MissJoness Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I thought long and hard about why I have trouble finding the right guy. Why every guy I like, is never interested in me. Sometimes the guys I like in a way feel that they are better than me It started in high school, where I always had the need to want to be accepted by the "alpha males" the most popular guy in high school, the one that all the girls liked, the one that everybody wanted to be around because he was so charming and funny. The reason why is because they usually went after the prettier girls or the ones who are considered to be the most pretty in the whole school. I felt that if someday I could get a guy like that to like me, it will validate that I am REALLY beautiful These type of guys rarely notice me. Even in my adulthood. I still long for their approval. I still see these types in college, work, etc. I go after men with these type of traits, and I always end up hurt because they never like me. I am never pretty enough for them or have the right personality I can't help it. I feel like if just ONCE I get a guy like that to like me, I'll be able to move on and feel validated. until then I just feel empty
sally4sara Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Just because a guy like that keeps a girl around, it doesn't mean he keeps her for long, or because he actually values her, and it certainly doesn't mean he is nice or sincere towards them. So you can't really say he approves of her. Often the value of the girl(s) is that having her around makes him look better. Like a nice tie or an sharp jacket. Do you remember every accessory you've ever used? Did you love them?
Myst Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I thought long and hard about why I have trouble finding the right guy. Why every guy I like, is never interested in me. Sometimes the guys I like in a way feel that they are better than me It started in high school, where I always had the need to want to be accepted by the "alpha males" the most popular guy in high school, the one that all the girls liked, the one that everybody wanted to be around because he was so charming and funny. The reason why is because they usually went after the prettier girls or the ones who are considered to be the most pretty in the whole school. I felt that if someday I could get a guy like that to like me, it will validate that I am REALLY beautiful These type of guys rarely notice me. Even in my adulthood. I still long for their approval. I still see these types in college, work, etc. I go after men with these type of traits, and I always end up hurt because they never like me. I am never pretty enough for them or have the right personality I can't help it. I feel like if just ONCE I get a guy like that to like me, I'll be able to move on and feel validated. until then I just feel empty Cheer up Miss Jones. Every dog has its day. Prince Charming may come eventually.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Alpha males date the prettiest girls for sex. When they want to settle down with a person they look at the personality, so being a pretty girl without the personality is going to get that girl screwed time and time again. For the longest time I couldn't understand why there was these really hot women over 35 and still single. Once I spoke to them I knew why, they had serious character flaws. So really, getting validation from an alpha male is pointless. They are hard to get creatures and you need to be physically attractive and have a really good personality.
Author MissJoness Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Alpha males date the prettiest girls for sex. When they want to settle down with a person they look at the personality, so being a pretty girl without the personality is going to get that girl screwed time and time again. For the longest time I couldn't understand why there was these really hot women over 35 and still single. Once I spoke to them I knew why, they had serious character flaws. So really, getting validation from an alpha male is pointless. They are hard to get creatures and you need to be physically attractive and have a really good personality. That's what I want them to think about me. That is what I am looking for.
Author MissJoness Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Can you modify your expectations? I can try. But the guys who are attracted to me, I have no interest in whatsoever. They are kinda like losers IMO. The type of men that I like, usually date women who look nothing like me. It's very frustrating and I get angry and bitter. I try to think of things to do to change myself so I can be more their type.
Hkizzle Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yeah but you're putting the cart before the horse. Getting an alpha male doesn't make a woman beautiful with a good personality. You need to be beautiful with a good personality in the first place to get one. So instead of seeking validation, you work on self improvement techniques. How to make interesting converstations How to be funny How to be supportive of a guy, but not too available Do a make over and hit the gym to look more physically attractive You actually need to get all those things on your own to attract a decent guy, a decent guy isn't going to bring you those things, and they don't fall on girls laps like Prince charming.
BeSteady Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I thought long and hard about why I have trouble finding the right guy. Why every guy I like, is never interested in me. Sometimes the guys I like in a way feel that they are better than me It started in high school, where I always had the need to want to be accepted by the "alpha males" the most popular guy in high school, the one that all the girls liked, the one that everybody wanted to be around because he was so charming and funny. The reason why is because they usually went after the prettier girls or the ones who are considered to be the most pretty in the whole school. I felt that if someday I could get a guy like that to like me, it will validate that I am REALLY beautiful These type of guys rarely notice me. Even in my adulthood. I still long for their approval. I still see these types in college, work, etc. I go after men with these type of traits, and I always end up hurt because they never like me. I am never pretty enough for them or have the right personality I can't help it. I feel like if just ONCE I get a guy like that to like me, I'll be able to move on and feel validated. until then I just feel empty theylike a challange and your need for their approval does not supply the challange. You want them they know it so no fun for them.
