Unistudent Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I am currently living with my x until next weekend.. so most likely less than a week from now I will be moving out and to a new house with a few other students. Right now she is relying on me heavily. For conversation, walks, going running, and just hanging out... everything really. Shes gone out to her friends a few nights and I walk her there because its pretty dark out and the area isn't that great... I tell her to call me to meet her half way from where ever if she wants me to walk her home. This is just the guy I am. I don't know what I should do if she tries to get ahold of me once I've moved out. Up to this point I have been telling myself that I need to not call/text/email her back at all... but this is also me thinking that she will be doing those things.. and if she doesn't it might hurt even more than if she did and I didn't respond. I don't know... I am still going to tell her either tomorrow or some time this week that I will stay if she wants me to (she is financially in trouble right now)... even though im not even sure if thats a good idea. Ugh.. I dont even know what else to write. Maybe I should just revist this post once I am actually out of here.... Some advice please... thanks (sorry if this doesnt make much sense I am slightly drunk, out with friends earlier)
Exit Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Who dumped who? If she dumped you, you're just being a doormat.
BeSteady Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 she is drama, and your a fixer... she will never learn to take care of her own problems if you stay around. You like being needed so you don't have to be alone, figure out what you want, or deal with your won paiin. If its over its over. You take care of yourself and let her take care of herself.
hellothar Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 I've ready your story and feel like you are a really nice person. Even though she is hurting you, you still put her first and she really needs to see that and as I have said, she needs to rethink her feelings about continuing a relationship with you. You obviously want to take care of her, you seem to be very protective of her and it will hurt you to let her go out and get hurt. Many men are like this, and as soon as she is hurting or crying in any way they jump to her aid and try to make things better. But this is not good for you, she is a big girl and can take care of herself. I know if something bad happens to her you will put some of the blame on yourself, which is not fair to you. You need to distance yourself from her and take care of yourself now. You have went from a lover to a good friend, but you can't be that right now and you need distance from her right now and to take care of yourself emotionally so that one day you may be able to feel just a friendship towards her as well.
silic0ntoad Posted September 14, 2009 Posted September 14, 2009 Dude, this woman has 0-ZERO respect for you. Let her walk alone in the dark. Didn't she do that to you? To hell with that. There is a fine line between Chivalry and Stupidity. You've crossed it by miles, man. Cut her off. No walks. No Calls. No Money. No Help. No more shoulder to cry on. You're a man, not a carpet used to wipe muddy shoes on.
Author Unistudent Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Thanks for the responses... Yea.. I guess I am a fixer and I do like to help people out. I guess thats a crappy trait to have... at least right now. Weeks almost half done... so in 3 more days I will be moving out of here. I really think that she thinks that once I am out of here we will have reg contact... I know this because I was telling her about the place that I am moving into and how it has laundry machines (thats a big thing in this university town) and she was like "Well I will just have to come over and do some laundry with you..." I laughed and said "Yea right... I wonder what the other housemates would think if they saw some thongs in my laundry bin.." This week with her has been alright.... shes been short tempered with me a few times and I have called her out on it.. she says sorry. It really feels like we are still dating... minus the kissing n others. Heres a funny story... the other night I was slightly drunk... I fell asleep in my room and somehow ended up in her room sleeping beside her.. I woke up and was like "where the f am I" I slowly got up and moved back to my bed. The next morning she came in and layed beside me for an hr or two before getting up. I dont really know whats going on between us now... It could just be the shadow of our relationship... I dont really want to ask her what shes feeling because I am afraid of the answer. I have been giving her all the signs that I am still interested so I know she knows. I think once I move out and there isn't any contact she might go a little batty. I think the best plan is to leave the ball in her court and see what happens. I am going to be SWAMPED with school readings and labs and stuff within the next week so I will keep myself busy with that and concentrate on my future. Ugh this is going to be so hard... but I will have to take this step... just like the rest of you. Thanks again
BeSteady Posted September 15, 2009 Posted September 15, 2009 Thanks for the responses... Yea.. I guess I am a fixer and I do like to help people out. I guess thats a crappy trait to have... at least right now. It is a wonderful trait. As long as you use it at the right time for the right people. Just like a hammer is a wonderful tool but sucks for screwing in a screw. Right now your trying to break up without it hurting her. It can't be done and if anything your going to make her pain last longer. She may go batty she may thrive it is a bit arrogant and controlling that your trying to keep her from what she will need to do to get over you. No contact will be the best for both of you. You can not fix this break-up for her only she can.
Author Unistudent Posted September 15, 2009 Author Posted September 15, 2009 Just a reminder for those who haven't read my other posts... She broke up with me for various reasons... We dated for 9 years. BeSteady: I don't think that I am being arrogant or controlling... I am just worried about her. Please tell me how I am being arrogant and/or controlling... maybe I just don't see it. I guess we will see what happens... I will initiate NC once I am gone... I will just feel horrible not answering her calls.. plus I don't have call display so I don't know how I will even screen those...
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