Id just be getting up. No matter where he was, if I sent him a message that I needed to talk, within the hour Id hear his voice. But he knew how to handle it..some guys dont. And get caught up with being in a "different world" that they have a hard time managing romantic/work life...and maybe even use work life as an excuse to not be able to maintain a romantic life. who knows..who knows... Im guessing since he hasnt replied to anything else, but did say he would be open to talking to you once hes back, that he does mean it. Id venture to guess the ball is in his court now though...to contact you when hes back. And if by then, whenever that is, if youre still in the mindset to make things work...then meet up and see what comes of the convo.
Author Sunshine30 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Returntosender thanks for your reply. You are absolutely right. He was contacting initially when he went on the road. However, I was too needy and felt that it was not enough, but he was trying..I begin to panic and then that's when I felt as though we have to get engaged or married. I know for a fact that no one likes to [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Ultimatums.[/sIZE][/FONT] . I guess I am really anxious about hearing back from him. I do not want to do anything to deter him for calling me once he returns. I also do not want him to feel because I have not called or texted since then, that I must not care. I just want to respect his space. Any other helpful advice would be useful? I really do love this man.
ReturnToSender Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 The logical side of me says to wait until he gets in touch, that when he wants to talk to you or back and wants to meet up with you, he will say so...and will most likely begin to wonder what you are up to and get in touch sooner rather than later. I rarely ever behave logically though, and the other 90% of me would become an emotional wreck waiting to hear back from him and probably mess things up by contacting him anyway before he has that chance to think of and contact me first. Hah! So yeah, take that for what you will
Author Sunshine30 Posted September 14, 2009 Author Posted September 14, 2009 Thanks-I think I will go with the logical side and not contact him and just wait to hear from him. I do believe that if he did not want to talk with me that he could have ignored the text or said "No". (Since he ignored the text and previous phone call-a week apart). I have a general idea of when he will back in the area, so if I do not hear from him then I will know that he was not serious. But I do believe that he was at least...I am optimistic...I know that I will not wait forever. I am a wreck at times, though..because I have not heard from him. Sometimes, I feel that he could at least call and/or text me to see how I am doing. But then I think about it and I have not done it for him. We need this space. I am anxious. I know that the day and time that I forget about it, will be when I hear from him.
Author Sunshine30 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Posted November 23, 2009 I have good news on this afternoon my ex called. However, at the time I was busy, so we were unable to talk very long (~ 5 minutes). During the conversation he did tell me that he was heading back to the area. I asked him if I could call him back and he said "Yes". I called about 3 hours later and left a message asking him to call me back. I have yet to hear back from him. I will give it the benefit of the doubt, since I know he was traveling and see what happens over the next couple days. I do not want to push. I do think it is a good sign that he called....I will probably text/call on Thanksgiving. Any helpful advice would be appreciated....I hope it works out for us. Please let me know what you think. I do not want to get to excited.
Author Sunshine30 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Posted December 6, 2009 On Thanksgiving, I texted my ex. He replied. On this past Wednesday, I texted my ex to ask him if he was still open to meet to talk/catch-up next weekend. (12/02) His reply: (12/02) Next weekend may not be the best time. He had to check on some things and would get back to me. Then he proceeded to ask me "Would I be open to travel?" and "When was I going to vacate?" My reply: (12/03) Okay. I'll wait to hear back from him and that I was open to travel. I also, told him I had not set dates to vacay and that I could take leave whenever I choose (unsure whether it meant vacate or vacation). I have not heard from since (3 days). I am confused by his response. I know that one of the reasons we broke up was because he wanted to travel for his job; however, I was not very supportive. Unsure about the questions? It could be that he meant would I travel to come talk to him. We live 2 hours apart. I guess I will get the answers to my questions should I hear from him. What do you think. His he leading me on? I think we are both fishing. I did not want to push him further, so I simply answered his question. It's been almost 4 months since we broke up. Hopefully, we will talk in person. Any helpful advice is appreciated.
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