deux ex machina Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 ...The reason why is because they usually went after the prettier girls or the ones who are considered to be the most pretty in the whole school. I felt that if someday I could get a guy like that to like me, it will validate that I am REALLY beautiful These type of guys rarely notice me. Even in my adulthood. I still long for their approval. I still see these types in college, work, etc. I go after men with these type of traits, and I always end up hurt because they never like me. I am never pretty enough for them or have the right personality Getting validation of your appeal (which I'm guessing you are equating with your worth?) from externals, like That Man, is a road to nowhere. You might even get the guy. Who knows? I wonder how fulfilling you will find it, however, when he can't really be the mirror to reflect the you that you want to be back to yourself. Depending on someone else's eyes to "see" you, your value, to finally let you know it? Not such the best idea. You are giving some guy way too much power to define you. Not only that, he won't be able to. Not for long. In the end, there's no escaping the fact that you define yourself. I can't help it. I feel like if just ONCE I get a guy like that to like me, I'll be able to move on and feel validated. until then I just feel empty It won't work that way. You are asking the impossible of another human being, and setting yourself up for a huge let-down. I wonder if you did get an alpha, you would start wondering what was wrong with him if he was attracted to you, and you'd start to question whether you should go ahead and try another guy - this next one more discerning - to really tell you what you are? Maybe even waiting until the right one came along...the one who was interested enough to be there, kind of, but not quite in it enough...but if you can get his attention more...just change him...you can finally, finally get his stamp of approval... Then you'll know you're good enough. Why do you care what some "alpha male" thinks of you so much? It's not like they have magical powers. Honestly, the biggest flaw I see in this whole idea you have is it appears you don't even really care much about the guy at all. Only what he can reflect back onto you. Poor trophy alphas! Lol
Scottdmw Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 These type of guys rarely notice me. Even in my adulthood. I still long for their approval. I still see these types in college, work, etc. I go after men with these type of traits, and I always end up hurt because they never like me. I am never pretty enough for them or have the right personality I can't help it. I feel like if just ONCE I get a guy like that to like me, I'll be able to move on and feel validated. until then I just feel empty You say that you just want once for one of these guys to validate you. But I wonder if you would really be satisfied with that, with one of these men dating you for a couple of months, telling you you are beautiful and interesting, and then leaving you for someone else. The validation would seem like it would leave with the man. I suspect you're fooling yourself if you think this would really help you. I think if you honestly examine your feelings, what you really want is one of these men to choose you and want to marry you. Yes, you feel like you're not being greedy because you only want one. But, as you seem to be somewhat aware, what you want is the same thing that every other woman wants. It is not possible for all of you to have that. Unless you yourself are way above average, you're not going to get a way above average man. If only one man in 20 satisfies your requirements, that would mean you have to be better than 19 out of 20 women to get him. I do think that you're going to need to modify your expectations, the question is how much pain you will go through before it happens. I'm in the same boat myself sometimes I think. A lot of good women come into my life and I reject them and I'm not even sure why sometimes. I do find my expectations changing, slowly. It seems like the more years I spend alone, the more willing I am to forget about some of the things I think I want. So, I don't know if you can consciously change your expectations or not, but if you can I would suggest you try. I would say that if you have not been in a relationship with someone for over a year, maybe two if you had a particularly difficult breakup, it is a sign you may be unrealistically picky, unless you really think you can do something to significantly improve yourself. One practical suggestion. Out of the men who are interested in you, pick the one that is most interesting even if you don't think you are really attracted. Give him 2 dates. If you're still not interested, move on. I do this myself--if a woman is interested in me but I'm no interested I will take her out and give her a chance. Scott
northstar1 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 There was a stephen king book that sounds like this... I kid. Most people felt awkward in highschool needing validation etc. Then we realize it doesn't matter You are who you are. Embrace that
loveslife Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yeah, northstar, except she's in her mid-20's. Okay, MissJoness, I think I've figured out the problem here. Most of the people responding to you (myself included) started out thinking you might be happier with a man of substance. But it seems what you're looking for is someone who values looks over what's inside. Right? We've been thinking you're confused. But I think now that you know exactly what you want. Unfortunately, I don't think this is not the right place. The people here are interested in deeper relationships generally, not more shallow, and will gear their responses that way. Really though, it's not that hard to get a shallow guy. They're a dime a dozen, they're everywhere. And it's no secret what they want. So, I think a salon might be the best place for you to go to get the advice you're after. I mean, after all, our relationships are merely a reflection of ourselves. Good luck.
boogieboy Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Is your looks the only thing you got going for you, is that the only thing you feel can validate you? Either youre not pretty enough for these guys or they think youre too easy. You're down a dangerous road of getting addicted to the chase. Be careful, youre 25 now, if you keep this up you will get worse until you bottom out and realize you dont need validation anymore at 35. And you already think youre getting old now, what happens at 35 when youve wasted all that time chasing alpha males that dont want you?
Author MissJoness Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Is your looks the only thing you got going for you, is that the only thing you feel can validate you? Either youre not pretty enough for these guys or they think youre too easy. You're down a dangerous road of getting addicted to the chase. Be careful, youre 25 now, if you keep this up you will get worse until you bottom out and realize you dont need validation anymore at 35. And you already think youre getting old now, what happens at 35 when youve wasted all that time chasing alpha males that dont want you? Yes. I feel like when you look a certain way people are nicer to you, and think a lot higher of you. When you have that universal attractive look, you just attract better mates. People want to get to know you and be your friend just based on the fact that you're very attractive. Also all the attention you get is a plus. I hate when I get no attention from men, or anybody I feel like I Have no purpose I feel like if I made some adjustments to how I look, I can finally get the type of guy that I want. Right now, the men that I attract, I don't like their personality or how they look.
callingyouuu Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I'm confused; are you asking for advice to attract shallow dudes? Based upon what you're looking for, either work with what you were born with, or get lots of plastic surgery. Seems like for the right price, they can get you the perfected the Barbie doll face, which I suppose counts as a "universal attractive look". Either way, it's going to require lots of money. Your problem is that you're looking for a very difficult to catch male niche. If you seriously want to pursue the "alpha male" route, get off of the internet and go work on your makeup and flirting skills. We can't help you.
Trialbyfire Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Meagan, you're like a piece of driftwood with no direction. Whatever way the wave moves you, is the direction you go. Look to internal anchors and define yourself. Benchmark yourself by working on who you are as a person. Make yourself into the person you want to be, starting from the inside. Then say, "Okay, here I am. What have YOU got to offer ME?".
anne1707 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Meagan... I thought all this sounded familiar
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