Lucky555 Posted September 12, 2009 Posted September 12, 2009 guy i like going through issues=can't progress relationship. I think he wants me to still "be there" for him. I feel bad, I do. But I am looking for a relationship and someone who wants the same. If he wanted the same then he would progressing it with me. I think it is very unfair if he wants me to "stick" around. I find it hard to not be there for him right now, but i dont want to become attached to someone who can't give me the same things back. Its not easy but don't we all have problems big and small! I feel like I am distancing and its good for me to meet new people now. Time is very short, I am finally ready to experience a beautiful relationship. I don't see how staying supportive for this guy is going to help me to have that. I also dont want to be "friends". I can't do friends with someone i like. He never said friends but i dont want this turning into that. Im frustrated. I feel like im abandoning the "something" we had. But really he is essentially abandoning me due to his problems. Am I doing the right thing? What do you all think?
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Lucky - you have to do what makes you happy. If you put your happiness on hold to "take care" of somebody else, you will end up resenting them.
mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 You have to force yourself to not be around for this person, because he will become your safety net. You'll go running back to him when things are boring or you have a bad experience with someone else, and you'll end up hurting even more. The world's full of lonely people ...
wizardof7 Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 I have a few questions . Does he know exactly what you want ? Did you communicate what you actually mean by progressing the relationship ? You say " his problems " but its very unclear what they are . If he's not sure what you want maybe he thinks your messing with him . Nobody I know is a mind reader . communication is a two way road . If you are not clear to him about what you want . It will not be clear to him If a person is emotionally unavailible however , Its time to move on . A persons happiness cannot depend on anothers presence .
Author Lucky555 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 I have a few questions . Does he know exactly what you want ? Did you communicate what you actually mean by progressing the relationship ? You say " his problems " but its very unclear what they are . If he's not sure what you want maybe he thinks your messing with him . Nobody I know is a mind reader . communication is a two way road . If you are not clear to him about what you want . It will not be clear to him If a person is emotionally unavailible however , Its time to move on . A persons happiness cannot depend on anothers presence . Yes, i have been clear about what i want. We both talked and talked. It was only 6 days till he sprung his issues out in the open. His issues are temporary family problems (could last months though). BUT its pretty big and if i were in his position having a relationship would be hard too. As you say i said "hard to do" but I wouldn't let that ruin my happiness in finding "love". But he is different i guess. I think he was just going to put this all out there so I can see that nothing is going to happen right now. He knows I'm not messing with him because we openly discussed how we felt and what we would do..UNTIL all of these external factors took place..then everything changed. I backed off big time. I think he may become upset with me because I'm not initiating contact with him when hes going through this tough time. He on the other hand has not made any effort towards me. I understand he is not a mind reader and communication is key I say this to him all the time about myself. Seems like he just wants to leave things "hanging" there and letting things happen as they happen. I foresee myself unhappy if i stick around because it took months for us to finally say how we felt about each other! I believe his story, feel bad about his situation, but I think i got some good advise here to move on.
stepka Posted September 13, 2009 Posted September 13, 2009 Yes absolutely, move on. You could waste months being nurse to this guy and still have nothing to show for it after the problems are resolved.
Author Lucky555 Posted September 13, 2009 Author Posted September 13, 2009 Yes absolutely, move on. You could waste months being nurse to this guy and still have nothing to show for it after the problems are resolved. Now, hes initiating contact with me again. What do I do?
wizardof7 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 He probably needs your support . But if you give it to him without letting him know where you stand it would probably turn into a weird dependency . Not a real relationship .
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